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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to try and work my sister's hen party around breast feeding my 4 1/2 month old baby?

155 replies

PodeTheBogeySlayer · 14/08/2013 17:01

Supposed to be going to my sister's hen party this weekend but DH has basically received an email from soon to be BIL saying I shouldn't bf while there because it will interfere with the day.

The hen do is minimum 2 hours away from where I live and his wonderful suggestions were to:
A) go but leave every time DS2 needs feeding
B) go just for lunch and then leave
C) not go
D) just travel up Sunday to see them (when they'll all be hungover...!?)

The Hen Do plan was to spend all day in a hotel with pamper session in suite and various games, then out for dinner and drinks. DH was going to travel up and spend the day with DS1, take DS2 in between feeds and basically spend the evening in a hotel room with two sleeping boys. We've come to the decision that there is only one option. Now working out what to do with our weekend...

AWBU?

OP posts:
Yonionekanobe · 14/08/2013 17:02

What does your sister say? Is the email on her behest?

TarkaTheOtter · 14/08/2013 17:02

Why is it his business? What does your sister want you to do?

ThePosterBelowMeSucks · 14/08/2013 17:03

How will you bf'ing interfere with the day?

I'd not want to go after that 'brave' email.

What does your sister have to say about it?

HeySoulSister · 14/08/2013 17:06

has this suggestion just come out of the blue? why would they consider all this?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 14/08/2013 17:07

I think you should tell BIL to piss off. Surely you're doing what you can in order to go?

Bubbles1066 · 14/08/2013 17:07

I'm completely at a loss to see why feeding the baby will interfere with the day. Did he say why? what has it got to do with him anyway?

crazyspaniel · 14/08/2013 17:09

Wow, you sister's marrying a real charmer, isn't she?

ImNotBloody14 · 14/08/2013 17:09

i'd tell him to fuck off and do whatever the hell I pleased with my baby and my boobs!!

ImNotBloody14 · 14/08/2013 17:09

is he a groomzilla? Grin

Ragwort · 14/08/2013 17:10

Why can't you pick the phone up and talk to your sister about this, does she even know about the email Shock. Totally unreasonable and very rude. Why on earth is the groom-to-be even thinking about the hen party?

StuntGirl · 14/08/2013 17:10

What does your sister think?

Cravingdairy · 14/08/2013 17:12

It has fuck all to do with him! You and your DH who sounds a star have a perfectly workable plan. Go and have a wonderful time.

tumbletumble · 14/08/2013 17:14

What does suggestion A mean? Go as in just leave the room?

maja00 · 14/08/2013 17:15

Definitely speak to your sister.

If she really doesn't want your DH popping in and out with the baby/you leaving every couple of hours to feed, maybe you could just go up for lunch with the hen party, spend the afternoon with your family, and then go out for the evening do?

PastaBeeandCheese · 14/08/2013 17:16

I agree you should call your sister and talk to her about it. Obviously YANBU if she stands by what her fiancé has said.

ConcreteElephant · 14/08/2013 17:19

Do they have children? Planning to have children? Because that's going to be a whole world of interesting conversations...

I'm sorry this has happened, it sounds like you had a really good plan to enable you to go too - it's not like you were planning to have baby hanging off your hip all day.

I'd talk to your sister.

ConcreteElephant · 14/08/2013 17:22

Sorry, that sounds like I think folk who don't have children 'couldn't possibly understand' ... I don't think that at all.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 17:26

It might just be that your sister doesn't want your DH coming in with the children every couple of hours, and you feeding there - which is fair enough if she wants a partner/child free day.

AngryGnome · 14/08/2013 17:27

How bizarre that your soon-to-be-BIL is emailing your DH about this. Neither of them are attending the event, surely any discussion about this should be between you and your sister?

Do you think this has come from her and she is too afraid to talk to you directly? Does she know what your plan is? I can't imagine uninviting my sister to my hen do because she had to bf my nephew Confused

MrsHoarder · 14/08/2013 17:27

It is fair enough maja, as long as she's decent about the OP not being able to go because of that. Because obviously feeding an ebf baby comes above attending a party.

SpottyTeacakes · 14/08/2013 17:28

Agree you need to speak to your sister but if she's in agreement I definitely wouldn't be going at all

DisAstrophe · 14/08/2013 17:30

Actually I can see his point. It is a girls weekend and focus is meant to be enjoying the last days of freedom. Some of the other girls will be leaving their kids behind

But your dh will be in the hotel with 2 small boys. Inevitably they will feel very rude if they don't invite your dh and the boys not to join in with some of the day. That will mean they have to change the conversation to take account of older ds and dh. Some will feel they should help a bit here and there with childcare.

Unless the hotel is very child friendly it is not going to be much fun for dh and your oldest either.

Why not check into another child friendly hotel nearby and go for less of the weekend

YANBU to think your sister should be the one to call you and talk about it though.

DoItTooJulia · 14/08/2013 17:30

I've read it and re-read it and I still don't understand.

Wtf has it got to do with him? Why is breastfeeding incompatible with a hen do? Why email just now? Presumably it's been booked for ages? What does your sister say?

I could go on, but I won't. I would go have a lovely weekend somewhere with your lovely DH and kids.

pizzaqueen · 14/08/2013 17:30

could there be any sensitive issues for your sister (or someone else in the hen party) have any sensitivities about a small baby being around? problems conceiving or a recent loss? having your ds there might put a shadow over the weekend for someone if that's the case.

if there are no other reasons for not having your ds as long as you are not expecting the day to revolve around his feeding schedule yanbu.

DoItTooJulia · 14/08/2013 17:31

Woah. I missed that bit, he emailed your DH. WHAT THE FUCK?

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