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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this man is a socially inept arse?

176 replies

watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 20:47

I just had the shortest date in the history of the world. He was really shy,so i tried to make small talk.... asked about his job etc... i said i had been busy with work but how it worked out ok as i had a lots of holiday and was going away in a few weeks. he asked where and i told him and then he laughed
in my face
and i asked him why he was laughing, and he said he had been to the caribean and scotland ( wtf) and all over. i told him i had lived abroad and that norfolk is very pretty.
and again he laughed then he laughed again when i said i was going in a caravan even though he has never been in a caravan
hes only done call centre work. and has been in his new job ( cold calling) for 3 months.Yet mocked my work. he is a child. said things like ' meh' and 'm'kay' and stupid stuff like that
doesnt do anythng, or go anywhere. he sat in silence and if i didnt talk it was silent.
i said ii had to check my phone as work might have called and i might haveto go back ( was checking for my get out text) and then we sat in silence for a momment and he said ' i want to go home'
and then ' i dont want to be rude but i just want to leave'
so i said ' no thats fine, bye' and left
fucking awful
surprised i didnt cry

OP posts:
Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 22:20

cats- im not sure why you are confused with my response. or why anyone would think i would treat someone who was so nasty to me with kindness just in case he had issues i wasnt aware of... on a first date, the very first time i met him.
that would be stupid.

OP posts:
CatsAndTheirPizza · 08/08/2013 22:21

I don't think that is what people are trying to do at all EllesAngel - I think the point is that if he was socially inappropriate through no fault of his own then OP shouldn't feel so slighted.

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 22:22

but neither i nor you have any idea if that was the reason.. and noone is going to find out either. so frankly it doesnt matter why he was an arse. just that he was.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 08/08/2013 22:23

You are very attractive!

I cannot believe that people have dx this man with AS on the basis that the OP had a bad date with him! Yes he was an arse. Why does that mean he has AS??!!!!

FWIW, I went on a date with a man who had an ASD. He was a complete gentleman.

The OP's date was just a shit man who behaved appallingly.

EllesAngel · 08/08/2013 22:26

We don't know if it is his fault or not. Sometimes a twat is just a twat. I think watch should be able to vent without other posters trying to find excuses.

Before anyone jumps on me, no I'm not accusing anybody here, I do have a ds with sn whose social skills can sometime leave a lot to be desired.

wharrgarbl · 08/08/2013 22:29

tbh, I don't care if he's on the spectrum or not - he was really horrible to snail, for no reason at all.

MrsDeVere · 08/08/2013 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinupgirl · 08/08/2013 22:37

You are really,really pretty-and you have lovely teeth which I am very Envyabout!

He sounds like an complete twat-probably spent far too much time wanking to porn and thinks he's gods gift.

Cry tonight and then wake up tomorrow,look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worth way much more-because you really are. You are seriously really attractiveWink

ChinaCupsandSaucers · 08/08/2013 22:38

watchforthesnail

I'm sorry he left you feeling bruised - I don't know if it helps, but I was reminded of this story when you posted - I hope it raises a smile!

Lauren's date

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 22:41

pinup, im not. men dont seem to like me. i have a list a mile long of bad dates.and i do mean a mile long.

i still cant get over that he said ' i want to go home, i dont want to be cruel, but i want to leave'

after laughing in my face about my life.

im just gobsmacked.

and utterly upset.

and angry

and upset.

very upset.

OP posts:
TrucksAndDinosaurs · 08/08/2013 22:47

Yanbu to feel upset, it sounds like an awful date.
He certainly sounds very, very socially inept.
So socially inept in fact that it sounds like he has a serious problem with social interactions - at least as far as dates go.
Perhaps viewing it in that light might make the OP feel less bruised - after all, it really, really cannot be ascribed to any failing on her part in any way - no more than it would be a failing of the OP if a date with no sense of smell failed to notice her perfume. Crap example but basically its not you it's him as everyone said.

He may have ASD and also be an arse.
He may just be an arse.
He may have ASD and not be an arse but be really unskilled at social interactions especially first dates which are challenging even for the highly socially adept.

Anyway better luck next time.

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 22:48

Look, you are getting upset about this little water rat having so few social skills that he couldn't hold a proper conversation and wanted to get home to cyberspace where he feels safe.

You are lovely and from what you say, you sound interesting, too. He was neither. He was boring, insular, rude and frankly, pathetic.

You had an unhappy night with a complete loser. Remember: he is the loser.

Which website were you on? Are you involved in any sports or other social activities? If you tell us your interests and your area then we could come up with some places you could go to to meet men. Let's face it, if you'd met this idiot in advance, you would never have agreed to a date with him and he wouldn't have dared ask you for one, either, because you're so far out of his league.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/08/2013 22:49

He of the jumbled teeth will be beating himself about the head by now when he is safe at home and realises he messed up AGAIN!

Pinupgirl · 08/08/2013 22:50

Its the men-ITS NOT YOU!!!! sorry to shout but really-I am not lying or trying to be kind-you are a very attractive women. Not ok,not plain-very attractive imo.

Allow yourself the time to be a wee bit upset but not too much-he really is not worth it. Onwards and upwards.

MsMunch · 08/08/2013 22:54

Oh god he was awful...he will be single for longer than 8 years me thinks. But he insulted you when you were being nice that sucks. Am still peeved that whilst doing a good deed for a mum I know the dh mentioned a collegue who lived by me when I asked who he was he assured me he wouldn't be one on my neighbours as he was his superior, oh yes because I couldn't live near his boss because I live in a pond or summat. I smirked and rose above but wish I had just told him he was a rude twat. However, then I would have wished I had risen above... You too I bet.

There are twats, sometimes they get closer than we like, tonight sucks but tomorrow will be ok, this will be funny eventually. Especially after a few fun dates:)

alwaysinamuckingfuddle · 08/08/2013 22:55

Good grief, narrow escape there. He sounds like a prize twat.

Just laugh about it. No point in crying...

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 22:59

imperial - there is a man shortage when you are my age. its either they are still like a child and living at home and spending all their time drinking, are just divorced so shagging anythng that moves, or terminally single because they are weird.

However, i am now terminally single because there are no decent men.

i go out, i do stuff. dont ever meet anyone. Got chatted up by two men in a petrol station the other morning, which was nice... but they didnt ask for my number.... and at work, but again, didnt ask for my number.

never get approached when i go out. ever.

OP posts:
Melonbreath · 08/08/2013 23:05

You're beautiful. It probably scares men.
You'll find someone worthy.

Latara · 08/08/2013 23:06

snail - same here. There really are no decent single 30-something men!

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 23:07

honestly. im not. its very kind to say so.
passable, yes.
beautiful - no.

:)

OP posts:
Fourwillies · 08/08/2013 23:08

YABU. Get back on the phone to him, he sounds like a top catch! Grin

TroublesomeEx · 08/08/2013 23:11

there is a man shortage when you are my age. its either they are still like a child and living at home and spending all their time drinking, are just divorced so shagging anythng that moves, or terminally single because they are weird.

Yep!

I'm 39 but I don't look it (so I'm told), don't behave like it (so my children tell me) and certainly don't feel like it (whatever 39 feels like!).

And yes, I'm single and I don't get approached by men when I go out. I never get chatted up. No one ever fancies me! Ever.

It's crap isn't it!

quesadilla · 08/08/2013 23:11

I'd say socially inept arse is putting it kindly. He sounds like a sociopath and I think you had a lucky escape. Don't shed tears over this one.

Pinupgirl · 08/08/2013 23:12

If a man chats you up ask for his number! Sometimes you have to just go for it-whats the worst that can happen? They say no-so what? You move on to the next one.

I don't want to sound harsh but have you considered you maybe need to work on your self confidence more? You keep saying you are not that attractive when you really are. Don't want to come over all self help-ish but keep telling yourself that you are an attractive,interesting women who deserves someone worthy of her.

I would date you in a minuteWink-and I am straight and married!

mynameismskane · 08/08/2013 23:13

You had a lucky escape - he sound like a right little knobber. Don't waste any feelings of upset on him, just laugh!

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