To think some modern parents make unnecessary work for themselves

[Vintageclock]

My aunt, who reared ten children and at one time had five children under four years of age (including 2 yr old twins) has just spent a day minding her first grandchild and said it was harder work than anything she had experienced before. The baby came with a list of instructions as long as your arm, a huge bag full of lotion for this and ointment for that, a rigid timetable of naps and snacks and drinks, rules about sterilising anything the child looked at, and complicated sleeping bags and play suits to be zipped in and out of.
I have seen this with a few friends as well - they can't meet you for lunch until 2.30 because the baby has to be fed at 1.28 on the dot, no one can visit between 3.00 and 4.30 because that's nap time and the baby will wake up at the slightest noise, are constantly pulling things out of their baby's hands because of 'germs' etc etc etc.

AIBU to think some mums just go over the top, obsess about every detail of rearing a child. and are turning it into an overly complicated science when previous generations managed perfectly well without half of the nonsense some modern parents go on with?

Yes creatureretorts, I think your right and I'm confused about which side of this debate I fall on.

Blame it on pregnancy brain.

I do stick to routine. Quite strictly actually. Dd2 can sleep anywhere but its always within a set time frame and I wouldn't let her nap at 5pm for example.

The dc sleep, nap and eat at roughly the same time everyday. Anything other than that would be hell.

I guess the only thing I changed with dd2 was making sure she wasn't reliant on her cot for naps.

I genuinely don't care what other parents do. I do what works for me.

Judging other people for shit like this, implying you're somehow a better parent because you're more easy going etc, is petty and unnecessary.

There as always been a range, but in the past the rigid regimes were run by Nanny. My Dad grew up with two Nannies, senior nanny ruled the nursery with a rod of iron. Dad remembers her scolding the junior nanny for bending the regime. Children were presented washed and ready for bed to parents every night at 6.30pm to be kissed and sent to bed till the were sent to boarding school where the regime was even more rigid.

If I were asking someone to look after my cat I'd leave some instructions. So with a baby there might be more?

L

Sorry cut out.

Looking after your own children is always easier than someone else's. surely if baby gets tired at say 12pm you'd want to share that info?

I'm guessing with 10 kids your friend probably never really had to leave her kids outside the immediate family?

It's all down to selective memory. I have large age gaps between oldest and youngest. Even my own friends have completely forgotten what having a baby is really like.

We had a big changing bag.

It was the Huggies freebie from Boots :o

I'm sort of managing the opposite rod for my own back for DC2, she's 9 weeks old, she will not sleep in her cot. In the sling, the pram, our bed, great, her cot, no chance. DH is currently doing his stint trying to get her to sleep in her cot. It would be lovely to have our evenings back so she didn't have to be in my arms from 7pm until I'm ready to go to bed myself. I think I'd take a baby who sleeps at set times in her cot so I could do stuff while she's asleep over being flexible enough to have her sleep in the sling. (DC1 - DS, was I see rather an easy baby, it's amazing how many parents of easy babies like to take the credit, I'm realising I was just lucky he'd sleep at set times in pram or cot, and I think now I might have been lucky I did my back having him so we didn't get into a bad habit of sleeping in the sling)

I remember a poster on here complaining that she was a SAHM but couldn't get any housework done as she was always having to do something with her baby - including playing to keep DC amused.

I suggested that she get a playpen so she can keep an eye on DC (and even chatter/sing away to) while she did housework in that room. Just like my Mum used to with each of us 5 DC's.

The OP accused me of cruelty and terrible parenting by suggestion she put her PFB in "a cage"........

Oh well thought I - more fool you!

(I wonder if she sees her PFB in a cage when she puts in his/her cot?...peering thru the bars in the wee hours......)

Tell me to sod off dontmindifido because you've probably already thought of this but maybe your dd likes sleeping in small spaces and she finds the cot a big space? Would she do better in a moses basket do you think?

oh and I'm open to big changing bag recommendations (might start a thread somewhere, is it a style and beauty questions?). But then, DD doesn't need me to carry that much, it's her 'not quite dry' older brother, for whom I carry 2 complete changes of clothes, plus his snacks and general toddler stuff, in comparasion the things for DD doesn't seem like a lot. The old changing bag I had when I first had DS is no where near big enough... (nothing that says "yummy mummy" on it though, when I'm doing the dash to DS's nursery first thing with unwashed hair and no makeup on I don't think it's wise to cart something with that on it when it just invites people to think "hmm, slummy mummy is more like it".)

I do think it's partly age. I am the most laidback parent ever and DD was an easygoing baby. So when my mum looked after her (for an hour or two), it was very much, don't worry if she doesn't nap, offer her milk around 2 but don't worry if she doesn't want it ...

She still found it REALLY difficult and exhausting, couldn't get the hang of the buggy (simple McClarens) or nappies (even though she used cloth ones with me which must have been much harder, getting a wriggling baby dressed ...

I think you forget, and also tire more easily and don't learn new skills so quickly.

However, there are different styles of parenting and I do know people who are very rigid with their routines.

My parents had a ball looking after ds yesterday, no instructions left. I picked up an overtired baby who refused his tea then projectile vomited his bedtime bottle all over himself, the carpet and me as he'd been eating strawberries and fish gingers ALL day.

Grateful as I am I'll leave instructions next time!

Fromage - not going to say sod off! we started with a moses basket, but she didn't like it, so after a week she ended up either in the sling, my/DH's arms or our bed. (in our bed she'll sleep well, waking at 10pm then 3am for feeds, then through to the alarm going off, it didn't seem worth the hassle at the time to keep going with the sleeping independently when she was waking every hour doing that...)

Ha, fish fingers not gingers!

I agree some parents make life difficult for themselves my advice as mother to three grown dc is " don't sweat the small stuff," don't analyse every little thing, and most importantly of all throw away the god damn baby manuals and use your natural instinct !

dontmind have you got a travel cot? Maybe that would be less scary for DC. You can get thicker mattresses for them on Amazon. Or put the Moses basket in the cot?

sunshine I wondered what they were!

"I always think the big changing bags are because people like to show how much money they have spent on their little darlings."

Or it might be me you're looking at, Fromage. With DD1 I had a big bag because I didn't organise it. I got in, chucked the bag down and didn't look at it until I was on my way out of the door next time. At which point I'd realise I didn't know what was in there and run round throwing in random stuff - handful of nappies, couple of bags of wipes, assorted clothes - phone, wallet (I don't have a handbag so it all gets thrown in the nappy bag). Every few weeks I'd have a purge and fill the bottom quarter, making space to start again.

With DD2 I got a much smaller bag so I could be less chaotic and more organised. I have now made sure I have a clean t-shirt in there at all times though. DD2 is a vomiter.

But a big bag does so not mean more organised and prepared for every possible occasion. Sometimes it indicates the exact opposite!

Anyone who has non identical twins will tell you that SO much depends on the baby and is out of your control. Some people are smug about their routines working, others are smug about their laid back attitude working well. The reality is that you are probably doing what works best for your baby, rather than it being a reflection of your own personality.

I have boy-girl twins and I can tell you that I would absolutely have raised them completely differently, had they come along at separate times. They are so different in their daily needs, despite having identical upbringing.

To keep me sane, we are on a fairly strict routine, which keeps them in sync, otherwise I will end up clawing my own eyes out with stress.

So let's not make assumptions about other mums' parenting styles, eh? Us women are dreadful for that and we need to stop it.

I don't understand why it would be seen as 'fussy' or 'precious' to give someone caring for your child information about their preferences - what time they need to sleep, what they like to eat and when, how they like to be settled - especially for babies, who can't communicate those needs themselves. Surely it's more considerate both for the child and for the person looking after them to do that?

In the old days, of course, nobody would have given a shit how a baby liked to be soothed to sleep. They'd just have stuck them in a cot or pram and left them to cry. Luckily things are a bit more civilised nowadays.

Lucky you if your kid drifts off to sleep easily. I had to leave detailed instructions for getting DS to nap otherwise he'd end up a screaming mess - no fun for anyone.

A girl I knew had a routine for her 5 month old baby.

It went something like this

8.00am- feed
8.30am- bath
9.00am- tummy time
9.30am- singing time
10.00- Nap
11.30- bottle
12-1pm see below
1.30pm- tummy time and lunch
2.00pm- reading time

And on and on it went. She only went out between the hours of 12-1.pm as not to ruin the routine. It was crazy! Oh how I used to try hard not to roll my eyes. Nothing was ever spontaneous and she was pretty much housebound due to her not wanting to break the routine. I have never, ever met anyone who actually had time slots for reading, playing and singing.

I know she had a second child, I often wonder if she has a strict routine like that now.

I had nap times but if I wanted to go out they would nap in their prams etc. I had one baby who was a nightmare at sleeping so I had to have more of a routine with her.

Well said, feesh

Hear hear, feesh.

Another thing is that it can be quite lonely alone with a baby, a routine/ time table and knowing what you are doing can really help some people.