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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ban him from my home

226 replies

fredas · 09/08/2013 09:11

I've name changed because I know some people on here in real life.

My 19 year old brother has been staying with me, these last few days and we were having a really good time until this morning. I was running a bit late and so I hadn?t got DPs breakfast ready for when he had got out of the shower. So when he came down how asked where his breakfast was, my brother seemed to flip and said why don?t you get yourself you lazy prick, what do you think she is your personal maid.

He then began berating him because I?m currently unemployed so if we need anything I ask DP for the money so I can go and buy it (money is tight) before ranting about how DP is going golfing in Portugal next week because we are not having a holiday together this year.

I'm really shocked at the way he spoke to him. He was being so accusatory and you could hear the hostility in his voice, so I have asked him to leave (he was due to go on Sunday). DP has gone to work but he made no attempt to apoligise to him or me and just insisted that something needed to be said. I really feel like banning him from ever coming back for being so rude, disrespectful and abusive to DP.

OP posts:
Tuppenceinred · 09/08/2013 09:22

I might get breakfast for my DH as I'm normally up and about before him. The difference is that if he came down and it wasn't there because I obviously hadn't started, he wouldn't ask where it was, he'd just get on with making it himself. He'd probably stick some toast in for me as well. I mean "Where's my breakfast?" in pretty any sort of tone is off isn't it? The answer is obvious - use your eyes - it isn't there so you need to make it.
And, as others have said, money isn't tight if your DP is off golfing in Portugal. He's just keeping your access to money tight. Aren't you supposed to be partners in life?

TheOnlyPink · 09/08/2013 09:23

Is this a reverse AIBU?

if not, your brother was being considerate and defending you against a very clearly disrespectful arse of a dp.
Did you only say something because your dp asked you to?

burberryqueen · 09/08/2013 09:23

I wish I had a brother like yours - only children can say 'where's my breakfast?' and even then only up to a certain age.
who is being 'disrespectful and abusive' here? I will give u a clue it is not your brother.

LooplaLoopy · 09/08/2013 09:23

Is this for real?

As everyone else says, it sounds like your brother was protecting you from a cocklodger. Good on him.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 09/08/2013 09:23

SO, OP, you get his breakfast so he doesn't have to get up so early?

What does HE do for YOU?

ourlittlestreet · 09/08/2013 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

overmydeadbody · 09/08/2013 09:23

There is nothing wrong with you making him breakfast to help him out.

There is something very wrong about him demanding it when it is not there. The selfish prick.

He sounds horrible. Why is he going on a golfing holiday if money is tight?

ClassyAsALannister · 09/08/2013 09:23

Whose idea was it? Is he often that entitled sounding?

And WHY is he going away, alone if you're that skint?

Are you financially dependant on him (i.e no seperate bank accounts).

I would not be happy about a sibling being in so financially vulnerable, especially if their dp was going on holiday but they had to ask for money and were 'skint'. Sorry.

dexter73 · 09/08/2013 09:24

How long does it take to make breakfast? 5 minutes? Please don't say you do him a cooked breakfast or I will feel like I have slid through a wormhole into the 1950's!

LindyHemming · 09/08/2013 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morgause · 09/08/2013 09:24

Throw out the partner and keep the brother. He sounds lovely.

Cherriesarelovely · 09/08/2013 09:24

You are lucky to have such a loyal brother. Ok, it was a bit ott but he clearly felt very strongly about the way you are being treated. Poor bloke. It sounds like a very unfair situation....struggling with money so you have to ask for it but he is going on holiday to Portugal....sorry, up to you obviously but your DH sounds like he is treating you like a skivvy.

overmydeadbody · 09/08/2013 09:24

What do you make him for breakfast?

Original poster
fredas · 09/08/2013 09:24

He's going to Portugal because it was booked before I was made redundant and so we were planning to go away together in addition.

OP posts:
JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 09/08/2013 09:25

Oh, and if you have asked him to leave early, please tell your brother he is very welcome to come and stay at mine where I will very happily and by my own choice make him breakfast to say "well done" for being so caring about his sister.

ClassyAsALannister · 09/08/2013 09:26

Would it be a big issue if you didn't cook it? (He sounded pissed off that it wasn't ready for him upon arrival at his throne table to be honest).

And what does he do for you? He's having an expensive break. What do you get?

thegreylady · 09/08/2013 09:26

Your brother is a star. It must have taken courage to say all that at 19. Let him stay till Sunday and be glad he is watching your back. He is saying what he sees because he loves you.

ClassyAsALannister · 09/08/2013 09:26

So he's leaving you at home & going anyway? Shock

DialsMavis · 09/08/2013 09:27

Your bro sounds fab!
I wasn't working earlier this year and things were very, very tight (not being able to buy food/pay bills/ put petrol in car tight, not only a golfing holiday in portugal for one of us tight) and DP would never treat me like this.

Our £ is our money and it would be split at beginning of the month
If one of us is up when the other is getting ready for work and we can see the other one rushing around then we would make them breakfast to be kind. But the recipient would never expect it to be done, or ask where it was or expect the other to get up especially to make it.

MorrisZapp · 09/08/2013 09:27

Lots of replies op, have you read them? Do you agree?

wheredidiputit · 09/08/2013 09:27

So because you were made redundant you can't have a holiday.

I'm thinking you need to ask your partner left and your brother stayed.

peppapigsmummy · 09/08/2013 09:28

fredas I am shocked you treated your brother so poorly after he stood up to your DH for treating you like a maid. shame on you.

Clearly he sees flaws in relationship you are too in denial to see yourself and felt he couldn't go on watching it. You do has you wrapped around his little finger. He sounds selfish and is taking the piss. Tell him to get his own breakfast !

runningforthebusinheels · 09/08/2013 09:28

I want to give your brother a big hug - sticking up for his sis like that. I agree with him, something needed to be said. Whether you're employed or not, your dp shouldn't be treating you like a skivvy - your brother obviously feels that he does.

YABU.

DorothyMantooth · 09/08/2013 09:28

I am wondering if this is a reversy percy.

Pixieonthemoor · 09/08/2013 09:29

So you are not having a family holiday and yet your dp is going on a solo golfing holiday to Portugal despite money being "tight" Oookaaaaaay.......Hmm

Frankly the only person who is owed an apology is your brother. (And you, from your selfish dp, but I suspect it'll be a cold day in hell before that happens). I suspect you have suffered from a form of mission creep - making breakfast etc for your dp once seemed like a really lovely and appreciated thing to do, but it has now become expected and your dp has become increasingly entitled. Your brother really does have a point - you need to step back and see it.