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AIBU?

To be irritated by what this sonographer said?

456 replies

maja00 · 10/08/2013 13:09

I recently had my 12 week dating scan. I declined the nuchal translucency scan, so was just going for the standard dating/measuring.

As soon as we got into the room the sonographer confirmed that I had declined the NT scan. The scan went as expected, baby looks fine etc.

At the end of the scan the sonographer said "I know you declined the NT scan, but I had a quick look at the baby's neck and it all looks normal. I would tell you if there was an obvious abnormality there".

Now, is it just me or is this not really in the spirit of us declining that test? If the sonographer had said it looked abnormal, then we would have been in exactly the position we wanted to avoid

I understand that the sonographer was trying to be helpful, but AIBU to be a little annoyed by this?

OP posts:

Report

Vittoriosa · 22/07/2016 20:49

YABU - this was clearly well intentioned

DimpleHands · 22/07/2016 21:03

How about... you stop being bothered by this and instead simply feel happy and grateful that you are pregnant with what looks to be a healthy baby?

bollocksybollocks · 22/07/2016 22:07

I also decided not to have this test for the reasons you described and if I was you I would have been very irritated as well intentioned as it may have been but I also don't think it is worth taking it any further.

aAz0 · 04/04/2017 21:37

Actually if we see a thickened nuchal or any other abnormality with the baby we have to tell you. I know its not fair when you've declined the screening test but its so that you can be prepared for the possibility of the baby having a major abnormality

MagentaRocks · 04/04/2017 21:45

I don't suppose it matters to the op as the thread is 4 years old

saracrewe2 · 04/04/2017 21:48

I was going to say.that I think they are obligated to give you "bad" news. My (elderly) aunt was admitted to hospital after a period of not being well. She felt she was dying and requested to not be told results of tests. Doctor appeared at her bedside, announced "I am aware you hhave requested not to find out results, but I have to inform you that you have stage 4 liver cancer".

MusicToMyEars800 · 04/04/2017 22:10

I had a right old hag of a sonographer, I made a complaint about her the following day ( didn't do it on the day due to sleep deprivation and feeling sick as a dog ) when we got into the room she wasn't very pleasant, she asked if we wanted to know the sex and we said yes, her reply was " oh everyone wants to know these days, it's stupid really " ( said in a nasty tone ) went on to get me jumping up and down cause my dd was in an awkward position, finally got an image and said " it's not the most beautiful baby is it!" an then demanded we give her the money to pay for the scan pictures ( they weren't even that clear or very good tbh ) I think I was just in a state of tiredness and shock when I left, but the next day I realised how awful it all was so complained, I never found out what happened to her.

MusicToMyEars800 · 04/04/2017 22:11

Magenta thanks for pointing that out I really must remember to check the dates of threads

Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2017 22:22

YADBU she may have thought you were too scared to see and felt that being it was ok she would put your mind at rest. Normal nice ppl don't think like this

Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2017 22:22

Magenta thank you sweetie what a too doo over nothing lol

TurquoiseDress · 04/04/2017 22:29

Trying to play devil's advocate here.

I've not read the all the thread- 18 pages?!

Surely, if the sonographer had seen an obvious/serious abnormality, they would really have been obliged to tell you or discuss it with you?

It puts them in a tricky situation, and I think they were just trying to be reassuring for you, that things were indeed normal- which is amazing.

Things do not always turn out so well in pregnancy scans, maybe the sonographer was simply keen to pass on the good news/reassure.

By all means complain/escalate, but I would personally just be grateful that all is well with your pregnancy.

If you really do not wish to be put in a position like this again in future, an option would be to decline all screening/investigations.

Wolfiefan · 04/04/2017 22:31

Zombie thread. 2013.

TurquoiseDress · 04/04/2017 22:35

the OP would have a 3 year old by now!

SoEverybodyDance · 04/04/2017 22:43

Be kind to the monographer, if you can, Maja... I know she didn't do what you wanted, but since it's not going to change your mind either way, getting her disciplined seems unfair. They have difficult jobs enough already. Having had eight miscarriages, I remember how terrible it was for both of us when the sonographer had to tell me my baby's heart had stopped beating. In those scans I wanted them to tell me everything they could - literally everything - so I could hold onto a little hope...

Barbie222 · 04/04/2017 22:45

Thank goodness I didn't read this thread when it was posted, just after my second missed miscarriage, which was handled very kindly and professionally - again - by the sonographer at the 12 week scan. OP I'm sure that her conversation with you won't have been the one that stuck in her head from her work that day. Hopefully life has calmed you down a bit and given you some perspective since.

hoddtastic · 04/04/2017 23:15

don't have your 20 week scan.

Slarti · 05/04/2017 06:26

It would be a 200 week scan at this point hod

Trifleorbust · 05/04/2017 06:28

YANBU. You have the right to decline any medical testing.

Trifleorbust · 05/04/2017 06:29

Zombie agh.

Sweetheartyparty76 · 05/04/2017 06:53

I was so incensed by this thread that I had to respond even though it's zombie.
The trisomy screening is a risk factor based on a bloods and nuchal measurement. The sonographer commenting on the NT doesn't mean that you had the test, she was just giving you reassurance.
My first baby's NT was 6mm. The sonographer said she would refer me to the FMU regardless of whether I declined the test (i didnt). My baby had a lethal skeletal dysplasia and would have died in horrible circumstances if I continued with the pregnancy. Surely it's better things like this are picked up either to have a TFMR or to make the baby as comfortable as possible once born. Please be thankful that you have a seemingly healthy baby x

Trifleorbust · 05/04/2017 07:55

Sweetheartyparty76:

Again, although it's a zombie, I think you are totally and absolutely wrong. HCPs have no right to give you the results of unwanted testing - the OP asked for no NT test, so no comment should have been made. That doesn't mean the OP wasn't grateful to have a healthy baby; it means she made a medical choice that should have been respected.

Screwinthetuna · 05/04/2017 08:02

YABU...why would you want to get someone in trouble for saying your baby is healthy?? You sound dissapointed that your child doesn't potentially have Downs Syndrome. Most parents would be happy their child was healthy, not turning it into a negative. Stop focusing on that and think of the poor parents who got bad news at their 12 week scan. You are looking for problems, move on

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Screwinthetuna · 05/04/2017 08:03

Whoops, zombie thread and can't delete

Slarti · 05/04/2017 08:25

Which is a shame because it was a pretty nasty post.

allegretto · 05/04/2017 08:28

What's the point in having a scan if you don't want to know how the baby is?

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