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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask my dh to stop making us look like we're trashy

251 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 08/08/2013 21:04

Just moved to a very quiet village in a street with rows of cottages. All you can hear is sheep in the distance, maybe the odd church bell.
I'm quite a quiet person anyway and although my two young children can be noisy, they're in bed by 8.
My dh on the other hand, likes to play his music in the garage while he's
'Sorting it out' with main garage door open in to the street. It's not really really loud but its louder than I feel comfortable with! I've told him before about this and its caused stupid arguments. He can't see what my problem is. I don't like the way as soon as we move in, I feel everyone else's peace and quiet is possibly being ruined by this. I just don't get why the garage door has to be open, making it easier for everyone to hear
The music and see what he's up to in there and people can see all our stuff! (Just moved so a lot of our belongings are in there)
He's also taken to sitting on the wall outside our house with a pint. This embarrasses me. Why?

OP posts:
Ilovemyself · 09/08/2013 05:35

Simple answer is for him to say to the neighbours that if his music is too loud let him know and he will turn it down.

And yes, it is a snobby way of looking at things when you talk about the beer drinking.

And PMSL about the comment about the neighbours being over 50. Brian Johnson from ACDC is over 60 and the members of Pink Floyd ate all now pensioners...........

ilovesooty · 09/08/2013 05:43

Have you introduced yourself and gone out of your way to meet the neighbours Doubtfuldaphne?

Wuxiapian · 09/08/2013 07:27

YANBU.

I would be embarrassed, too, disturbing the calm and tranquility like that!

livinginwonderland · 09/08/2013 07:32

He actually sounds really nice. He's gone out of his way to introduce himself to people and he talks to people when he sees them in the street. Only in the land of MN is sitting outside on a wall trashy Hmm - if your DH was sitting at a naice wooden table drinking wine, nobody would bat an eyelid.

The only issue I might see with his behaviour is the music, but all he needs to do is go over and make sure he's not bothering anyone. If he's on good terms with the neighbours (and it sounds like he is), I'm sure they'd say something if it bothered them.

Thisisaeuphemism · 09/08/2013 07:37

The op says its a quiet village, all you can hear are sheep and the occassional church bells - and now some middle aged cretin who wants to make some kind of musical statement. He sounds like a twat.

kungfupannda · 09/08/2013 07:40

It sounds like he's doing this on purpose. If it was just the music, it might just be a blindspot on his part, but playing loud music with the garage door open, and then going to sit across the road, drinking beer, sounds like he's trying to make himself look to the neighbours like "not their sort of people."

Chances are the neighbours aren't happy, but either don't want to start complaining the second you move in, or are nervous because of the image he's creating for himself.

The music would be a massive issue for me. I'd be treating him like a child and removing the plug from his stereo if he carried on being that inconsiderate about it.

livinginwonderland · 09/08/2013 07:44

Well, if she's that bothered about affecting the neighbours, she can always go around and apologise and make sure it's not bothering them.

Imabadmum · 09/08/2013 07:48

Yep that would annoy me too. But it depends on the type and volume of the music i think. Have you asked your neighbours if it bothers them? Might be worth a try?

The pint on the garden wall would, i think, annoy me but again it depends on his demeanour when he does it. If he is chatty and cheerful to anyone he sees fine. If he snarls at passsers by and flicks fag butts at them then its probably not doing much for your social relations.

Thisisaeuphemism · 09/08/2013 07:54

Or he could just shut the garage door? Then they would know for sure it's not bothering anyone.

Roshbegosh · 09/08/2013 07:56

Sitting on a wall having a beer is fine if it is one beer, not if he sits there pissed, leering and commenting to people that want to mind their business, and it also depends on what he is wearing. Does he have his gut out or wear a singlet vest or sit in his underpants? He should close the garage doors to spare people the eyesore when he isn't working in there and the music is incredibly selfish and he should not impose it on neighbours. I understand your concerns about looking trashy when you move to somewhere nice and just want to get on with and fit in with your neighbours not be like a bunch of the cast of Shameless that they roll eyes at and avoid.

burberryqueen · 09/08/2013 08:01

does he wear a string vest while he is drinking the beer?

lottiegarbanzo · 09/08/2013 08:02

The sitting on the wall thing immediately made me think of the old men who used to do this in Cornish villages, all day, chatting to anyone who passed. You don't see it much there now but do in small villages on the continent sometimes. Maybe he's really settling in for the long term!

Roshbegosh · 09/08/2013 08:04

He should meet mrsstapler and they could go around from estate to estate causing mayhem "being interesting" yeah right!

wearingpurple · 09/08/2013 08:08

At least the music he plays is decent. My new neighbour was playing some awful album of 'cockney classics' played by a steel band at top volume yesterday afternoon Sad.

MTBMummy · 09/08/2013 08:16

If you were my neighbor I would complain, I speak as someone who has a neighbor who insists on mowing his lawn at 9pm, doing DIY until 2am, and letting his kids practice the recorder and keyboard until 10pm.

I feel like I can't relax in my own home because I'm conscious his noise wakes up DD.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 09/08/2013 08:33

Ok I'm going to ask the neighbours next time I see them and speak to him about this again and hope it doesn't end in an argument.
He sees it as being friendly and open to everyone and I'm being controlling telling him what to do.

Maybe I should do a note and put it through our door? One that just says 'please could you keep down the volume on the stereo in future and not hang around outside the front drinking, smoking and making the street look rough?!

OP posts:
Beastofburden · 09/08/2013 08:34

You can't rely on the neighbours saying something. Even quite nice people can turn aggressive, and your say yourself he can be very difficult if anyone, even you, says something about his music. The problem with assuming that neighbours will say something is that they know the world is full of people like oyour DH and mystapler who think they have the right to do this.

If I were your neighbour I would be miserable. I think you have to ask them quietly and individually if its OK. They may not mind, you will only know if you ask.

thismousebites · 09/08/2013 08:37

You're missing the point when you say "if the neighbours complain then turn it down". Who wants to piss their neighbours off to the point that they complain about you? OP doesn't want it to get to that stage, she wants to fit in and that's being made impossible by her inconsiderate DH.

Beastofburden · 09/08/2013 08:37

Your note,no no. That standing outside smoking and drinking is a totally different issue. If u conflate it with the music u will make him ignore the whole thing as a bunch of snobs. He will also be very hurt, as he wants to be friendly and u have invented a slap in the face for him, only based on your own snobbery (sorry).

Actually find out about the music, then tell him that being firiendly and welcoming means, in this village,not playing loud music on the street.

Why don't you invite the neighbours for a BBQ and then have a quiet chat with them?

JenaiMorris · 09/08/2013 08:38

If I was your neighbour, it would depend entirely on how loud the music actually was. I don't mind a little street noise.

However, he is potentially putting your tenancy at risk and making it more difficult for you to secure future ones (references!). As such if I was you, I'd be pissed off.

SirChenjin · 09/08/2013 08:41

Both the beer drinking on the wall outside and the loud music would annoy me. If you've moved to a quiet village then chances are it's quiet because everyone else likes it that way. Your husband is imposing his music on your neighbours - a metaphorical two fingered salute to them - and the beer drinking out the front in a residential street just looks childish.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 09/08/2013 08:42

I think it is always inconsiderate to have your music blasting out.

worsestershiresauce · 09/08/2013 08:43

Agree with the comment he's not trashy he's inconsiderate. If he wants to play loud music he should at least keep the door shut. It's miserable when you live in the same street as someone who doesn't give a shit about others.

Beer and stuff in the garage would be fine in my book. Not harming anyone else, so fair enough.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 09/08/2013 08:44

It wasn't blaring out but louder than acceptable. We are going to have a house warming next week so we will invite the neighbours. I hope they come or it could backfire!

OP posts:
outtolunchagain · 09/08/2013 08:45

I"m not sure where you lived before but living in a village is quite different to living in a town .If it really is that quiet a village then I suspect the neighbours are in shock. They will be far more likely to complain direct to you landlord/ agent or even the council than to you directly for fear of confrontation or awkwardness.

Your dh needs to understand that he is living in a quiet community.