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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you leave your baby unattended in their buggy

999 replies

noblegiraffe · 20/08/2013 13:17

...while you use the loo?

On another thread I mentioned not being able to get a buggy into a small cubicle and the suggestion was to leave baby outside.

Would I be overly precious in thinking 'No, I wouldn't do that'?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 12:48

i am not doing this any more :)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 12:48

adios

GobbySadcase · 22/08/2013 12:48

So what if it is?
People are all too ignorant that they are temporarily able bodied. Lives change in seconds. It could be you one day. Any one of you.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 12:48

oops..my PC went nuts. But it gets my point across

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:01

You really are included in your own comment there Fanjo.

This issue doesn't even actually apply to me, but I have become engrossed in this thread, due to the way people are attempting to communicate with each other.

And the thing is, as an observer to this, with no direct involvement, and no crime committed, it's amazing to see that each side has very valid arguments, but both seem so intent on screaming the other down that everything is getting lost, and people are making incorrect assumptions because they are becoming blinkered to everything their than their own view.

I have seen a few posts stating that people with diabilities have felt invisible on this thread. I am equally sure concerned mums are feeling equally invisible.

You trap a lot more flies with honey than vinegar. Do you not think it'd be worthwhile for us all to get down off our high horses, me included, take a deep breath and try a slightly different approach.

For example:

Person not agreeing with mums using disabled toilet " Hi concerned mum. I see you have a new baby which is the most important thing in the world to you. I understand your need to protect and love baby. I appreciate you are concerned about (the very small, but equally real to you and obviously devastating were it to happen)chance of said baby being taken while out of your direct supervision if you were to leave it outside the cubicle while you went to the toilet. I understand that you just might not be a person who is able to pee or poop with the door open and if that's the case, then you aren't the only person in the world that feels like that. Look, its not always easy, but it really would be greatly appreciated, if you need the toilet, that you didn't block the disabled toilet when you need to go, as it can have a devastating effect on me / DD / DH / DH. I know you might not enjoy disturbing your baby to pick it up and take it into the cubicle with you when it's asleep, but he would be safe that way and it would enable me / DD / DH to be able to use the only facilities we are able to use in the timely manner we rely on. May I suggest you look into purchasing DropYourSwords new invention.

New mum "Hi. Thank you so much for not ripping me to pieces. I'm new to this and it seems that with everything I do, everyone thinks they have the right to tell me what to do, and I never seem to be able to do the right thing. Thank you for validating my new feelings as a mum. Yes, I'm super over protective, but it scares the hell out of me the very idea of losing my baby, even though I know its statistically an extremely small prospect. I apologise for not considering your needs also and I will ensure in future my toilet actions will not affect you / DD / DH. I will also make DropYourSword a multi billionaire with her new invetion as soon as I check out her (hastily scrabbled together) website.

Or, you know, we could carry on ripping strips out of each other.

So, to create a (toilet) world peace, I, DropYourSword have invented....the T-Pee! (patent pending).

The T-Pee is constructed from a retractable tent type material which can clip onto the sides of a public toilet door frame. You can spread the T-Pee around the back of your buggy/pram and clip onto the other side of the door. The creates a private space for you to pee and poop without being viewed, whilst maintaining constant supervision of your child. No longer will you have to perfect the art of the 30 second hover-piss - you can pee in luxurious, unhurried leisure. It will be coated with a special silver antibacterial coating to combat toilet bacterial nasties.

There will also be a T-Pee deluxe, which comes with a built in baby changer. Twin T-Pee expected early next year.

Or, can we just accept that mums - don't use the disabled toilets. And everyone - don't insult other mums for wanting to protect their children, even if you think the risk is laughable. It's really not that unreasonable.

jacks365 · 22/08/2013 13:10

Thing is that some people do class leaving the door open and the child just there as unattended. If you readthe thread there are plenty of people who have come on and said 'oh I wouldn't do that I use the disabled'

I don't class leaving my child in her pram with me right there as unattended but some do, there is places I do that but also some I won't but for me my option is to find a toilet that I am happy with, generally smaller ones with double doors.

Maybe the op should be what do you class as unattended.

GobbySadcase · 22/08/2013 13:10

I'm very aware you trap more flies with honey.

However, after six years of encountering ignorance and bigotry, being told my children are a waste of resources and shouldn't be here, encountering incidents in real life where people have made our lives unnecessarily difficult because of their own selfishness, I'm very bitter and twisted.

I won't apologise for that.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:12

I couldn't not answer that.

So..we are expected to crawl humbly to the entitled folk and beg them to act with common decency like most other people?

You're having a laugh

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:14

And I have had PND and also have a vulnerable child of my own

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:14

Jesus gobby I am honestly astounded that someone could say that about your children. That is absolutely vile and makes me disgusted to think anyone would even think they had any call to say that. Genuinely.

I know my last post was a bit tongue in cheek, but its because I see from both sides and I just think if we got people to communicate a bit better then maybe things could improve.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:15

Anyway glad you are enjoying the thread, and also classifying us as bitter mother haters, DropYour

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:15

Sorry Fanjo, but haven't you left. About 3 times?

GobbySadcase · 22/08/2013 13:15

And fuck the saintly, beatific parent Carer stereotype too.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:17

I have been told similar.

And yet we are in the wrong?

Surely the mummies could say "we see your situation could be really difficult so we will do our best not to use the toilets'

But it's on and on with 'well i will use them
Doesn't make me angry or screaming but a bit disgusted tbh

GobbySadcase · 22/08/2013 13:18

You think I argue like this and get aggressive for lulz?
Uh, no. It's a reaction to YET MORE ignorance, YET MORE shit. Many forget we've had this every day for years, also that many of us have more of a online presence due to RL social isolation, yet we're faced with mre of the same...

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:19

Yes, I left, as it was sensible for my state of mind. Then, as I said, I couldn't not answer your post.

So? Why do you make something of that, if not to be a dick?

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:19

Well, some people are coming across that way. Why hate on a mother because she loves her baby and she is concerned about a risk of someone taking / hurting it. There's been plenty of name calling on here about neurotic mothers and their pweshus bwabes. Yes, a baby IS precious to their mother. I personally dont get what the hell is wrong with that.

But, because I hold that view, people wrongly assume I think it gives mums carte blanche to do what they want. I dont think that at all, but the hysteria has been whipped up on here so much that people aren't actually able to see that.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:20

Isn't goading people dealing with disability just the lowest of the low, gobby?

Always goes this way

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:21

You know what, fuck it! I'll be a squillionaire soon with my T-Pee anyway!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:22

I don't hate on caring mummies. I am one.

I dislike selfish entitled ones.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:23

You can T-pee off, to be honest

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:23

Goading people with a disability - what the hell??

GobbySadcase · 22/08/2013 13:24

Ooh fuuuuuck I forgot. My kids aren't precious, are they? I was never a new mummy scared of all the harm that could come to my child...

I still managed not to abuse disabled facilities, though.

noblegiraffe · 22/08/2013 13:25

Most people on here aren't entitled, Fanjo. But you risk alienating the ones who are simply uneducated on the issue, or a bit thoughtless by simply going nuclear.

Let's face it, the picture on the door is of a person in a wheelchair. So if someone says that they couldn't see any disabled people coming, don't berate them for only looking for wheelchairs or sneer at their apparent ability to read minds. I had no idea about stoma bags etc and I bet most other people don't either. When I was at school, disabled people were sent to special schools. It's a different world, the one you inhabit, to the one I grew up in and mostly still experience.

People don't know.

That said, there are some entitled people around, but you're probably not going to change their minds anyway, so not worth blowing a gasket on them when you could be saving your energy for those that might.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:31

i'm not going nuclear.

i am just frustrated with the entitled people, as i said.