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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by what this sonographer said?

456 replies

maja00 · 10/08/2013 13:09

I recently had my 12 week dating scan. I declined the nuchal translucency scan, so was just going for the standard dating/measuring.

As soon as we got into the room the sonographer confirmed that I had declined the NT scan. The scan went as expected, baby looks fine etc.

At the end of the scan the sonographer said "I know you declined the NT scan, but I had a quick look at the baby's neck and it all looks normal. I would tell you if there was an obvious abnormality there".

Now, is it just me or is this not really in the spirit of us declining that test? If the sonographer had said it looked abnormal, then we would have been in exactly the position we wanted to avoid Confused

I understand that the sonographer was trying to be helpful, but AIBU to be a little annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Iamsparklyknickers · 10/08/2013 13:43

It doesn't really matter what the pro's and con's of the test are, there's a choice available. The OP made hers and that should be respected.

Personally I would contact the head of the department and let them know my feedback. If you don't want to make a formal complaint then make it clear, but do stress that is your prerogative and had the results been different or it was someone else the consequences for the mother, baby and hospital could have been incredibly serious and their clinicians need to reflect this in their work by respecting the choice of the patients in their care regardless of their personal feelings.

Fraggle3112 · 10/08/2013 13:44

I thought this was normal procedure, we declined the test but the sonographer said pretty much the same thing to us. I assumed its because there is also a blood test so if they did think the scan looked abnormal they could tell you and you could change your mind and have the blood test too?

Original poster
maja00 · 10/08/2013 13:44

If she had told me the NT looked abnormal, what was I supposed to do with that information? That is what bothered me the most. Information I specifically didn't want, and presumably couldn't have done anything with as I could have changed my mind and said "actually I do want the bloods and scan now, put the risk in numbers for me".

OP posts:
Moxiegirl · 10/08/2013 13:45

What you going to do about the 20 week anomaly scan? Will you want to know if there's any problem?

Jollyb · 10/08/2013 13:46

I think she was definitely in the wrong to mention it when you had declined the screening test. I can understand why you are a bit annoyed by this.

I don't think you would be unreasonable to complain about this and if you were to do so, the correct route wouldn't be via your midwife - it is nothing really to do with her.

Original poster
maja00 · 10/08/2013 13:46

Yes I will Moxie.

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 10/08/2013 13:46

I mean maja there are many other abnormalities that could be picked up without the NT being measured. Did OP decline the results of all else that the Sonographer might see and just go along to have the dating done?

Original poster
maja00 · 10/08/2013 13:47

I'm not particularly irritated to be told everything looks fine, it's more that she would have told me if it looked abnormal - when I specifically did not want to know that.

I suppose I can't know if she actually would have told me that or if she was just saying it though.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 10/08/2013 13:48

Why have a scan at all if you dont want to know of any probems?

The sonographers job is to check for abnormalities and inform the parents thusly. She did that. YABU.

bumblebeaver · 10/08/2013 13:49

We had exactly the same thing. We declined the nuchal scan, or least made clear we didn't want the results. The sonographer seemed surprised and told us it was only information. The reason we didn't want that information was that, if there was anything wrong, I wanted to find out when I had a baby in my arms, not spend 9 months preparing for something you can't really prepare for. I was an older mother and knew this would be my only pregnancy.

At the end of the scan the sonographer told me the nuchal was good so nothing to worry about. DP said afterwards, I can't believe she said that when we told her not to. But I was hugely relieved and happy.

I suppose everyone assumes you will want good news.

Roshbegosh · 10/08/2013 13:49

Ok , didn't realise you were OP maja. So you want to know everything except the Down's risk. Fine. In that case it was reasonable of her to tell you that everything looked ok.

Rosa · 10/08/2013 13:49

So if the sonographer had seen a defect/ malformation in your child would you not want to be informed?
I think you are being a bit OTT IMO.

ForgetfulNameChanger · 10/08/2013 13:50

Well, I don't care if it makes me nasty, I would have complained. I declined that test too and if the sonographer had told me either way, she would have basically been ignoring my right to decline. I think you should take it further so someone at least reminds her that declining means she doesn't do that part of the scan. She might get in trouble but then she should be following whatever rules there are in place for this.

Original poster
maja00 · 10/08/2013 13:50

I'm happy to know about problems, but I did not wish to be given a risk of something if I could only confirm it with further invasive tests that carry a risk of miscarriage. I wouldn't want to have those tests, so being given a risk of 1:whatever would not benefit me.

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 10/08/2013 13:51

Cross-posting here. I think she meant she would have told you if anything looked abnormal, besides the NT. This could just be a misunderstanding about what he 12 week scan is for.

Original poster
maja00 · 10/08/2013 13:53

She told me specifically in reference to the NT that she would have told me if it looked abnormal. This is what I object to.

To be honest as I had declined the test I don't think she should have mentioned it at all.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 10/08/2013 13:53

What kind of cruel bitch would tell an expectant mother that her baby looked fine and there was no abnormality? She needs to be fired and then they should bring back hanging just for her, the bloody sadist.

Roshbegosh · 10/08/2013 13:54

forgetful she didn't do it. The OP has not said that the NT was measured.

Catnap26 · 10/08/2013 13:54

Exactly the point maja,I believe she should not have said anything at all.

ForgetfulNameChanger · 10/08/2013 13:56

rosh, OP has specifically said that "She told me specifically in reference to the NT that she would have told me if it looked abnormal."

Elsiequadrille · 10/08/2013 13:57

I think you're being very OTT indeed, especially if you complain.

Unreasonable? I'll say!

Jollyb · 10/08/2013 13:59

Gruntfuttock - NT is a screening test. It is not telling you whether there is anything wrong with the baby or not. The OP has already said that she would be happy to be told if there were any definite abnormalities.

mamamidwife · 10/08/2013 14:00

The sonographer would know by briefly looking if the Nuchal was abnormal or not and was just doing her job, however, she could have explained or chosen her phrasing more appropriately.
although the purpose of the dating scan is to date, abnormalities are sometimes picked up at this scan and it is the sonographers obligation to assess overall well being of the baby even though it is not the 'anomaly' scan. She would not be performing her duties correctly if she did not do these things, if a problem is found she must act on it.
I am assuming that declining the Nuchal scan you won't be having the blood test and also you had the dating scan earlier than a Nuchal scan, so it her comment is not a proper assessment.
But if you are unhappy with her comments I would bring it up with the ultrasound department, maybe speak to the manager? Poor communication is never good and should be sorted out.

Original poster
maja00 · 10/08/2013 14:02

mamamidwife - do you feel it would have been ok for her to say if the nuchal look abnormal? This scan was at the same time as the NT.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 10/08/2013 14:05

Yabu she was being helpful. She did not make you take the test. Wouldn't you want to know if something was wrong?