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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to try and work my sister's hen party around breast feeding my 4 1/2 month old baby?

155 replies

PodeTheBogeySlayer · 14/08/2013 17:01

Supposed to be going to my sister's hen party this weekend but DH has basically received an email from soon to be BIL saying I shouldn't bf while there because it will interfere with the day.

The hen do is minimum 2 hours away from where I live and his wonderful suggestions were to:
A) go but leave every time DS2 needs feeding
B) go just for lunch and then leave
C) not go
D) just travel up Sunday to see them (when they'll all be hungover...!?)

The Hen Do plan was to spend all day in a hotel with pamper session in suite and various games, then out for dinner and drinks. DH was going to travel up and spend the day with DS1, take DS2 in between feeds and basically spend the evening in a hotel room with two sleeping boys. We've come to the decision that there is only one option. Now working out what to do with our weekend...

AWBU?

OP posts:
Yonionekanobe · 14/08/2013 18:28

Brilliant idea - why didn't I think of the starvation route?

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:29

If you're breastfeeding and don't want to use formula though, why would you? It's not crack, it's just not as good as breastmilk.

ConcreteElephant · 14/08/2013 18:29

pinupgirl I don't know - we didn't introduce a bottle till breastfeeding was well established and I fancied being able to hand DD to DH for the dream feed so I could get some sleep. She was only having one bottle a day and then just went off it. If I'd needed to I'd have persevered but I didn't, so I didn't... I didn't much fancy leaving her hungry or crying if it wasn't necessary.

MrsHoarder · 14/08/2013 18:30

Pinupgirl: DS was a bottle refuser from 2 months. I didn't leave him starving for hours so I could go to social events, I just took him or didn't go for 6 months. Luckily for me there was nothing that I couldn't take him to that I was really bothered about when he was that age.

Yes if I was hospitalised or something he would have eventually given in, but that's not really the point here.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:30

Anyway, even if you used formula for the day, you'd still have to go and feed the baby regularly or you'd leak everywhere and be in agony.

AnneUulmelmahay · 14/08/2013 18:31

Would you try starving your baby to prove your theory? Laughable and ignorant in my opinion.

Anyway, let's not be derailed.

I do think the OP should speak to sister to unravel what is going on.

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:31

Well personally it it were me and it was my sisters hen night then I would try formula-for one night it wont kill the baby and lets be honest here-there are no martyr medals. Or just don't go.

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:34

I am not suggesting you leave a baby to starve all day. Im just curious as to how many of you are saying your babies were bottle "refusers" when what you actually mean is that you let baby cry for 5 mins and then shoved the boob in their face.

Btw I am not anti-bf-I think if you can then you should try and do it but I do think some posters on mn take it all far too seriously and think it makes them superior mums.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:34

I wouldn't have been able, physically, to have been away from my 4 month old all day and night - that's not martyrdom. Whether I went with the baby or didn't go at all would depend on how important it was for me to be there.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:35

How long would you starve the baby for then?

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:36

Im not suggesting you leave your baby for random nights out maja-far from it. With my pfb I didn't go out for 5 months and I didn't even bf!-just wasn't comfortable to leave him.

But op's is talking about her sisters hen night which imo is a different kettle of fish.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:37

Strange that you think it is a superiority issue. This thread is about the practical issue - a lot of the time, breastfeeding a small baby means you can't be away from them for long periods. That's just the way it is.

AnneUulmelmahay · 14/08/2013 18:38

Why are you so pro formula? V odd indeed to not accept that there are two people in a bf relationship, mama and baby.

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:39

As I said I agree with you maja if it were just a run of the mill night out. But it isn't and if I were the op I would be making every effort to go despite bil rudeness.

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:40

I am not pro formula-as I said I think bf is best even though I didn't do it myself. But neither do I think formula is the devil's work as it is often made out to be on here.

AnneUulmelmahay · 14/08/2013 18:40

Not sure why responsive parenting is such an issue for you. Baby cues for food, bottle rejected, breast offered, baby is fed.

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:41

Wtf is responsive parenting?Hmm

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:41

For me Pinup, I physically couldn't have been away from my 4 month old for a whole day and night. Can you understand that? I would have been in agony and leaking milk everywhere.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 14/08/2013 18:42

If the OP has to leave to express to stop her tits exploding it's not more disruptive than leaving to feed a baby. It wouldn't like it at a hen do if someones DH kept turning up with a baby (or without) but I assumed the OP would leave feed the baby in the hotel room and then go back to the party. The weirdest thing about it is the BIL emailing the OPs DH, especially as they are in laws and the women are sisters.

SpottyTeacakes · 14/08/2013 18:42

The thing is, with such a young baby, if you go as little as four hours without feeding your boobs get engorged and leak everywhere (ime anyway) so it's not a case of just giving baby a bottle and keeping them happy

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:43

Yes I can understand that maja but op has not posted that she cant physically be away from her baby to attend the hen do.

Are you intending to return to work out of interest?

AnneUulmelmahay · 14/08/2013 18:43

No one us saying infant formula is the devils work or like crack cocaine, except you. Confused

Poor op, thread well and truly hijacked, sigh.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:44

I returned to work ages ago. Not with a 4 month old though.

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:45

Thread was hijacked by posters who chose to take issue with my opinion

Go to the hen night op if you value your relationship with your sister-pop out to hotel room to bf baby if you need too. Have a good time in the company of adults.

TarkaTheOtter · 14/08/2013 18:46

pinupgirl did you breastfeed? No judgement, just it comes across like you don't really understand the logistics of it. When dd was little if I missed a "feed" by 30mins I started leaking everywhere. By 2hrs late I was in pain. Much longer and I'd've been at serious risk of mastitis. It's like when your milk first comes in and you have to wear cabbage leaves in your bra and stand under a hot shower for hours to relive the discomfort. Or you can feed the baby and make it all go away.

I can understand your sister not wanting a baby at her hen do (even though its not particularly inclusive to you) so I'd just nip back to your hotel room where dh is for feeds.

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