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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 15/08/2013 13:58

Well, dh has just phoned me to tell me how mil and sil turned up at his work today at lunchtime.

He told them he was busy and they went.

Seriously, what on earth are they playing at? I don't have a clue what is going on it is bizarre behaviour and all I want is a normal stress free life. We really don't need all this.

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 15/08/2013 14:00

That just tells me that you shouldn't meet SIL next week as she's either in on it or has frogmarched her mother to apologise to her brother. Either way, stay out and let your husband deal with it in his own way.

Your poor husband though - he must be broken hearted to see his mother turn like that.

Squitten · 15/08/2013 14:03

This is what my MIL tries to do with DH sometimes - she knows he likes a quiet life and will generally back down so she just ramps up the pressure until he caves in. Only once, over a big issue concerning our kids, did I refuse to let that happen and all hell broke loose. She knows not to cross me where my children are concernced now though!

I expect your MIL is expecting him to back down and will keep making his life miserable until he does - when it will all become YOUR fault of course. Eventually he will either cave in or tell her to F-off!

claudedebussy · 15/08/2013 14:06

so your sil is in on this whole thing then.

i think maybe now is a good time to just spend time with your family and not see your dm or dmil for a good while. cut out the drama. have a quiet christmas and then think again next year.

they have behaved abominably.

YouTheCat · 15/08/2013 14:15

To turn up at his work is just even more awful.

What the hell were they thinking?

bronya · 15/08/2013 14:18

Fwiw, I think out of this you take that your DH is a really fantastic husband. He sticks up for you without a thought, and obviously loves you to bits.

DidoTheDodo · 15/08/2013 14:20

What bronya said. You have a gem of a husband, and I applaud you both.

mistlethrush · 15/08/2013 14:23

It sounds as though your husband is firmly on-side (yours!) which is a blessing, at least. I thought my MiL was bad until I read this!

Sister77 · 15/08/2013 14:29

My advice to you (I had to post I'm only up to page 6 but I would fight your mil (bitch in law) if I could Is laugh in her face. Till tears run down your face, treat her like fruit loop make twilight theme tube noises, ask her how loopy she's feeling today, take the piss big time. Give no importance to her she's an acidic cunt. Thanks.

PedantMarina · 15/08/2013 14:34

Oh dear, disappointed that SIL was apparently in on it after all.

Then again, is it possible she rolled up with with MIL to make her apologise? I'd like to hope...

Avoid them like the plague and take good care of each other. Oh, and wish DH a belated happy birthday from us, his Mumsnet sisters(brothers)!

thebitchdoctor · 15/08/2013 14:58

Delurking to say I'm so sorry this has happened to you. MIL is clearly an evil cunt.

Just be on guard in case MIL and SIL turn up to your house, tell them both to go fuck themselves if they do!

ViviPru · 15/08/2013 15:04

How narcissistic of her to think whatever problem she thinks she has is more important that respecting her son's right to peacefully go about his occupation at his place of work.

This is scarily close to home. I had my loon of a sil screaming down the phone at full pelt to me on my first day of a new job over the fact that we had not attended on my DNs birthday because DH had been sick. When I explained I couldn't engage right now because I was at work she screamed that it was clear where my priorities lie. Well, I'm afraid between the hours of 9 and 5 that IS where my priorities lie! Not posting on MN. Oh no

OrangeLily · 15/08/2013 15:16

They turned up at his work Shock mortifying.

Sounds like you need to get her and your Mum in a room and let them fight it out in a room!

lovestogarden · 15/08/2013 15:21

Had DH spoken to his brother? Since he has possibly had 'the treatment' from their mum he might have some insights (and may be able to keep SIL away from MILs drama as she is either in cahoots or the audience MIL is so desperate for). Where is DHs dad? The OP mentions the MILs partner, so it sounds like he isn't their dad (and probably comes second to them in pecking order).

I want to know what they said when they came to his work? I would have wheeled them up to Security and said 'see these two? Don't ever let them in the building again - they are crazy'.

sorryitsanotherpilone · 15/08/2013 16:33

Turning up at your dh's work shows such a complete lack of respect for you dh imo.

They're acting like he is a child / possession and they just expect him to drop all his work and responsibilities because mummy has asked him too regardless of the consequences for him.

Your sil sounds like a bit of a smiling assassin too tbh.

Whatever happens in the future don't trust your sil again.

As for your dh he honestly sounds like a gem! I think the best thing you can do for the next few days is keep reassuring him what an amazing person he is and be super nice to him nice dinner little treats etc.

I think if you keep getting dragged into talking about it he will be fed up. If his mother keeps pestering but his dw is being an angel making him feel special. You'll be the one who doesn't keep dragging it up and being graceful about it and you mil is showing herself to be the nagging cow she is.

Libertine73 · 15/08/2013 16:36

I'm just Shock at this whole thing, so god knows how you and your poor DH are feeling.

I mean what does she think is going to happen if she manages to 'reclaim' him?! He moves back in with her? Never sees his wife and kids again? Mental!

What is more likely is she will lose him, and her DGC all together, it's such a shame, you didn't even have that bad a relationship with her by the sounds of it. Silly silly woman.

FixItUpChappie · 15/08/2013 16:43

What is needed is a heavy and lengthy bit of distance from your MIL and SIL. They aren't going to offer you a quiet life so take it.

pigletmania · 15/08/2013 17:00

They are disgusting, of course SIL was in on it! For a quiet life ophave nothing to do with any of them!

TidyDancer · 15/08/2013 17:23

I had a feeling they might show up to see your DH. Doing so at his work is presumably the only way they could be sure you would be cut out of any conversation.

Shitbags, they really are.

DontActuallyLikePrunes · 15/08/2013 17:35

They were quick off the mark, eh?

DuchessFanny · 15/08/2013 17:45

They know they're in the wrong and pushing him away. now theyll be trying to win him over !

brass · 15/08/2013 17:49

This is unforgivable behaviour and shows utter disrespect to all of you. You, your DH and your DC.

Nasty people.

IAmNotAMindReader · 15/08/2013 17:51

So the stage is set for more hysteria. Prepare for the excuse for turning up at work to be a "But it's the only place we can see you now, she's taken over your life so much" or something similar. However her actions are pushing him away further, unfortunately this may result in more extreme behaviour from her to try to re-establish control. She may suddenly be seriously ill or having a breakdown and yes it will be blamed on you I'm afraid. DH may be called to a family meeting as a kind of intervention to stop the silliness of not speaking because it is not good for MIL.

Unfortunately it seems at best your SIL is enabling your MIL and going along for the quiet life so she doesn't become a target. At worst she had a hand in things Sad

Concentrate on your DH and your DC's. Let him continue to take the lead here with regards his relationship with them and of course you have already said no matter if he makes peace with them or not you and your children will not be having any further contact. At least you know the truth, take some solace from that but they will never apologise at best there will be attempts to ignore it and sweep it under the carpet.

Strokethefurrywall · 15/08/2013 18:09

I usually wish a nasty death on fuckers like Pol Pot, child abusers, rapists and psycho sociopaths who like to inflict pain.

I'm now including your disgusting excuse for a MIL in this. Karma may come back to bite me for the energy I'm sending out right now, but so help me, it would be worth it to know that she's suffering.

Miserable cunt.

OP, I really feel for you, your DH and your children. You have plenty of support here and more than likely in RL. I pray for your full recovery and good news at your consultants next week Flowers

Groovee · 15/08/2013 18:35

I was about to say I can't believe that they turned up at his work, but actually I can. His mother is so deluded she cannot see what she is doing. It will be woe is me, rather than "what did I do which was so wrong?"

I think your DH was really strong to turn them away.