To think some modern parents make unnecessary work for themselves

[Vintageclock]

My aunt, who reared ten children and at one time had five children under four years of age (including 2 yr old twins) has just spent a day minding her first grandchild and said it was harder work than anything she had experienced before. The baby came with a list of instructions as long as your arm, a huge bag full of lotion for this and ointment for that, a rigid timetable of naps and snacks and drinks, rules about sterilising anything the child looked at, and complicated sleeping bags and play suits to be zipped in and out of.
I have seen this with a few friends as well - they can't meet you for lunch until 2.30 because the baby has to be fed at 1.28 on the dot, no one can visit between 3.00 and 4.30 because that's nap time and the baby will wake up at the slightest noise, are constantly pulling things out of their baby's hands because of 'germs' etc etc etc.

AIBU to think some mums just go over the top, obsess about every detail of rearing a child. and are turning it into an overly complicated science when previous generations managed perfectly well without half of the nonsense some modern parents go on with?

Yes, I do think that some parents make parenting a lot more complicated and fussy and burden themselves way more than necessary with all sorts of stuff.
It's their choice, and not mine. It doesn't bother me if it works for them and the child is emotionally and physically well.
Parenting is tricky, and parents work out their own systems. I tend to only offer suggestions that are positive, and I don't nag and pressurise either.
So if I was looking after a child with a list as long as my arm, I'd do it. But I'd consider if I wanted to repeat the experience.

No, I don't carry spare clothes around for my 5yo. How daft.

I used to, but my boy is an adventurous type.
I carried spare clothes and a binliner and towel in the car and used them on many occasion. Ridiculous is being stuck with a child clarted in mud from head to toe and thinking 'Fuck, what do I do now?'

Oh, and he's 18 now and packs spare kit and a towel for himself.

I don't think its so much the modern parents that make work for themselves its the expectations now.

I often read on MN how some young parents are fuming that they could not get on a bus with their buggy and I think to myself stopped posting as I always get flamed just fold it up like we all had to do not so long ago, but as modern parents expect a bus that can take a buggy then they have no idea about adapting.

The same with all things parenting wise I suppose, not so long ago, most of us just got on with it, with limited accessories, limited expectations of the 'perfect parent'...I know I am so glad that I am no longer in that phase of life!

Cricketballs - I would quite happily collapse if there was somewhere to store my buggy, but on modern buses there isn't it.

I can hardly sit with it on my lap.

Another example of how parents of older children don't understand how things have changed.

I think the fact that your aunt found a playsuit and sleeping bag 'complicated' suggests she is finding it tougher now she is older. Also, if she found bringing up ten kids easier then is it possible she didn't do a great job of bringing them up and just did the bare minimum she could get away with?

I have to have changes of clean clothes for my disabled child because he will lose his shit completely if he's mucky. The MN standard of 'it's just a snapshot' can be very handy as a measuring stick! It would look spoiled and precious without explanation, lots of the things we do would. But even if I was doing it just because doesn't mean I would give a gnats if you weren't.

We have also got a boot full of binbags and dry clean clothes because mud is one thing, waist deep in a bloody bog is another .

not on your lay, but stood by the side of you, under the seat...

I accept that older parents don't understand how things have changed, but have they changed for the better?

lap sorry not lay

You mean people don't get lost in a grobag the first time they use it? Just me?

on the giant bag front, it's worth remembering that the world is much more baby-friendly than it was, and so parents can be out and about with their babies for much longer periods at a time, which will mean taking more nappies, clothes etc. When DD was a baby, certainly under 6 months, I could easily spend a whole day out of the house with her: bit of shopping, meet up with mum or friends, wander round a park, go to a gallery. Everywhere has baby change facilities, many big shops have parents' rooms where you can feed in peace and quiet (Peter Jones, I salute you! (the shop, not the man)), and so on. Back in the day, those facilities weren't there, so parents were out for shorter periods of time, and therefore didn't have as much stuff to carry about. This is a good thing, surely!

I get on a bus similar to this

There is no way you can put a buggy under the seat. The only standing space is the space where the wheelchairs/buggys go. So If this space is full (which presumably it is, as I have needed to collapse the buggy) I would be standing in the middle of the aisle holding onto a collapsed buggy with one hand, using the other hand to balance and then what do I do with the baby?

I am not saying they have changed for the better. But we have to deal with the way the world is now, not twenty years, and having a go at parents because buses do not allow you to collapse buggys any more is frankly ridiculous.

I was all set to do the GF routines with my twins, keen to have a set routine, sleep 12 hours through the night etc etc.
Now, at 11 weeks, the DTs are starting to get an evening routine of bath feed bed. One slept 8 hrs last night, the other struggles but seems to be getting there.
They have NO set daytime routine as they fit in with my plans or seeing family and friends. They nap several times on and off in the day.
And as for Gina Ford- I think she's a lunatic and I've sold her twins book as it's utterly ridiculous with it's rigidity.
Baby whisperer was helpful but I don't get time to read it properly :(

Fair point mrsoakenshield I was talking to my mum the other day about differences for us as parents. There is nowhere i've been: airports, supermarkets, restaurants... That I haven't bf my babies. She told me she had to go out to the car to feed me (early 1970s) when they stopped at a pub on a long journey.
I still think she would've had a giant bag though. I've always known her to carry a capacious handbag, even now.

Fromage - its not having a go,I've suggested that you can fold your buggy up; believe it or not, buses have never had a huge area for storing folded buggies, so yes I often used to have to grow an extra arm!

The point I raised was that as the world has moved on, perhaps it is not always for the better and we as a society have lost the ability to become adaptable to the situation and this has lead to the op's point that the unnecessary work is due in part to this

You grew an extra an arm? Amazing. I agree we are not all adaptable enough to do that

I agree that some parents do create problems and pander But some kids really do need to sleep at 12 and 7pm or become a nightmare for everyone. Mine also need a snack after school due to low blood sugar.

As a child I remember feeling very low on my parents priority list.

This thread's rights should be bought by companies selling condoms and contraceptive pills

And maybe, just maybe, the complicated inflexible routine is there for a damn good reason.

This. I think people do what they have to do to get through the day, and that their behaviour is heavily dependent on the baby they have. Some can cope with variation, some need rigid routine or they will be up til 3am shouting the odds and crabbit as all hell whilst their strung out mother weeps into yet another lukewarm coffee and watches the clock tick round.

Whatever gets you through it (regardless of other people who know better, and there seems no shortage of them)

I think when I was a baby it was assumed that you had local shops so perhaps my mum never got on a bus. However, if she did I don't think she would have been able to collapse her pram. Collapsable buggies for babies are quite a recent invention.

i am the youngest of 7. My mums view on it all is that in her day things were a bit easier as we all had less. They might not have had automatic Washing Machines and dishwashers, but also houses were smaller so less to clean, they all had less toys etc and things in general, so there was less to tidy and put away and dust

We all had very few clothes so she wasn't washing every day. We got a bath once a week, played outside most of the time, all ate the same meals (or didn't eat). One set of crockery meant that washing up was done after every meal and mostly lunch was just eaten in your hand (bread and something) so no dishes to wash.

You shopped at the local shop every day and only bought what you needed. We drank water straight out the tap (or the natural spring in the park!) or milk delivered to the door.

The elder children helped mind the younger, we had sheets on the beds and blankets so no complicated duvet covers etc to deal with.

cleanliness expectations in terms of children were a lot less, babies lived in gowns until they were crawling and even then would be strapped in a pram indoors or out for a fair bit of the day, just watching the world go by.

She said that after 3 it never got any harder work and that she thinks life is so much harder now as expectations are so much higher.

My mum worked part time and still had time to sew and knit most of our clothes

MIL tells me that the bus conductor always sorted out the pram, stowing if necessary.

Parents who are having a hard time are more likely to be anxious and more likely to do whatever it takes to cope. Whether that is a strict routine or velcro parenting.

They don't need smug judgements from lucky parents.

dontmindifido i reckon i'm at the height of large bag requirements with a weaning dd and a potty training ds
But tbh. I often need a change of clothes myself (although fully toilet trained) so i don't think i'll ever be heading out with a teeny handbag.

Apparently the bigger the bag, the smaller you look. if it's good enough for Vicky beck ham