Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to want to try and work my sister's hen party around breast feeding my 4 1/2 month old baby?

155 replies

PodeTheBogeySlayer · 14/08/2013 17:01

Supposed to be going to my sister's hen party this weekend but DH has basically received an email from soon to be BIL saying I shouldn't bf while there because it will interfere with the day.

The hen do is minimum 2 hours away from where I live and his wonderful suggestions were to:
A) go but leave every time DS2 needs feeding
B) go just for lunch and then leave
C) not go
D) just travel up Sunday to see them (when they'll all be hungover...!?)

The Hen Do plan was to spend all day in a hotel with pamper session in suite and various games, then out for dinner and drinks. DH was going to travel up and spend the day with DS1, take DS2 in between feeds and basically spend the evening in a hotel room with two sleeping boys. We've come to the decision that there is only one option. Now working out what to do with our weekend...

AWBU?

OP posts:
LittleEsme · 14/08/2013 17:31

Ignore email and carry on as planned.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 17:36

If it was me, I would have been on the phone to my sister immediately asking what the issue was and what resolution she would like.

DrinaDancesInParis · 14/08/2013 17:38

Like everyone else I'm just thrown that your soon to be BIL has emailed your DH about this. It can only be, either he is a weirdo control freak who assumes the fiancees and husbands of the world make all the decisions; or, your Dsis really thinks this too, but is too scared to say so, and came up with this bizarre solution.

Call your sister!

BrokenBanana · 14/08/2013 17:42

I can kind of see his point, although its your sisters business and not his.

If I was going on a pamper day without DS I would definitely not want any other children there, it's an adults day.

AngryGnome · 14/08/2013 17:44

To be honest, I can't see how having a baby brought in and out for feeds would be a problem with the type of day she is planning. Is this the first you have heard about it being a problem? Has your sister hinted that she doesn't want yu to be feedin your baby at her hen do? Do you normally have a good relationship with her?

WipsGlitter · 14/08/2013 17:46

My first though (unlike most it would seem) is that your sister has been moaning to him and he's trying to deal with it this way?

You need to speak to your sister.

BeauNatt · 14/08/2013 17:49

I presume they don't have children. A bf baby can't be left like that (unless you want to express but no need for you to if you don't want!). Go with your baby. Leave if you feel uncomfortable.

Fwiw I cancelled attending a hen do with bf 6mo as I felt all the attention would be on the baby not the "hen" and it would've been a hassle to keep the baby happy all day. Family but not my sister though so that's different.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 17:54

I think it's fair not to want babies/children/husbands at a hen pamper day (if that is what your sister feels) and I do have children who were breastfed.

If it's not that kind of day, it's not that kind of day.

I'm sure the OP could find a way round it though if she wanted to - like just coming out for lunch for a couple of hours, and then just going to the evening bit.

ViviPru · 14/08/2013 17:57

YANBU.

Your plan sounds like a really reasonable compromise.

There were two BFing Mums on my hen weekend, it was more important to me to spend time with them than to plan an activity that might exclude them, so I gave them loads of options, one being DP/Hs staying in close proximity as per your plan.

Hurry back OP and tell us more about whether you plan to speak to your sister or not?

ViviPru · 14/08/2013 17:59

I think it's fair not to want babies/children/husbands at a hen pamper day. They won't be there though will they, they'll be elsewhere in the hotel. The hen do would be none the wiser.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:00

Vivi - presumably the plan at the moment is to have the DH bring the baby in for feeding, since one of the BIL's suggestions is that the OP leaves to feed the baby?

diddl · 14/08/2013 18:01

I wouldn't even have considered going tbh.

ViviPru · 14/08/2013 18:05

You make a good point, I clearly didn't read the OP properly - That's why we need the OP back to clarify this stuff!! I totally envisaged that the DH would be staying in the same hotel with the DSs and she'd be going up to the room or wherever they are to BF rather than the baby be brought to the group... which is the most reasonable option I suppose.

Xmasbaby11 · 14/08/2013 18:06

That's an awful lot of effort just for a hen do. I wouldn't expect a baby to be welcome at a hen do, and if your DH is on his own in another room with the two kids, it's a bit miserable for him. I really wouldn't go. Some fun events you just have to sacrifice when you have very young children.

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:07

I would express and give the baby a bottle. But I am not part of the bf militia.Its your sisters hen do-with any luck she will only have one.

badguider · 14/08/2013 18:08

Weird that the BIL has emailed your DH about this... I would speak to your sister..

BUT... you say 'go but leave everytime you need to feed' - is that not what you're proposing?
I would expect you to leave the 'party' to feed rather than keep bringing the baby in to the hen do to be honest. Given it's an adult only gathering you should be the one to go out to meet your dh and feed your baby rather than have them come to you. Some of the other women will have left their children and not want yours around or to be reminded of children.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:09

What does expressing have to do with militia Confused

ConcreteElephant · 14/08/2013 18:15

I have to say I envisaged the OP popping out quietly to feed the baby rather than her DH bringing baby in to where the hen is happening - I think the former is the reasonable option, the latter would be disruptive, certainly.

I couldn't have expressed at that age, DD took a bottle of ebm for approx 2 weeks before flat refusing. I never bothered with DS so wouldn't have had all the necessary gear.

nancerama · 14/08/2013 18:16

Pinupgirl. I would dearly have loved to have been able to leave DS with DH and some expressed milk and trot off for a day out with friends. Unfortunately he was a bottle refuser. Some babies are. Your comment is incredibly offensive.

OP, I think you need to speak with your sister. This thread is just bizarre. In your shoes, and given the options, I would possibly go along for part of the day. The other hens will no doubt get increasingly drunk as the day goes on, giving you the opportunity to slip away. I'd probably be tempted to skip the whole thing after the email, but if that would sour your relationship with your sister, it may not be the best option long term.

diddl · 14/08/2013 18:18

So I wonder what someone has objected to?

The prospect of seeing OP bfeeding or the prospect of her husband/toddler turning up every couple of hrs?

Or just the thought of the day being constantly interrupted?

Yonionekanobe · 14/08/2013 18:20

Concrete, my DD was exactly the same. 2 weeks of taking expressed milk from a bottle then refused, for months...

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:23

So why do formula fed babies not refuse bottles then?Confused-surely if you leave the baby for long enough it would have to take the bottle or starve?

The militia comment was tongue in cheek after seeing the other thread re bf in swimming pool

WhenToGo · 14/08/2013 18:23

I think if you plan on having DH and DSs ins room and you going in and out to them as required, that's totally reasonable. It sounds like a lot of hard work and I think your sister should be grateful at the effort. You should definitely talk to her, maybe don't bring up the email. Her fiancé is being unreasonable in contacting your DH, but maybe he is worried about your reaction.

maja00 · 14/08/2013 18:26

Pinup - because bottle fed babies have bottles from birth, so don't get used to any different?

Few mothers would choose to starve their baby into submission unless it was very necessary Confused

Anyway, I had a baby who would take a bottle but I couldn't express, so it wouldn't have worked for me.

Pinupgirl · 14/08/2013 18:28

Well you could have used formula majaits not actually crack cocaine you knowWink