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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
Boosiehs · 15/08/2013 18:49

Can't sleep,I am so angry for you! That woman is a complete and utter mental bitch.

Flowers
CinnamonAddict · 15/08/2013 19:32

Cantsleep, I would indeed move far away. From both sets of families. Somehow I think their games will wear you down, the amount of energy they put into badmouthing you is scary.

I would consider doing a runner with my loved ones.

impatienttobemummy · 15/08/2013 19:48

I second moving away from these people as this will end. She will be waging war from this point onwards. Especially no your DH has seen the light but it would make me angry as you shouldn't have to do it

impatienttobemummy · 15/08/2013 19:49

Not end meant to say!

miffybun73 · 15/08/2013 20:28

cantsleep - you seem like a really lovely person from this thread and your MIL sounds either evil, deranged or both.

If I were you I would just try to cut all contact (easier than it sounds I know)

pigletmania · 16/08/2013 08:14

So your toxic mil would rather you dead and her grandchildren motherless, and fulfill her selfish immature desires. Delete her number and e mail, have nothing to do with her. Don't invite her anywhere, at Christmas don't have them over don't go over to them, if dh wants to go there for a few hours over the festive period it's up to him, but for the quiet life you want cut them all off, just you your dh and dcs

bronya · 16/08/2013 08:18

Is it possible that mil is mentally ill or in the early stages of dementia?

pigletmania · 16/08/2013 08:28

Bronya shevhas always had issues in the past with cantsleep and displayed fairly toxic behaviour so nothing out of the blue, op thought these sues were resolved but bviously not, as mil can't let go of her son and her feelings, I get the impression no lady will be good enough

JugglingFromHereToThere · 16/08/2013 08:39

I've been thinking for a while on this thread about how some people have been talking about MIL being crazy, even a "mental bitch" etc. (I think I may have called her crazy myself !)

And the question of whether she could really be mentally ill - and just wanted to say that lots of people have mental health challenges, such as depression and anxiety or other similar problems, and are still lovely MIL's Flowers

It's more an ill-thought through basic immaturity here I would have thought - or just not being a very nice person ?!

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/08/2013 10:04

Omfg. Words fail me Hmm

Your mil is a prize bitch :(

And I feel sorry for your dh as he is torn between the 2 woman in his life - but he obv chose you and your feelings at the party

Seriously who the hell doesn't invite the wife/hubby to a surprise party for their dp

And the excuses she said about age of kids and bf - change the location then if kids not allowed and perfectly natural to bf in public

And to wish you were dead Shock

Sil sounds just as bad - esp if you were both close /went to spa days etc

Sometimes blood isn't thicker then water

pigletmania · 16/08/2013 10:50

Totally 2 faced words fail me

FryOneFatManic · 16/08/2013 10:57

I am gobsmacked at the MIL's behaviour, and I believe SIL must be in on it. I agree that the behaviour is likely to ramp up now.

Thanks for you and your DH, it can't be easy for you all.

EldritchCleavage · 16/08/2013 11:53

Actually, I wouldn't assume SIL is 'in on it' or enabling. It was a real error of judgment to turn up at the DH's workplace, but SIL may be trying to broker peace, manage weirdo mother as best she can, and spare OP any contact with her.

It must be incredibly hard to have a really odd mum who sparks a family crisis with your brother for no good reason. SIL may well be up to her neck in it, but then again she may not.

fuzzpig · 16/08/2013 12:05

Shock that is one seriously manipulative woman.

You and DH sound lovely though, I hope you can come through this and tell mil to fuck off

claudedebussy · 16/08/2013 12:37

eldritch, the sil is the dh's sil too, married to his brother, and not mil's dd.

EldritchCleavage · 16/08/2013 12:40

Oh sorry, I got that mixed up.

pigletmania · 16/08/2013 12:48

Oh I thought SIL was dh sister, I think she s actually, because op has sad mil did no like it when dh had the first boy, she wanted his sister to have the first boy and she as all girls. I do think that SIL is dh sister

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2013 12:50

I wonder if the SiL is acting lkike she is because she sees how the OP is being treated?

Bully's best friend and all that.

PedantMarina · 16/08/2013 15:35

I'm with sorryits on this - there was a bit in West Wing where Charlie was miffed about the levels of security around Zoe, etc, and the reporter friend said "if I were you, I'd be the only non-hassle thing in her life right now".

I am NOT one for pandering to a man, I hope everybody gets, but DH sounds like he could do with a bit of non-hassle and non-pressure oh, and a normal birthday celebration.

claudedebussy · 16/08/2013 17:40

actually, i think you're quite right. sil IS mil's dd.

i got wrong end of the stick.

Ilovegeorgeclooney · 16/08/2013 18:18

Sorry to digress but Pedant so lovely to have West Wing referenced, best show ever! And if you are thinking about dealing with bullies what about when Pres. Bartlet and Josh walked to the Capitol and the Republicans cowered in their office.

CSIJanner · 16/08/2013 20:15

If SIL is MIL's DD, then I guess she's the one with the favoured GD who MIL threw a hissy fit about.

Original poster
cantsleep · 16/08/2013 22:14

Yes sil is mil dd (only dd and mil very close to sil 2 dds).

Mil text dh today telling him how her back is playing up again and she couldn't get out of bed/had been in pain all night but he ignored it. He seems a lot happier today and I think he is just getting on with things as normal and ignoring her odd behaviour.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 16/08/2013 22:16

Probably for the best.

If her back is so bad maybe she should call your sil?

Original poster
cantsleep · 16/08/2013 22:25

Her back flares up from time to time, usually around the same time that her panic attacks get bad. These conditions have been quite bad over the years especially at any time we had ever asked her to babysit!

I half expected her to come up with something like this. I think some people on here predicted her being 'ill'. She isn't going to be just going away quietly is she.

I could really do without all this. I think I might just change our numbers and emails so she can't send stupid messages.

OP posts:
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