Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ban him from my home

226 replies

fredas · 09/08/2013 09:11

I've name changed because I know some people on here in real life.

My 19 year old brother has been staying with me, these last few days and we were having a really good time until this morning. I was running a bit late and so I hadn?t got DPs breakfast ready for when he had got out of the shower. So when he came down how asked where his breakfast was, my brother seemed to flip and said why don?t you get yourself you lazy prick, what do you think she is your personal maid.

He then began berating him because I?m currently unemployed so if we need anything I ask DP for the money so I can go and buy it (money is tight) before ranting about how DP is going golfing in Portugal next week because we are not having a holiday together this year.

I'm really shocked at the way he spoke to him. He was being so accusatory and you could hear the hostility in his voice, so I have asked him to leave (he was due to go on Sunday). DP has gone to work but he made no attempt to apoligise to him or me and just insisted that something needed to be said. I really feel like banning him from ever coming back for being so rude, disrespectful and abusive to DP.

OP posts:
DoJo · 09/08/2013 21:11

When OH and I both had proper jobs, we had a morning routine which involved me making his breakfast and (clutch your pearls now!) taking it up to him in bed every morning. If I had woken him up without breakfast he would probably have said 'where's my breakfast' because it was part of our routine and it would have meant something odd had happened for me not to have made it. He's not an entitled, abusive arse who expects me to be his maid because he is the main wage earner, he was the one who needed to leave later than me so it made sense for me to get up first and make his breakfast whilst I made my own.
If the OP normally makes her husband's breakfast, then it's hardly indicative of an ill-balanced relationship for him to 'expect' her to make it unless she has said she won't be able to for whatever reason (including not wanting to, should she feel that way). I think that the brother sounds at best misguided and overprotective and at worst a condescending dick who likes throwing his weight around and getting his own way. I don't understand why the OP's husband is getting such a rough ride.

notanyanymore · 09/08/2013 22:37

Not expected, offered. And if someone offers to do something for you that has to be done in a timely fashion then it can be frustrating when its not done so, or you would just do it yourself.

If one person stays at home and the other person works, then the person staying at home should do more work at home. Simple.

You are all making huge assumptions on the tone of voice of DP which is not indicated in the original post.

I think most of the people jumping on the DP here are simply being sexist and assuming wrong on the part of the working male.

Nombrechanger · 09/08/2013 23:20

Is this an unreasonables reversales??

pigletmania · 10/08/2013 00:11

Omg op the overreactions of some on here are astounding! Each persons relationships work differently, if op wants to make her dp breakfast it's up,to her, I don't think he's holding a gun to her head and making her! I am quite sure that if op did not Mae him breakfast he would doit himself!

Te golf holiday was booked before and money would be lost if he cancelled so of course op dp is going to go,rather tan loose money geese. Yes op brother was rude, if he had any concerns he should has talked to hs sister in private!

pigletmania · 10/08/2013 00:14

Just because thecrelationship assumes traditional roles does not make it wrong just because you disagree with it!

pigletmania · 10/08/2013 00:16

Most on here are making big sweeping assumptions on how op,dp is like based on a few things. The main thingies that op is happy with her dp, if sheis therest is nobodies business

NandH · 10/08/2013 06:34

Why was my last reply removed? There was nothing wrong with it! ... All I said, and I'll say it again(like many others have!!!)

Is that this whole thing still doesn't sit right with me!

Justforlaughs · 10/08/2013 06:47

YABU to want to ban your brother, if you feel that he is in the wrong then you need to sit down and disabuse him of his concerns. I have watched someone close to me, imo, get pushed around by a partner, but at the moment I am wary of speaking out as she is happy and I only see a very small snapshot of their lives. I am keeping an eye on the situation and reserving judgment for the time being. But I am 42 and I hope that if I feel it is necessary that I will speak out for her as forcefully, if more politely, than your 19 yo DB did for you. It sounds like you are lucky to have someone to watch your back like that.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake · 10/08/2013 07:03

Neither Nan.

pigletmania · 10/08/2013 07:44

Just for laughs there is no evidence of op getting pushed around, lots of assumptions on here. She seems happy making his breakfast tan it's up to her. Feminism has given us a choice in our lives, it does not control what we do. Just because a relationship assumes traditional roles does not make it wrong, just because you disagree with it.

Op brother sounds lovely but I think op should sit down properly with him. Mabey he is seeing more than op is letting on, his outburst mabey confirms this, mabey it's more than op just making him breakfast and getting his slippers.

ExasperatedSigh · 10/08/2013 08:44

Just talk to each other fgs.

TokenGirl1 · 10/08/2013 09:05

I think your DB sounds lovely and really cares about you. I think your reaction tells me that you are blind to your partner not treating you with the respect you deserve.

shockers · 10/08/2013 09:12

Can you talk to your brother and ask what got him to the point of being so frustrated with your DP? It sounds like it has built up over his visit. Maybe you need to explain that this system works for you at present, but that you value his concern for your wellbeing.

I wouldn't throw him out though, he has acted out of concern, can you see it from his point of view at all?

larrygrylls · 10/08/2013 09:22

Let's have a hypothetical.

Married couple, man made redundant. Hard working wife pays all the bills and gives him money any time he asks. The husband's sister comes to stay and swears aggressively at her sil merely because she asks for breakfast when she is late for work and it is part of couple's routine for him to make her breakfast.

I can just imagine the cries of cocklodger and self entitled twist.. "He thinks making his wife breakfast entitles him to sponge off her and he can't even get that right". And then he invites his relative to stay when money is tight and his wife is working all hours to keep them. And then she is abusive to boot! She should Kick the cocklodger out.

This site is so sexist.

LooplaLoopy · 10/08/2013 09:59

Bullshit larry.

pigletmania · 10/08/2013 10:02

I agree loopa, but mabey op is not telling the full story

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 10/08/2013 10:06

Larry, while I agree things can be pretty sexist on here sometimes ( I especially hate the way a woman is told to leave if she is unhappy but if a man leave he is 'abandoning' his family) but I don't agree in this instance

If the roles were reversed of course the woman shouldn't demand her breakfast if it's not there or make her DP have to ask for money for essentials

My DH is my carer, he makes all my meals but I would never ever treat him like the op's DH is treating her

pigletmania · 10/08/2013 10:17

Meant larry if the boot was on the other foot, there would be outcry of leave the bastard

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/08/2013 10:23

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour
"I would never ever treat him like the op's DH is treating her"

How exactly is he treating her?

pigletmania
"but mabey op is not telling the full story"

Maybe the OP has told the full story and posters are making shit up.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 10/08/2013 10:28

Well I would never say 'where's my breakfast?' Even though I'm physically incapable of getting it myself, I'd ask nicely if he could please make me some because despite him being happy to look after me he is not my scivvy and being polite is the least I'd expect. I'd also not going in holiday by myself if money was so tight he had to ask me for money for basics

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/08/2013 10:38

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour

The holiday has been explained 3(?) times know.

If the whole argument is based around one phrased then we need to know how it was said, did the op say "breakfast will be ready when you get out of the shower"

So far on the basis of one phrase the OP's DP has been called a twunt, cocklodger and posters have alluded to him being abusive.

notanyanymore · 10/08/2013 10:44

I would just like to point out that my previous posts were by DP (shouldn't have left this page open!)

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 10/08/2013 10:51

The holiday was obviously planned when things were ok, but when things change then you just have it suck it up- better to lose a deposit than go when you can't afford it. She has to ask her DP for money for necessities I don't think that's ok especially if he is off on a jolly

Yes it's only one phrase but it just doesn't sound ok (to me) how we talk to people says so much and if she makes him breakfast he should be grateful rather than expecting it. Where's my breakfast gets a massive Hmm from me and if my children said it I'd be telling them to get it themselves and not to be so rude

That said though I do agree that there is no way anyone can call him abusive or any of the other names on so little information

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/08/2013 10:59

e thing is the op has never posted what her DP said, just that he "asked where his breakfast was"

We do not know the phrasing, the tone anything.

Again for the holiday it maybe non-refundable, or if its with mates they are refusing to return his money. Either way the OP has no problems with it.

JaceyBee · 10/08/2013 12:06

DP's come and go but your brother will be in your life forever. Make peace with him and really listen to what he was to say.

Swipe left for the next trending thread