AIBU to want to try and work my sister's hen party around breast feeding my 4 1/2 month old baby?

[PodeTheBogeySlayer]

Supposed to be going to my sister's hen party this weekend but DH has basically received an email from soon to be BIL saying I shouldn't bf while there because it will interfere with the day.

The hen do is minimum 2 hours away from where I live and his wonderful suggestions were to:
A) go but leave every time DS2 needs feeding
B) go just for lunch and then leave
C) not go
D) just travel up Sunday to see them (when they'll all be hungover...!?)

The Hen Do plan was to spend all day in a hotel with pamper session in suite and various games, then out for dinner and drinks. DH was going to travel up and spend the day with DS1, take DS2 in between feeds and basically spend the evening in a hotel room with two sleeping boys. We've come to the decision that there is only one option. Now working out what to do with our weekend...

AWBU?

Really? I apologise for being sceptical then. I found I got really anxious being away from ds. I like the op's original plan but would have found the others really difficult. Just shows how different we all are eh?

Sorry, that last comment was for Petey.

I cant say I got anxious. Dd2 was a bottle refuser but I made it my lifes mission to get her to tale ot so I could have a night out for something similar to this. I did a trial run night at a couple of months, and she was having none of it so I tried everyday with different bottles and she liked this teeny bottle like an animal feeding bottle.

She took that and was fine, and I went out and went crazy as hadnt been out for nearly a year. I loved it.

Fgs it's a tiny baby, it's not going to "disrupt" anything. I'm getting married next year, I fully expect one of my bridesmaids will bring her four month old to the hen do if she bf's as she is planning to do. She has just found out its a little girl so that's ok :)

I think a tiny baby carried into a spa treatment room by a husband with a toddler in tow WOULD disrupt me I'm afraid. Sorry. Particularly if I were dressed in a gown or lying naked under towels.

OP has lit blue touch paper and left us to it. Skilled wedding/ in laws/ bf combo.

I agree that if option a means you nip out as and when needed then that's what I assumed you'd want to do anyway? Not least because at 4.5 months old my DD was a distractible little bugger and I'd much prefer to feed in private.

I also assumed OP would be popping out of the room...

I too would be interested to know whether you are going to have a chat with your sister.

I think it's unfair though to expect someone who exclusively breastfeeds to not at the very least go every few hours for half an hour to feed/settle the baby. It's all very well saying, 'give them a bottle'. My baby TAKES a bottle but only rarely takes it off me. In fact sometimes she'll cry with hunger and still not take it from me. She's 4 1/2 months too.

I think it's very werid the BIL messaging your partner. Why not sister messaging you or calling you? Or if it had to be BIL, why not message you? It seems very impersonal and pretty rude.

I hope you speak to your sister and resolve whatever this possible problem is.

He's emailed to say not to BFthat day?

Does he think its optional? He sounds like a prize idiot for so many reasons.

If your baby isn't used to a bottle it's going to be a hugely distressing day. For baby,for you for your DH and other child.

Is it ok with him to express?

Call sister. Talk.

Presumably when the hen was planned they knew you had a young baby?

Sounds like he is saying don't bf at the hen party, not don't bf at all that day BeCool - one of his alternative suggestions is to leave the party to feed.

It sounds as if you and your DH have come up with the perfect solution. If he will be there to look after the baby and all you have to is bf when he brings him to you I really don't see the issue at all. Is it because your sister wants you to be able to get wasted with them all?

Pinup it's a day AND. A night!

I for one wouldn't be forcing my baby to take a bottle or starve for that length of time.

And there's no reason for the DH to be there interrupting everyone's "fun". There are these marvellous things called texts these days.

DH text - we're coming for feed.
Post feed OP can text -- we are done now, cheers.

DH collects baby. As inoffensively as possible.

How offended can a bunch of grown women be? Seriously.

I don't think a BFing baby would be that disruptive, but some people are overly precious about hen weekends. If you want everyone to be able to attend have a meal out then go to a nightclub, not these big sessions that require everyone to have plenty of money and easy babysitters.

Just remembered I had a bottle refuser as well. DD2 refused EBM from a bottle, then a sippy cup, then an open cup. She never took milk from anywhere except source until she was well over 1. At nursery she drank water (and ate a lot of food).

The OP appears to have popped out of AIBU. For good.

Come back OP!

Aside from the BFing/expressing/bottle refusing debate, why the hell has this request come to you from your future BIL? What does your sister think?

I'd be picking up the phone to my sis ASAP. If she doesn't want your DH nipping in every 90 mins (yes my 4 month old BFs that often ) then that's pretty reasonable - keeping the hen do hen-like and with no male inturusion if thats her bag. You can just nip over to the room, hotel lobby, bar or wherever for his feeds.

But why oh why has this come from BIL to be ??!

Actually bfing might not be that disruptive, but I can see the bride worrying about the DH, toddler and baby coming in and out being disruptive.

I can see the bride's point (but she should have rung you, nothing to do with her DP imho)

Hen spa days are for relaxing, without children or anything else to worry about. Not a place for a baby and tbh if i was you i wouldn't go unless the plan is for you to leave the room and go up to your bedroom to bf. I wouldn't want a bloke coming in when I'm sat in a robe with a face mask on. Nor would i want the DS popping in (inevitable really -'i wanna see auntie bride..)

Bf baby wouldn't bother me but I'm another who wouldn't want the husband and toddler popping in and out. I don't see why the op has a problem with going to the hotel room for feeds rather than hubby disturbing all the women.

Are babies/toddlers actually allowed in spa areas? I've never seen one but I'm not very experienced and I don't see well at all without my specs. Spa days/nights are pretty expensive and often people really enjoy them as an opportunity to catch up with friends they don't often see. I think they are entitled to be a bit precious. I read the OP as 'leave every time ds2 needs feeding' leave and go home as it literally never occurred to me that anyone would not leave a spa and feed in another part of the hotel.

Mynaneiskane who exactly do you think you Ste to make a comment like that?

The OP hasn't been asked not to breastfeed but instead has been given several options none of which involve feeding at the party. OP can leave for each feed or just not go which is what happens when you have a small baby. No big deal.