To think some modern parents make unnecessary work for themselves

[Vintageclock]

My aunt, who reared ten children and at one time had five children under four years of age (including 2 yr old twins) has just spent a day minding her first grandchild and said it was harder work than anything she had experienced before. The baby came with a list of instructions as long as your arm, a huge bag full of lotion for this and ointment for that, a rigid timetable of naps and snacks and drinks, rules about sterilising anything the child looked at, and complicated sleeping bags and play suits to be zipped in and out of.
I have seen this with a few friends as well - they can't meet you for lunch until 2.30 because the baby has to be fed at 1.28 on the dot, no one can visit between 3.00 and 4.30 because that's nap time and the baby will wake up at the slightest noise, are constantly pulling things out of their baby's hands because of 'germs' etc etc etc.

AIBU to think some mums just go over the top, obsess about every detail of rearing a child. and are turning it into an overly complicated science when previous generations managed perfectly well without half of the nonsense some modern parents go on with?

There's just setting nasty about threads like this. Just love and let be.

I am definitely one for routine and yes, my nappy bag is enormous. Love it, my babes love it, my DH love it. What's the big deal?

I have never actually met one of these mythical routine obsessed mummies maybe they avoid me because I am so disorganised

I am currently sitting in the car with 7 month old ds hoping he sleeps for another half an hour so he is charming at tge birthday party we are going to rather than Mr grumpy, maybe I need a routine!

YY Cat. I could guarantee by 7:30 every night, DC would be sound asleep after bath BF Bed routine.
Worth every I got.

With my first I was quite regimented and took everything in the worlds biggest bag. He would nap (ha! No he bloody wouldn't) at a certain time every day etc.
I'm afraid that with my third she naps whenever the hell she feels like it up to 3pm and the bag is down to a little peppa pig rucksack.
I do know an awful lot of parents who seem to combine the over regimenting with helicopter parenting. I think there is a definite link.

Oh and we have a bedtime routine, but it's not really a routine I just put hI'm to bed sometime after 6 but before 7.30. We didn't teach him that it is just the time he goes to sleep for the night.

I never had a routine of any kind with mine. They ate if they were hungry, slept if they were tired, etc. It baffled me watching other mothers rushing home at 12.14 on the dot as their baby could only sleep in their cot after having lunch at home at 12.30 exactly. Meanwhile I'd stay in the coffeeshop with my baby snoozing happily and finish my mocha calmly before strolling home at my own pace, maybe even popping into a few shops on the way.

I can understand routine if you're a routine based person naturally and it makes you happy but I haven't come across a routine parent in rl yet who seems happy and relaxed... They always seem to be clock watching anxiously and rushing about the place.

I must just have been lucky as no one ever gave me any bother if I said the twins needed to be back home as it was bedtime.

The time in between waking up and going to bed wasn't regimented but I used to cherish those 2 or 3 baby free hours before I went to bed.

Did you have to work, Summer?

I have a huge changing bag! It makes things much more relaxing as you know you are prepared.

Wrt the aunt, she must have built up a lot of expertise whereas now people have only one or two and far too much advice and information. I think the fussing is mainly an anxiety thing.

Different strokes and all that

Why is it nasty Rewind? I'm just stating an opinion I've formed from looking at some modern parents and underlining it with my Aunt's experience.
Feel free to disagree with me if you like, (several posters have done so quite calmly) but dismissing the thread as 'nasty' is a little over sensitive, I would think.

I was big into routine when I discovered it helped my two sleep through the night from about seven or eight months. They liked having a pattern to their day and it made them feel secure. We weren't inflexible though and did stay out if we were having fun.

And I don't think parents of a few generations back were that relaxed. Truby King, anyone? Four-hourly feeds?

Well, that's partly a criticism of 'routine' GF style parenting, and yes it does make it all more 'military'. I found it hard to stay in touch with parents who followed this style when DS1 was small, as they could never just 'come out for the day' or if they set out to meet us at 11am, prearranged by them as suiting their schedule, and something happened like getting stuck in traffic, they'd arrive stressed and leave after ten minutes so nap time happened on time, at home, as scheduled, etc etc.

I do also think grandparents get very selective memory.

I also think that gps looking after babies can mean they have to deal with all areas of modern living they find troublesome now. Following lists means reading small print. Working buggies or bouncer seat clips means small fiddly bits of plastic that older fingers struggle with and again, eyes don't always see clearly. Feeding or doing bottles might mean using an unfamiliar microwave - buttons, digital displays, more small print. Baby and toddler clothes always seem to involve poppers which are a nightmare for stiff fingers. Baby monitors = small fiddly buttons and instructions, and they might be 'intuitive' kit for a younger generation, but not for gps. Add all these difficulties into a very strict schedule, where having to work things is being done against the clock, in someone else's home, and what you've created is a grandparent nightmare.

There are lots of 'labour saving? things I have in the house for my dcs that are just a series of insoluble problems for my mother. Something which makes me sad is that she always wanted to take babies out in a 'sling' for a short walk. I've had baby bjorns, manduca, closer carriers - she can't cope with them at all. With me showing her, dp, looking at the booklet etc - nothing worked. She asked me once if I just had a 'bag' to put ds1 in. Hm.

Her reaction to all of that btw is to be very dismissive of all my choices and kit, with a 'we never bothered will all that in my day, why are you being so silly/such a mug.'

So it winds me up at the time, although I do try and see it from her pov!

By the way I'm not talking about parents who have a routine re bedtimes etc. I'm talking about parents who are totally inflexible and have loads of complicated rules and regs around their baby that make their own lives, never mind anyone elses, very complicated and rigid.

It might not be 'nasty' as such, but is quite an unpleasant judgy thread. And judgy of 'mothers', in particular. Leads to people sounding smug about how their 'laid back' or whatever style made a laid back, easy child. Not true. It's the child's personality. You can have two (or more) different ones and use different styles or strategies for them, because that's what they need.

My SIL had this happen to her when her DD gave birth again after 14 years and retired DB and SIL had the baby full-time at 8 months.
She told me her DD gave her a strict list of dos and don'ts and adhered to it. The baby is now 8 years-old next month and DB and SIL are alive and kicking. SIL had no help from her or my parents when her 2 were young.

yes all different but for me I had naps set in stone so bedtime routine wasn't affected.

me and dh deserved the 7 till 7 child free break and a good nights sleep.

now oldest 23 and youngest 12 and we get out to bloody bed now ha ha!

A good friend of mine was turned away at her sisters door because the baby was asleep. She had travelled 250 odd miles to meet DNephew, and ended up sat in Asda cafe for 2hrs

Mine were insufferable if they didn't get their meals or naps when they needed them. As a babysitter, what would your aunt find harder: following baby's schedule so baby is happy or trying to second guess an unfamiliar baby's signs, resulting in screaming baby?

You aunt could probably tell by their behaviour when any one of her children needed to be put down for a nap. However, when grandbaby is sucking his knuckles, how does she know whether it's a sign that grandbaby needs to be somewhere quiet so he can go to sleep or that he's getting a bit hungry without at least some hints from grandbaby's mum?

Whilst my DS can nap anywhere (buggy, car) he naps longer if he's in his cot at home. His 'new' nap schedule (one week so far) is waking up at 6am (which is great, as it used to be 5-530am!) and falling asleep in buggy on way back from swings around 1045. If I left him to nap in buggy he'd sleep for about an hour. If I get him home and into bed, he will sleep for 2-3 hours. Guess which I prefer? I can get a nap in myself, so whilst I'm not a slave to his routine, I prefer to be home for his naptime. We have all afternoon free to see friends or do stuff, and he goes to bed on time and sleeps through.

well I'm going to go against the grain here, but then what your Aunt discribed might not be as bad as she's making out. Firstly, caring for someone else's child is always harder than your own because you don't know them - you don't know their pattern. It might seem I have a clear rigid routine with DD (10 weeks old) but it's not planed, just I know she'll want another feed a certain number of hours after the last. i can't just say "4 hourly, 3 hourly" because it'll depend where abouts in the day it is. to me, this is quite straight forward, if I had to write it out, it might look very stressful, but the pattern works for us. (and fits round her older DB).

The "ointments for this, lotions for that" sounds like an older person who thinks that baby oil should be used and anything else is pandering to 'modern ways' - let's face it, my Mum might say the same about my 'beauty regime' because she just washes her face with soap, I only have cleanser, toner and moisturiser, hardly "high maintenance" by WAG standards. It could be parents being precious about what they'll put on their DCs skin, or it could be a child with sensitive skin or prescribed stuff. (I only know people who use baby body lotion and nappy cream unless there's a problem, it could be your Aunt's grandchild has skin problems if they have to use various things - or was your Aunt thinking it was 'precious' to use suntan lotion, my MIL has had to be trained that no, a bit of burn is not ok. A lot of their generation didn't take sun protection seriously).

sterilising anything that comes into contact with milk is important. Again, a lot of older generations didn't bother, but then, a lot of their babies were called "sicky" - that'll be upset tummies for you. If you are going to bottle feed, it's important to make sure it's not just "had a wash" but been sterilised. That's hardly PFB.

The comments about play suits and sleeping bags though makes me think it's just whinging, quite frankly, how is a sleeping bag or sleep suit outfit harder work than making up a whole bed with blankets and sheets or full outfits?!? Poppers and zips are vastly easier than the old fashioned buttons on DCs clothes, trust me, I've been given some 'vintage' stuff and it's a right faff. It's probably just not what she knows - but that doesn't make it more complex.

Oh, and DS is 3.5 now, he has a window of about an hour in which I need to feed him for each meal time, if I don't, his blood sugar drops and he turns into the sort of shitty child everyone thinks is badly parented. TBH, his dad is the same, if DH is hungry he's an arse of hte highest order. I tend to think people would prefer I only schedule them in for lunch/meet ups when DS won't be hideous than be 'flexible' and have a horrible child in tow. (And yes, if DH starts becoming 'hard work', I'll hand him a snack to stop him being an arse in public! )