To think this man is a socially inept arse?

[watchforthesnail]

I just had the shortest date in the history of the world. He was really shy,so i tried to make small talk.... asked about his job etc... i said i had been busy with work but how it worked out ok as i had a lots of holiday and was going away in a few weeks. he asked where and i told him and then he laughed
in my face
and i asked him why he was laughing, and he said he had been to the caribean and scotland ( wtf) and all over. i told him i had lived abroad and that norfolk is very pretty.
and again he laughed then he laughed again when i said i was going in a caravan even though he has never been in a caravan
hes only done call centre work. and has been in his new job ( cold calling) for 3 months.Yet mocked my work. he is a child. said things like ' meh' and 'm'kay' and stupid stuff like that
doesnt do anythng, or go anywhere. he sat in silence and if i didnt talk it was silent.
i said ii had to check my phone as work might have called and i might haveto go back ( was checking for my get out text) and then we sat in silence for a momment and he said ' i want to go home'
and then ' i dont want to be rude but i just want to leave'
so i said ' no thats fine, bye' and left
fucking awful
surprised i didnt cry

It is extreme, isn't it, Vivi?!

OP, for someone who has plenty of esteem, your devastated reaction to the situation and personal digs towards him proves otherwise.

Just move on.

rosh - didnt know he was a nutcase before i slept with im did i.

its not extream, and im not making digs at him, just stating fact. It was an all round horrible experience. im upset at that, more than i am offended by what he said. he means notihng to me, but that doesnt take away from how awful the whole thing was. Its also a little bit different to a comment from someone in tesco, as we have been emailing a few weeks, so while there is no investment, you still expect a certain level of behaviour.

I'm a bit at the assumption - rude? must have asd
I spent the other night with 7 asd men - not dating btw. Not one of them was rude.
Sounds like a horrible date, watch.

All these years I have been doing it all wrong. Instead of a multidisciplinary team making observations, writing reports, meeting with parents and children, meeting to discuss findings....I should just be writing a paragraph on here and let the children be diagnosed the MN way

I wanted to say something like this but MrsD said it much better.

In all fairness, he appears to be the latest in a long line of bad dates I can see why there might be a sort of cumulative wtf how many arseholes ARE there kind of reaction. She said she'll be fine in a day or two. That's moving on. Weve not only diagnosed hhim with Asberger's, but HER with low self esteem. Give it a rest

OP I sympathise, he does sound just downright nasty to have laughed at you.. sometimes when you have a bad experience with a man it feels like the end of the world when combined with all the other bad experiences you've had!

Please don't feel too bad though, lots of us have had similar issues with men; I mean there were dates I've had that went like this:

Me: ''Lovely to see you, shall we go into town then?''
Him: ''Not yet, i'm just waiting for my dealer to contact me''
Me:

Me: ''Hi, nice to meet you''
Him: ''I've just dropped an E''
Me: ''Thanks then''

Me: ''I really enjoyed meeting you last night''
Him: ''I was off my face, sorry I can't remember what you looked like!''
Me:

Him: ''I had to get the bus here; i'm on my 2nd Drink Driving ban...''

Him: ''Your stomach looks fat in that top. Can I sleep with you''
Me:

Him: ''You're not my type. But you are staying at mine tonight?''
Me:

Him: ''My mates have sponsored me to do the Full Monty tonight''
Me: ''I'm going home if you do that''
Him: ''See you then''

Him: ''Let's watch a DVD''
Me: ''Ok, that'll be nice, what is it?... OMG

And so on....

Seriously these are all dates I've had with grown men!

I once worked with someone who sneered at my car and refused a lift because he wouldn't be seen dead in it. It was a brand new car but it wasn't flash.

He hadn't passed his test but when he did he was going to get an Audi TT. He also wouldn't live in a 1 bedroomed flat like me. 10 years later I hear he does have an Audi TT but he still lives at home with his mummy and daddy and is still single.

OP, he probably thought that a holiday in Norfolk in a caravan was a really shit holiday and he probably thinks he is so much better than you because he once went on a 2 week all inclusive deal to the Dominican Republic. He has ideas above his station and is a loser.

Also reminds me of the plumber that installed our central heating. We were telling him that we were very fortunate to have bought our house because house prices were rocketing and if we had sold our flat any later we would not have been able to afford it. He looked at us with utter contempt laughed in my face and said "if you say so I wouldn't live in this dump if you paid me"!

I wont' go in for amateur diagnosis - here's a word much favoured by my grandma which is out of fashion now - this man is an arrogant pissant.
He needs laughing at not sympathizing with.

I agree amateur diagnosis isn't helpful, this man was rude and nasty, its as simple as that.

I think when you have done OD for any length of time, you get used to them being a bit weird, not at all like their pictures, slightly creepy or inappropriate, and none of that surprises or shocks you any more.

But blatant rudeness is kind of a step up from that, and not something most of us experience that often - when you do from a total stranger its shocking, but in a date situation there's something almost humiliating about it.

I have great self-esteem (in fact I was called arrogant on here recently and told I think too much of myself, or words to that effect!). I had a date a while back which was awkward and uncomfortable. He commented mid-date that my false eyelashes weren't stuck down properly (one was about 2mm unstuck when I checked...not something I would mention!). I didn't like him and was quite happy thinking I would get a 'thanks but no spark' text.

What in fact I got was a text saying he didn't find me attractive, and he didn't feel he could see me again as he wouldn't want to give me false hope.

I don't mind admitting I was very upset and insulted by that. I got over it quickly of course, but for a couple of days I felt quite humiliated, its not nice to be told you're unattractive (which I know isn't true, I'm not Kate Moss but I am def above average).

What a shitty experience, OP - YANBU. Even if you realise that there isn't a 'spark' with someone, it's perfectly possible to have a pleasant meal/drink/coffee & chat with them.

But don't take that as an indicator of the whole pool of single men - we're not all sad wankers - some of us are almost normal!

I can understand how you feel watch. I've done the dating thing too, and the one that effected me most was when I guy I met asked me on a date.

Now, I will sound shallow, as in my head I thought 'he's not really good looking, or has a sparkling personality, but don't judge a book by it's cover, give it a whirl, so arranged a date.

He spent the entire date being a prick, listing reasons why he would never go out with a person like me. How my life was just not as exciting as his and I wouldn't even realise that because I was too stupid to see it.

I went home and cried because one thing that went through my head was well if someone I don't even think is attractive or has personality thinks that badly of me I must be truelly awful

I bumped into him about a year later, with my now partner, and got a text that night asking me to met him for sex! He was a dick and yours sounds like a dick too

Genuine question here to people defending him and saying he may be on the spectrum.

Would it not make more sense if the man told the OP or prespective future dates that that was part of who he was to avoid stiuations as higlighted in the OP happening on a constant basis, surely that would be better for both parties?

OP, I think you SHOULD contact him and tell him: 'just to let you know, I was desperate to get away from our 'date' and was hugely relieved when you pissed off. I couldn't believe how inept and unappealing you were. You really need to work on yourself. I mean that kindly. Never contact me again.'

He was a prick to you. You've been left feeling upset and stunned by his behaviour. Which won't last long. But why shouldn't he get a bit of payback? You don't have to be passive.

What an arsehole!

Fellatio I went out with him except he took me to Frankie and Bennys!

He was counting out coppers at the bar before we had even sat down to eat.

Excruciating.

Hope you feel better soon OP. YANBU.

Velvet perhaps he was freaked out by the eyelashes! Contrary to popular opinion many men really dislike very obvious glamour, lot of make-up etc, and they prefer a natural, girl next door look.

I'm sure you are attractive - just not is type. It's a bit of an odd thing to tell someone though, that they don't find them attractive. The 'thanks but no spark' thing would have been more diplomatic. I'm wondering if perhaps he found you arrogant as well.

Text him saying that was the worst date youve ever been on, he was rude and dismissive and he needs to work on his attitude to women.

He probably has got some sort of ASD, but that doesnt mean noone should call you on it if youre rude.

*has 2 autistic boys

Fellatio I appreciate some men like the natural look, however that isn't for me! He had seen about 8 photos of me pre-date and I was fully false-eyelashed up in every one, so I'd presume having asked to meet me he didn't have a problem with the amount of make up I wear.

I doubt that I came across as arrogant, but even if I did, that's no reason to be unkind to me and say I'm unattractive, or imply he was being kind to me by not seeing me again, given that I wasn't at all interested in him, and hadn't given him any reason to think otherwise.

Velvet he just sounds like an absolute arse and you can guarantee that he's horribly rude to loads of women ('natural' or not).

No evidence at all in your posts of any arrogance on your part.

'i want to go home. i dont want to be cruel but i just want to leave'
who the fuck says that.

I would bet a lot of money (which I don't have) that this is something some poor woman has said to him on realising that he is a total loser, and which he has then decided, in his social ineptitude, that he liked this phrase and would use it himself.

Wow. He sounds like a total creep! Beware of online dating...

This is why its better to spend a night in front of the tv at home than go on a date with someone you aren't sure you are attracted to...

My bet is that he wanted to tick off the box of having gone on a date with a woman for his own self accomplishment, and as soon as you met up with him, that was achieved. Hence the desire to end the date asap and make no attempt to be pleasant company.

I'm not sure why he has been diagnosed with AS and the OP labelled "disablist". He is far more statistically likely to have some kind of personality disorder on the sociopathic scale such as avoidant personality disorder, more so if he is doing online dating.

In fact, the majority of convicted criminals have some type of personality disorder, yet they aren't spared sentencing usually because they are considered disabled. This type of person can be quite harmful to spend any amount of time with. I expect that's multiplied in a one on one informal situation. At least you will never have to see him again OP, and his behaviours was so bad it does actually make quite a funny story.

after speaking to a lot of people at work, who were all horrified and shocked, i feel a lot better.

what happened really wasnt normal and has nothing to do with me..while it was deeply unplesant,.i shall be fine.

He sounds like an utter prick, OP.

I'm sat here with my OH and my DB, who's just called round on his way home.

I've just read some of your posts to them and both are talking about what an absolute arse the 'date' was and also commenting on how lovely you look.

I think you've got to put this down to there being lots of utter knobs out there, not that you can only 'pull' arseholes.

P.S. My brother is single and lovely, with a good job, nice house and car etc, and only seems to go on crap dates, too. So you're not the only one!

And he wouldn't dream of commenting on a date's home, job, car, holiday, whatever.

shelly how old's your brother...?

He's 40, FolkGirl.