Spikey, sweetheart, when someone has a knife to your throat, there is no 'letting' about the scenario. If it gives you even the tiniest crumb of comfort, please know that it is well documented that the body's natural defence mechanism to threat is to shut down and become a blank canvas for what is being done to it when it is clear that there is no escape. This is because it is also very well-documented that the more you struggle, fight, protest, etc., when being raped, the more the rapist will escalate his violence, range of horrible acts, or even escalate to killing his victim. The most expert advice on how to minimise what is done to you in a sexual assault is to not fight (which goes against what society might tell us all, but it is fact). Often, a woman's vagina will lubricate during a rape purely because it is her body trying to minimise her suffering, despite her obviously not feeling one tiny shred of pleasure or consent.
It would not have been better if you had died. Not for you, not for your family and friends, not for anyone. It would have been better if some vile pig hadn't raped you, that's what's what.
One of the scariest aspects of rape or the thought of rape is having no power or control over what happens to your body. It's this fear thatmakes rape apologists find ridiculous ways in which to blame actual or potential victims, in order to alleviate their own discomfort around the topic. And it's what makes victims tell themselves that there was something they could have done, something they should have done, or that they did something wrong. Makes them analyse every part of their behaviour before, during and after. Makes them talk about 'letting' him. It is easier to blame yourself than to face up to the enormity of such obscene and unfair powerlessness.
The stark truth is, women get raped (and men too,yes) because men decide to rape and don't stop when they are raping, no matter what the victim says or does, or doesn't say or do.
There are several things that let rapists rape: a misogynist society, rape apologism and rape myths being constantly perpetuated and these creating a framework for some men to exercise their own feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness and inner troubles through violating others. But not what women do, say, where, go, etc. Never any of those.