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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some modern parents make unnecessary work for themselves

275 replies

Vintageclock · 13/08/2013 16:06

My aunt, who reared ten children and at one time had five children under four years of age (including 2 yr old twins) has just spent a day minding her first grandchild and said it was harder work than anything she had experienced before. The baby came with a list of instructions as long as your arm, a huge bag full of lotion for this and ointment for that, a rigid timetable of naps and snacks and drinks, rules about sterilising anything the child looked at, and complicated sleeping bags and play suits to be zipped in and out of.
I have seen this with a few friends as well - they can't meet you for lunch until 2.30 because the baby has to be fed at 1.28 on the dot, no one can visit between 3.00 and 4.30 because that's nap time and the baby will wake up at the slightest noise, are constantly pulling things out of their baby's hands because of 'germs' etc etc etc.

AIBU to think some mums just go over the top, obsess about every detail of rearing a child. and are turning it into an overly complicated science when previous generations managed perfectly well without half of the nonsense some modern parents go on with?

OP posts:

CreatureRetorts · 13/08/2013 20:37

I was the same Fromage - DD sleeps pretty much anywhere not at night though but we have a routine.

Routine works well for us. It means that when other people look after the DCs they know what to do and they feel settled.

dietcokeandwine · 13/08/2013 20:42

At the risk of getting a total flaming, I'd venture to suggest that it's not just the extreme 'routine queens' who are making unnecessary work for themselves. You only have to read some MN threads to see that some of the more devoted attachment parenting types aren't exactly making life easy for themselves either and sometimes seem more martyred and exhausted than relaxed and chilled out.

So I'd agree that yes, some modern parents do seem to make life unnecessarily complicated, but these parents fall at both ends of the parenting spectrum, it's not just the routiney types.

CreatureRetorts · 13/08/2013 20:44

dietcoke I'm not sure parenting is ever going to make someone feel completely relaxed

dietcokeandwine · 13/08/2013 20:46

creature no, that's true but I guess what I'm trying to say is that whilst some people on here seem to claim that they are oh-so-laid back and relaxed on no routine whatsoever, I've read plenty to suggest that others with no routine don't always feel that way!

Emilythornesbff · 13/08/2013 20:52

Some people will moan about anything.
All it would have taken would be a slightly different handover/ bag contents and easily the feedback would've been "goodness me, these modern babies/parents with no routine. Haven't you got any zinc and caster oil for its bottom? In my day....."
Some ppl just love to criticise the way others are with their kids because they fuss too much/ not enough.

fairyquitecontrary · 13/08/2013 20:54

The thing about having to get new Clarks shoes every six weeks gets me.Are people that stupid? Get a grip.What did people do 40 years ago when they didn't have a penny to rub together

fairyquitecontrary · 13/08/2013 20:57

The thing about having to get new Clarks shoes every six weeks gets me.Are people that stupid? Get a grip.What did people do 40 years ago when they didn't have a penny to rub together

Plomino · 13/08/2013 20:58

I suspect everyone has some sort of routine, even those who are adamant that they don't. There's just different degrees of it and
they just label it differently . Nobody just does what they want to , when they feel like it . I mean , I'm usually so relaxed I'm horizontal , Other than the usual debacle of getting 5 kids to 3 different schools in the morning of course . But we always eat at around 6pm , purely so that the younger DC's get to bed at reasonable hour , so they're not overtired , whiny , and frankly a pain in the bum the following day . So what ?

If doing something a particular way, makes someone's life easier and less stressful , then that has to be a good thing . I just think judging others by our own yardstick is unnecessary . After all , we're already judging ourselves . I don't need someone else to make me feel guilty .

Catsize · 13/08/2013 21:02

Agree. We have always been very flexible. DS slept when he wanted to, fed when he wanted to (every half an hour, day and night a lot of the time) and has now grown into a happy toddler who has three meals a day, no snacks and was in a single bed at 13mths. So, despite hapharzardness, has settled into a fairly conventional set of habits by chance. And he is super flexible for days out, visiting people etc. We were just quite chilled, and now he is too. Ditched the giant baby changing bag at a few weeks. This isn't meant to sound smug - we have had a hard time in other ways - but just shows that being relaxed does not necessarily result in chaos.

FacebookWanker · 13/08/2013 21:06

Each to their own I say. I had no routine whatsoever. She never napped and her feeding was at totally random intervals.

I looked after my friend's Gina Forded baby and it was an absolute dream. (the day, not referring to the baby as 'it').

I'm not a very organised person so it wouldn't work for me to be tied to a routine, but it it works for others, then why not?

If your baby is lucky enough not to need creams for this and creams for that, then great. Some babies suffer from eczema etc which can be extremely uncomfortable. I know my friend has had a terrible time with her little boy.

Bunbaker · 13/08/2013 21:07

I went with the floww with DD. I still found it hard work though.

MistressDeeCee · 13/08/2013 21:17

I agree, OP. I love my SIL to bits but having given birth to my nephew 7 months ago she's still welded to the house - so many things she cant do as he has to nap - play - eat - ON THE ABSOLUTE DOT. I get tired listening to her and I know a couple of mothers almost the same as her. Regimented to the hilt. Family parties are a nightmare of her sitting upstairs away from it all in case baby gets: too hot - nervous as so many people around - tired - hungry..& all sorts of other things. When I had my 2 I wont say it wasnt hard work - motherhood always is - but yes there are many ways of making motherhood even more exhausing for oneself; thankfully I didnt buy into all the stress a la 'HappyMummyOfOne' & my 2 havent suffered for it at all. I think the mums overloaded with humoungous baby bags and all sorts of other blah deserve a medal for physical strength alone. I wont even start about helicopter parenting..and I think Arabesque has hit it on the head re. precious parenting

Pigsmummy · 13/08/2013 21:34

I stick to a routine, my baby sleeps daily between 1pm and 3pm, then from 8pm - 7am, I am happy, baby is happy and will cry to go to bed if this changes, however friends don't buy into the lunch time sleep and keep trying to get me (therefore baby too) to go out at lunch time and get a bit shirty when I decline. If anyone else where to look after baby I would ask for this routine to be followed, I don't think it's precious if it's in the baby's best interest.

HaroldLloyd · 13/08/2013 21:37

What is it about large bloody bags that gets people's goats? I have to carry nappies for 2 my stuff food changes of clothes when I go out.

I can't fit it in a fricking hand bag.

I can't see how this didn't happen in the past, we all still ate, puked and pooed in our pants as babies, even in the fourties!

AnyoneforTurps · 13/08/2013 21:42

YANBU about precious parenting ,but I don't think having tight routine is necessarily making life more difficult for yourself - some people do find this makes life easier.

I do agree that some parents completely lack a sense of proportion and are incredibly PFB but they are not necessarily the people with a routine.

MrsOakenshield · 13/08/2013 21:43

DontmindifIdo - have you tried swaddling? DD, after an initial struggle, would sleep wonderfully when swaddled.

To the people having a pop at those with 'excessive' routines - it sounds like some of those parents are dealing with real anxiety - have you thought of just supporting and helping them, rather than judging them?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 13/08/2013 21:45

I GIna Forded my two (although they were babies long before she was around) to ensure DH and I got some time to ourselves whilst they slept 12 hours at night. I agree with those who say it is a certain type of person I(like me) who likes routine. I could not have put up with a baby feeding every half an hour and co sleeping until the age of fifteen.

Thesimplethings · 13/08/2013 21:49

I've got two dc - 16 months apart. Both needed a rough routine. I didn't force them into it, they just settled into it. Dc2 had reflux and didn't sleep at all at nighttime, so there was no way I was giving up the 2.5 joint nap after lunch. I needed the peace! Even now at 3.2 and 23 months if they don't have a nap they are overtired and wake up through the night instead of sleeping 12 hours straight.

That said... I don't let nap times interfere with family days out or important occasions. Will go with the flow then. But there has to be a good reason for me to miss my quiet time/housework time and nighttime sleep

RobotHamster · 13/08/2013 21:52

Mistress - it sounds like she's struggling a bit.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2013 22:09

To those posters who say routine was vital in order to get 12 hours sleep a night, you realise babies sleep 12hours a night regardless of whether you feed, bath, sing, story,cuddle at thee same time every night, or whether you just pop them straight off the trampoline and in to bed, don't you?

RobotHamster · 13/08/2013 22:19

Haha, I wish

FacebookWanker · 13/08/2013 22:20

dd doesn't. The bedtime routine isn't strict, but if she's over tired she will usually wake up crying for something obscure during the night

Emilythornesbff · 13/08/2013 22:22

arethereantleftatall
You do realise that what you've posted about night time routine having no effect on sleep is bollocks.
Don't you?

silverten · 13/08/2013 22:23

I had to suppress eye-rolling galore recently when one of my MILs was harrumphing about us not conceding to 3yo DD's every whim immediately. She made it pretty clear she thought we were being huge meanies in not allowing DD to do exactly what she wanted all the time, or in making her wait for an ice cream.

We simply feel that a bit of discipline is generally a good thing, and that ice cream can be earned with good behaviour, really.

Next time I think I'll be letting MIL have all her own way and see how well she copes with a whiny, overexcited child in the midst of a sugar rush.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2013 22:28

Emily -my post was true for my girls. I grant you my survey sample of 2 isn't exactly extensive.

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