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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask my dh to stop making us look like we're trashy

251 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 08/08/2013 21:04

Just moved to a very quiet village in a street with rows of cottages. All you can hear is sheep in the distance, maybe the odd church bell.
I'm quite a quiet person anyway and although my two young children can be noisy, they're in bed by 8.
My dh on the other hand, likes to play his music in the garage while he's
'Sorting it out' with main garage door open in to the street. It's not really really loud but its louder than I feel comfortable with! I've told him before about this and its caused stupid arguments. He can't see what my problem is. I don't like the way as soon as we move in, I feel everyone else's peace and quiet is possibly being ruined by this. I just don't get why the garage door has to be open, making it easier for everyone to hear
The music and see what he's up to in there and people can see all our stuff! (Just moved so a lot of our belongings are in there)
He's also taken to sitting on the wall outside our house with a pint. This embarrasses me. Why?

OP posts:
SupermansBigRedPants · 08/08/2013 23:27

'Get real?' The only noisy neighbours I've had have been insufferable rude anti social twats with attitudes not unlike the one coming across from yourself - I'll do what I like and screw everyone else - luckily as I mentioned before its only been twice out of a few moves but still unfair to drop your choices and tastes on other people when you should reasonably know it's out of order.

If I've made it to my mid twenties and clicked onto it I'd think something was remiss in myself to not realise if I were you.

dreamingbohemian · 08/08/2013 23:31

Oh please, we do NOT live in a society of free will. We live in a society with 10 gazillion laws expressly designed to rein in free will.

musicismylife · 08/08/2013 23:31

Littlewhitebag, erm, was tongue-in-cheek
Smile

mystaplerisevil · 08/08/2013 23:34

where on earth do you all live? it sounds very uptight

littlewhitebag · 08/08/2013 23:35

Oh ok. I am a bit weary. My tongue in cheek radar failed me for a moment! Sorry.

Sparklysilversequins · 08/08/2013 23:36

Are you drunk stapler?

mystaplerisevil · 08/08/2013 23:37

your dp would rather die than listen to ac/dc? lololo

where does mn get its audience these days Grin

mystaplerisevil · 08/08/2013 23:38

sparkly did you mean to sound so rude??

Sparklysilversequins · 08/08/2013 23:40

Confused Well are you?

littlewhitebag · 08/08/2013 23:45

That's not what I said. My DH loves AC/DC. But he would be mortified if he felt he was inflicting his music choices on others. Thankfully we live rurally and can play our music very loud without bothering anyone else.

WandaDoff · 08/08/2013 23:50

I wish our neighbours would play loud Pink Floyd Envy

It's all Cliff Richard & Daniel O Fucking Donnell round here.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 09/08/2013 00:18

It is rather inconsiderate and selfish to play music so loudly that it impinges on other peoples lives.

I love Pink Floyd and Tom Waites.

Therefore, if you were my new neighbours, I would mooch along, with a glass of wine, and sit on his wall with him.

My guess is he thinks he's enlightening everyone.
I wouldn't necessarily agree with that but I would probably like him.

Arisbottle · 09/08/2013 00:20

Only on MN is sitting on a wall seen as trashy. This place is bonkers.Grin

Beerocl0ck · 09/08/2013 00:23

I sometimes sit on the wall with a cup of tea when the younger one is mastering a new piece of equipment. stilts, pogo stick, skates,,,,, trashy! I'll watch from the turret in the west wing with a good pair of theatre glasses

Lanceolate · 09/08/2013 00:26

Is this for real? How can someone sitting on a wall in front of their house drinking a pint with music blaring out not look trashy?

littlewhitebag · 09/08/2013 00:37

Sitting on a wall is not trashy.

Sitting on a wall over the road from your house drinking beer with music blaring from your garage. Most definitely trashy.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 09/08/2013 00:46

I think it might actually be about attitude Lance

I think "trashy" is a pretty shit word to use to describe anyone really.

It depends on the way they sit, the music, and how many pints they've had.

Arisbottle · 09/08/2013 00:50

I thought the sitting on the wall with a pint was separate from the music.

I can imagine that I would sit on the wall with a pint, I am trash by a MN definition though .

Arisbottle · 09/08/2013 00:51

Is it the pint or the sitting on the walk that is the problem ?

Beastofburden · 09/08/2013 01:59

You have moved somewhere where quiet is the point. It's not the inner city, it is a village. All this stuff about how people should get over themselves and embrace the noise of life....not if they have made the decision to move to a small sleepy village.

I have a feeling that the OP and her DH have moved somewhere that will be a strain on them. Why did you two choose somewhere so quiet if you knew that DH loved to make a lot of noise? Did you like it for other reasons? What might they be? What does DH like about the community he has joined?

If DH wants this to work, he might see the point of headphones etc. if he thinks that his music is lovely and who could possibly object, and he only moved to the village to please the OP, you may have a bigger problem.

I think that it would be worth making an effort to get to know neighbours as quickly as possible and hope that they really like you and DH and he likes them.

The beer thing, don't be daft, I grew up in rural devon and my sister still lives there. All locals drink on the street if they feel like it, only incomers worry about things like that :)

WhiteandGreen · 09/08/2013 02:38

Thing is, it will be really stressful for your neighbours to have to complain to you about your noise. They dont know you and will see signs of trashiness and fear that your DH may be the type to become violent if they say something. He is, after all, the type who drinks in the street.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 09/08/2013 02:44

It's possible but he's very friendly and went over and introduced himself when we moved in and he knows a lot of people in the village, everyone says hi to him. He definitely doesn't look threatening either.
I wonder if there's a bit of truth in him marking his territory. He's done this before though in other properties. I think he genuinely thinks its normal!

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 09/08/2013 03:06

Some people have a great need to be both seen and heard. It seems your DH is one of them, hence having a pint outside and not shutting garage door. He is within his right to play music, tho..but I dont blame you for how you feel, Id be cringing. I wouldnt want DH (or anyone else!) to be boozing outside our house, or entertaining the street with music when nobody's asked him to! Its blatant attention seeking. Maybe talk to him about just these 2 things specifically and see how that goes. Good luck with getting thru to him before a neighbour wanders over

lottiegarbanzo · 09/08/2013 05:11

Does everyone else play music in the street throughout the evening? That would be the clue as to whether this is normal, socially acceptable behaviour where you live.

Your DP's talk about his rights tells us he doesn't care about the effect he has on others and doesn't want to make friends. Were you planning to stay long?

lottiegarbanzo · 09/08/2013 05:21

Oh, missed a page, he does want to make friends it seems. Does he over share in other ways? Is he someone who doesn't see a difference between thinking something and telling everyone about it? Or is it just with music hat he feels a need to tell people all about himself (and that they are wrong if they don't agree with him)?

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