to think life is a HUNDRED times more difficult when you're POOR

[poorandworriedmum]

NC so i can have a good moan.

It's only summer and im already dreading winter. I can't afford Christmas, cant afford winter coats for DCs, or good enough boots, cant afford heating costs, cant afford bus fares to spare DCs havung to trudge everywhere in all weathers, cant afford to make hearty meals to keep us warm. Sick of living in a damp, mouldy cold cramped old flat that never gets warm, sick of paying rent for such a slum that makes DCs ill, sick of looking at our shabby things & seeing how few books and toys We can affrod to give our kids, sick of looking through a window that gets no light because the landlords tree presses against the glass and we arent allowed to touch it, sick of saying 'no sorry sweetheart we cant afford that' when they're not asking for a trip to Disneyland they're asking to ride ten miles on the bus to the free gallery for gods sake. Sick of the way small debts follow you for years, sick of feeling unable to support my two kids, sick of never ever ever having treats like a fish supper or a hot chocolate in a cafe. Sick of dreading letters home from school wanting two or three pounds for this or that because we are so chronically bones of our arse poor that we never have that spare. Wish I could treat my kids some times. My DD is 6 and sees the ads for Build A Bear Workshop and her eyes light up and I wish I could take her just once and leg her choose what ahe wants. My DS wants to go to a circus. Its beyond us to provide anything extra or special for them ever and I am so fucking sick of living hand to mouth. How much of a different life my kids could have if we werent spending all our income and then some keeping alive.

DH and I work four PT jobs between us, theyre all shit nd badly paid and we're both knackered (and my cleaning jobs have given me a prolapsed womb and bad back) and hardly see each other and what is the point when we cant even give our kids a pleasant chidhood?

Fuckisng sick of being second class citizen.

I have been thinking about this since last night. I honestly cannot get the OP and some of the posts out of my mind. I must be spectacularly ignorant as I had no idea that people were in this position in 2013, I'm so shocked.

Is there anywhere I can find out about food banks that are local to me so that I can donate? I cannot bear the idea of this going on around me and not do anything about it.

That's really nice PrincessFlirtyPants

catsmother outstanding post, said it far more eloquently than I ever could.

Earthmother it can happen to anyone, redundancy, illness, death. A series of problems can pile up leaving you in the poo. I have a friend whose husband died suddenly, they'd got the dates on when he quit smoking wrong by a matter of weeks, the insurance company refused to pay out eve though his death had nothing to do with smoking. I know of women sitting pretty till the 'D'H buggered off abroad with his new woman having mortgaged the family home to the hilt. More common is just the squeeze on hours and rise in costs till you can't afford to be insured. And when things get worse you're stuffed. It can happen to almost anyone who is not independantly wealthy. Lose your home when you can't pay the mortgage? You're intentionally homeless so fuck off.

For me I left an abusive relationship and my 'D'P decided to punish me. He ran up massive bills on premium rate lines and ordering pay per view. He ran up joint CCs to the limit and took all my belongings so all I had was what I left with, I couldn't 'prove' that antique furniture that had been gifted from my grandparents had been mine so he got away with everything. I then got made redundant and as I'd not been there long got only a months pay.

No one could understand why I left him cos he was such a nice guy .

The stress I was under showed in interviews and I then couldn't get a decent job. I had a full on breakdown and tried to commit suicide as my debt spiralled just trying to live. It was after that things became clearer and I was determined not to let that bastard finish me. I will always remember how hopeless I felt and the hell I went through to get out. Draining the hot water system as I didn't want the pipes to burst when I couldn't afford the heating on. Everything feeling damp in winter cos it was just so cold. Lentils, porridge and a pound shop multivitamin so I didn't get scurvy. Not being able to afford TV and getting free books from the now closed library. It was 10 years ago that my life went to hell, its much tougher now as prices have risen so much.

I'm positively well off now compared to most but the fear of going back never leaves me. My anxiety has risen ten fold as the recession bites. I'm moving soon to a place where costs will be higher but I can expand my business. I'm already looking to go back to the soul destroying phone chat lines between work so I have some extra in. Having to wait months to get my 'emergency' savings returned after the Icelandic banking collapse didn't help.

Unfortunately the most judgement and disdain I've received over the years is from the very well off not worked since I got married brigade. Cos they sure know how shit it can be. They were so convinced that they'd find a fantastic job easily having not worked for years as they'd make an effort. Oh fuck off.

Oh and living rurally makes things a million times worse. I've coal fired central heating, I get people bleating about the cost of gas when coal is so expensive and inefficient. Then you get just burn your rubbish or collect free (and wet) wood! Yes if you want to trash your chimney to the cost of hundreds for a few hours 'free' heat. Don't get me going on transport costs and when the snow is extra heavy we're left till last for gritting and ploughs so we can't get to work . Of course we should just move cos that's free too. We live here cos it's so miserable wonderful!

I agree with you. While we enjoy a good income, we moved house this month which has taken up all of our ready money. I have been eking out the money, putting a fiver of fuel in the car at a time and getting very excited to receiving a £1 tip at my casual job as it meant I could buy some cooking oil. Thank God that we get paid soon and I will have money to fill the fridge adn the car. Its been horrible and all I can think about is where I am going to get tomorrows dinner or petrol from

I thought to myself driving home the other day, putting the car in neutral to try and limit fuel consumption, "I cannot imagine what it must be like to live like this with no end in sight"

it must be shit Op and you have my great sympathies

Thank you SweetSeraphim

I've been onto google and there is a charity called The Trussell Trust who run food banks across the UK and they have 3 local to me. They have a lost of 'low stock' items I'm doing a weekly shop on Friday so will see what I can find then...

Has anyone donated to The Trussell Trust? Or has anyone got a better suggestion?

...I meant to say list rather than lost!

OP I have some Waterstones book vouchers that I do not really need. Would you like them to tuck away to buy Christmas Gifts for your family? They are discreet in the post and have a year on them to go before expiry. I received them for my birthday but have so so many books and not enough time to read.

Please let me know if you would like them. It is not charity because I know that one day you too will 'pass it on' and help somebody else out.

princessflirtypants good for you for donating. Think basics and easy to eat with minimal cooking as many people lack facilities or ability having never been taught. Add some treats too, cans of rice pudding are good as they're cheap and filling. If you can add some packs of cakes you'll really bring cheer to a very dull existence .

PrincessFP I've posted this before but found out about it on a long and heartbreaking thread about hungry children here so I hope you don't mind another shout-out.

Magic Breakfast

22p per day. DS has stopped drinking school milk and while it is a bit of a saving for us, it costs more than this so we are putting the budgeted for milk money into this cause and it can be shared on FB too.

This post has made me feel great shame... And a real desire to actually do something than just talk about it.

We are in the incredibly fortunate position that we are reasonably well off despite both sets of parents coming from very tough backgrounds. Our Dcs are swimming in clothes and toys bought regularly by DM & DMiL.

DH and I often comment on how we can stop them buying more as it's just such waste, and he kids have so much that they don't need and don't get to wear. We regularly give to charities and our girls know that on birthdays and Christmas we keep the majority of toys for donations. We also recognise just how fortunate we are so we give monthly to charities such as Barnardos, World Vision Child sponsorship and Click Sargent.

BUT when I read stories like this its just not enough. How can I help in translating the "too much" from my household into something that other people want and need.

As others have said, is there something as a MN community we can do to administer/transfer things from one family to the next at a time they need them. I do this privately with Clothes and toys to and from relatives and friends but how can we extend it in a meaningful way to get to those who need it most???

OP I hope you accept some of the offers of items from people here, understanding that if you were in their position and read your post, you'd want to help too. It's posts like yours that help us to associate real poverty with real life situations in our own country, and we all need to work out how these situations can be prevented.

I wish you every success in your efforts to bring up beautiful dcs in difficult circumstances, they are very lucky to have you and your dh.

PrincessFlirtyPants - The Trussell Trust is the 'big name' running food banks, your local council web site would probably list any others (but fairly unlikely with 3 TT banks near by I would think). I haven't donated to The Trussell Trust (none near me) but I have donated to the local church run one (nearest one to me) - I just stick to easily stored staples (tins/rice/pasta/etc).

(I also try to drop off when the food bank its self isn't in full operation because otherwise I feel like I'm rubbing peoples noses in the proverbial...but that might just be me!)

Corinne Can I ask a question about Magic Breakfast please? I'm not being contentious, I honestly just want to know.

It says they supply free breakfasts to schools where at least 50% children get free school dinners. Are the breakfasts only free to those children or are they provided for anyone in the school? I only ask because something like this operates near us and our local news highlighted it as many children don't get a proper breakfast because their parents work and don't have time. I'm happy to donate to those that need it financially but not to save money for those who could afford it themselves and for whom school breakfasts are just an easy option.

Oh. I don't know to be honest. I would hope there was some way of doing it so as to preclude the people who could afford it. The working poor can be just as, or more vulnerable than the unemployed as the children do not qualify for FSM.

It might be discretionary. When I worked in schools we knew the families where a parent was an addict or had L.Ds and was unable to keep up with benefit changes or managing money. We knew that it wasn't the fault of the children and would try to compensate.

Thanks for all of the advice

The list that The Trussell Trust have provided is:

 Rice
 Juice/Squash
 Sugar (1kg/500g)
 Milk (Dried/Long Life)
 Meat
 Fish
 Tinned Tomato?s
 Pudding (e.g. Rice Pudding)
 Cereal
 Instant Mash
 Fruit (Tinned)
 Pasta Sauce
 Toiletries
 Baby Food & Toiletries
 Supermarket ?Bag for life?

Any feedback on that?

DM informed me earlier that our local church had one up until recently and was really popular, however, it sadly closed down due to lack of donations... It breaks my heart to think that it could have been someone's lifeline and that has been taken away.

For those of you who have mentioned rural poverty can I suggest you have a look at The Trussell Trust? They offer a delivery service to those in rural areas who cannot get to one of their centres.

PrincessFlirtyPants - is that just the low stocked items? I usually get tinned veg (not just tomatoes), baked beans and soups as well but TT might be different in what they want.

They have said, "Download a foodbank shopping list here to see what we need" it then suggested on the link that they were low stock items...

Not sure if its designed to be a push in the right direction for people like me or if its generally what they need...

I was thinking a few luxuries like biscuits, tea bags, instant coffee?! Artemis also suggested cake I imagine that might be a lovely treat too!

Thanks Corinne, I was just a bit after the local news report, having always managed to feed mine before school and work. I do agree about the working poor slipping through the net though.

Please all bear in mind that there are other foodbanks besides the Trussell Trust and check for your area. Our nearest one is Blackpool which is run by an independent group, I don't think there is a Trussell one near here.

I've put tea, coffee and hot choc mix in.

Hopefully someone with more experience donating to TTT will be able to help more though (I suspect it's a nudge in the right direction but I can't say for sure).

Oops yes, apologies timidviper I was just being eagle eyed and had seen an offer for delivery to rural locations and had seen that cited as a hinderence on this thread!

I'm happy to donate to any TTT is the only one I can find local to me!

Every little helps Princess, I just posted as I know we don't have one here and thought it might be worth highlighting that TT don't cover everywhere

I gave most of the DC's Easter chocolate to the local Hospice. I have tried and tried to tell well-meaning relatives not to waste their money but they are determined to give because they want to and sod anyone else. Even when we were moving house that weekend and almost everything was packed, they turned up with it expecting me to transport and hide it!

As you can imagine, the hospice were very grateful because as a crisis unfolds there are people who do have DC who like Easter Eggs and who might miss out due to circumstances.

Food bank next year.

Lots of people posting about foodbanks - I know the one in Middlesbrough (operated by TT) is currently desperately low on stock if anyone can help. Cash donations are useful as well as there are often expenses like petrol to pay out.

Re. Food banks - look out for charities such as SVP and Besom, they also do clothes and furniture giveaways if you have things you need to move on (furniture must have fire certificate)

OP it sounds utterly shite and just so draining. I am lucky enough not to be in your position but I get given books, toys and clothes by friends and relatives for my boys and I pass things on as well. Don't let pride stop you from accepting the many, lovely offers of help on this thread. People who are comparatively well-off do it all the time because it makes sense and you can pass things on when you are finished with them. Hope you are ok and please come back.