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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...if think this woman should spend more time with her children!

159 replies

mynameismskane · 15/08/2013 13:40

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2393742/No-job--time-nanny-children-But-dont-try-telling-Alex-shes-bad-mum.html

This woman thinks women don't like the fact she has full time help and a nanny even though she doesn't work... I would say it is more to do with the fact she doesn't spend a lot of time with her children in the week even though she doesn't work! She doesn't do a lot with them if the nanny is there five days a week until 6pm does she?!

OP posts:
ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 15/08/2013 13:43

Why is it an issue? They've got the money, the children are taken care of and well loved? It's not for me, but I can see the appeal.

treaclesoda · 15/08/2013 13:44

I don't really think its up to me to judge how much time someone else spends with their children, so I'll not be commenting on that.

But I will comment on the fact that she sounds unbearably smug. I'd say that's probably why her 'friends' resent her.

catgirl1976 · 15/08/2013 13:44

I think they are probably annoyed that she is the sort of woman to do vacuous Samantha-Brick style stories in the Daily Mail and feels the need to bang on and on about her games of tennis, and her husbands successful property business (yawn)

I doubt anyone gives a shiney one how she brings up her kids.

TealRhino · 15/08/2013 13:45

I do feel sorry for her daughter being saddled with the name Purdey....

beepoff · 15/08/2013 13:45

Actually I disagree. It sounds like she spends a fair bit of time with them during the day but doesn't do all of the grot work that goes with it. Tbh it sounds quite similar to some families I know with very hands-on grandparents.

My SIL has an au pair even though she's a SAHM. It gives her company and someone to help out around the house. But she is very hands on with her kids.

YABU for DM link too ;)

Original poster
mynameismskane · 15/08/2013 13:46

This is a place to discuss things which is why it's an issue of sorts! Yes I can see the appeal of some help but 5 days a week and she leaves someone else to interact with her kids. I find it sad. Yes, she does sound smug although I think she is just quite sad to think this is good.

OP posts:
Original poster
mynameismskane · 15/08/2013 13:48

This woman in the article doesn't sound hands on bee! I can see the appeal of having someone help with all the other stuff in the house that would give me more time with the kids.

OP posts:
lovestogarden · 15/08/2013 13:59

And the point of this 'story' is...?

I know plenty like this - well groomed, Hermes handbagged, have personal trainers/coaches, pop off on child free holidays when it suits them, haven't the faintest ides who their kids friends are, complain about 'the help'... (jealous, moi?).

However, I do detect the sense of urgency when the first wrinkle or grey hair appears, and the gym sessions increase, as do the trips to the salons. Scared of being replaced by a younger mode I suspect.

Their lives, not mine!

I was a bit [bloody cheeky bat emcom] at the comment "not a sobbing, unkempt, food-stained wreck hovering at the centre of a bombsite, like so many other mothers I know". I never sob...

sillyoldfool · 15/08/2013 14:03

I don't think it's much different to people who have lots of family close by who help out alot, and plenty of children are completely in the care of others 8-6 5 days a week while their parents work, just because she doesn't work why does it mean she has to be with her children all the time.
I'm expecting DD3 in 8 weeks, we have no local help, I've always said I'd have more if we had the money to employ a nanny to help.

sillyoldfool · 15/08/2013 14:04

I often sob....

Blissx · 15/08/2013 14:04

To be honest, if I had the money, I would consider it. In fact, when I was pregnant, I was very worried about how I would cope afterwards without GPs to help (all 4 passed away) so my husband saved up for a Doula to help me during labour and in the few weeks after. She was fab and helped with other things-not just care of the baby. I was devastated when we could no longer afford her after 5 weeks and would, in all honesty, have continued a similar arrangement if I could. After all, as one poster said, a lot of GPs do this for people I know without there being a stigma attached to it.

Original poster
mynameismskane · 15/08/2013 14:13

Seems like it is more than just help to me with this woman. She doesn't seem to 'be' with her children a lot, even though she can.

OP posts:
BeCool · 15/08/2013 14:14

Sam Brick and Katie H must be on holiday ......

HappyJoyful · 15/08/2013 14:14

I actually feel like throwing up my lunch having read that.

lovetogarden as you say, what is the point of it.

Pretty speechless at the (refuse to re-open link again) bit about the new wrapped in organic cotton malarchy and homemade fish pie as if it's some big claim to success.

Stomach still turning never again will I open a DM link

HappyJoyful · 15/08/2013 14:16

I don't actually think there's anything wrong with her getting the Nanny but my god that article is horrific.

pommedechocolat · 15/08/2013 14:17

beepoff - my first thought was on her dds name too, she should have hired a child-namer too.

JenniBoo · 15/08/2013 14:17

If her nanny only costs them £18k a year for a 50 hour week, I don't fancy being her nanny. Employers pay about 10% employer's NICs on top of salary, so she doesn't earn much!

It wouldn't be for me - she sounds a bit over-whelmed by her children. I don't envy her one little bit. Her suggestion that everyone would do this if they could, and her idea that if she didn't have a full time nanny her life would be in chaos is a bit sad. It sounds like she needs some help to build her confidence back up - or there is some underlying mental health issue. Most parents don't melt down because they have 2 small kids and their mum dies. A lot of mothers are carrying far bigger burdens than than.

I don't think it is ideal for the children. The bottom line is that a nanny is commercial childcare. These children are spending the majority of their waking hours who is being paid to look after them, and these significant people will leave their lives as quickly as they came into it - they are already on their second nanny.

Poor mother - she is missing out on her children growing up. :(

quesadilla · 15/08/2013 14:18

what treaclesoda said.
Its up to her if she wants to hire a nanny, I would never presume to judge someone for their childcare choices (and by the way I don't see what the difference is between a working mum hiring a nanny and a non-working mum.)

What I suspect pisses the other mum's off is the smugness.

pommedechocolat · 15/08/2013 14:18

My next thought was 'she should be thinner, all that time to go to gym'.

Bitch? Moi?

Yes ok money gives you options a nice life etc but surely for a sense of self worth you want to do DOING something?

GoodTouchBadTouch · 15/08/2013 14:20

See, I love articles like this. They make me feel like a great mother. Even though Ive not done one single arty crafty thing this holiday. We wouldn't use childcare even though we can afford it.

pommedechocolat · 15/08/2013 14:21

quesadilla - Really? Hiring a nanny as childcare while you work is the same as hiring a nanny while you swan around shopping? Umm. Not following that logic!

prissyenglisharriviste · 15/08/2013 14:24

Oh goodtouch, I can smell the burning flesh from here (and I'm some fair distance away).

EnglishGirlApproximately · 15/08/2013 14:24

Yet another Mail article where a woman assumes that people who dislike them are jealous. Maybe the people she knows aren't green with envy, maybe they just think she's an idiot.

Why oh why do we always have to pit women against other women for the choices we make? When was the last time you saw an article by a well groomed, wealthy man smugly moaning that no-one likes him because he's so handsome and rich?

sillyoldfool · 15/08/2013 14:24

well it's the same from the children's perspective.

quesadilla · 15/08/2013 14:25

pomme I don't see what difference it makes to the children, which is the bottom line here. If anything she probably gets to spend more quality time with her children than a working mum who uses a nanny.

We can argue until the cows come home about the ethics of it but the bottom line is children don't follow arguments about working versus non-working mums too closely, they want to be surrounded by people who care for them.

If she can afford it which clearly she can and it gives her peace of mind and she can enjoy time with her children who are we to judge her for it?

I'm just judging her for the appalling smug tone and the fact that she's selling her kids to the DM but that's a whole other story