To think this man is a socially inept arse?

[watchforthesnail]

I just had the shortest date in the history of the world. He was really shy,so i tried to make small talk.... asked about his job etc... i said i had been busy with work but how it worked out ok as i had a lots of holiday and was going away in a few weeks. he asked where and i told him and then he laughed
in my face
and i asked him why he was laughing, and he said he had been to the caribean and scotland ( wtf) and all over. i told him i had lived abroad and that norfolk is very pretty.
and again he laughed then he laughed again when i said i was going in a caravan even though he has never been in a caravan
hes only done call centre work. and has been in his new job ( cold calling) for 3 months.Yet mocked my work. he is a child. said things like ' meh' and 'm'kay' and stupid stuff like that
doesnt do anythng, or go anywhere. he sat in silence and if i didnt talk it was silent.
i said ii had to check my phone as work might have called and i might haveto go back ( was checking for my get out text) and then we sat in silence for a momment and he said ' i want to go home'
and then ' i dont want to be rude but i just want to leave'
so i said ' no thats fine, bye' and left
fucking awful
surprised i didnt cry

It might make it easier to understand in hindsight, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept at the time.

i dont even care the reasons why he did what he did.

im just utterly hurt. and feel wretched.

Its also difficult to keep picking yourself up and going on dates, its putting yourself right out there. to be so harshly judged TO MY FACE. and then for him to leave so quickly, actually telling me he just wanted to go home.

HORRIBLE.

he didnt just laugh at my holiday. he laughed at my job, my friends, pretty much anything i said. he hardly spoke. if i didnt talk there was silence. And then he just laughed. It wasnt a conversation laughing, having a joke together. he was laughing at me. I just gave the example of holiday..... so i said i was going to norfolk. and he laughed and i said why was he laughing and he said he had been to x places. and i said so, i have been to other places, and had also lived abroad, but this year im going go norfolk, its a break, i will be with nice people and have a nice time. and then he just laughed again. and so it went on.

cunt.

I would just send him an email saying "it was nice meeting you but you are not my type, good Luck for the future"

Oh fuck that. 'It was horrible meeting you, I can't believe you'd be anyone's type, and you have the scandalous manners of a pig under a bed.'

And it's always very upsetting to have that kind of rudeness up close and personal, even if the source is an utter dickhead.

The OP is perfectly justified in being upset and venting her anger/frustration and feelings on here, but why the need to totally slate the man? He might have thought she was totally socially inept too, hence he was rude and couldn't wait to get away.

I'm probably just being sensitive due to previously working with people who have aspergers and learning disabilities and spend their lives trying to be normal only for their efforts to be thrwated and for society to not accept their level of difference and to ridicule them and I do find it to be disablist.

I'm not saying the OP should not feel upset or angry (although I don't see the point in getting upset about somebody that you have met once and have no desire to ever see again) I just find her comments about him shocking; how would she feel if he is on a public website telling the world that he met this woman who was socially backward, kept checking her phone, had manky teeth, and thinks that going to Norfolk in a caravan is a cultural experience.....and that he couldn't wait to escape because she seemed so odd but she wouldn't take the hint so he had to be downright rude and overtly direct in the end?

It isn't nice as he is somebody's brother, son etc, but like I said I'm probably being far too sensitive.

watchfor - make it your golden rule that you always talk to someone on the telephone before meeting up - it really helps weed out the losers.

and trust your instinct in future. Your original instinct told you not to meet this man.

He was a twat but it doesn't mean the next one will be.

running - yes. you are being far too sensitive.

i have nice teeth.
i am not socially backward. I was hired for my job because im a very sociable/ people/ approachable person and have just had a ton of feedback from the very highest managers in my workplace about how lovely my manner is and how amazing i am with people. I am known for my people skills both in and out of the workplace.

never said norfolk was a cultural experience. it was never intended to be. im going with family, to spend time with the people that matter and frankly it could be a mile up the road for all i care. its about having some time out with those that i care for.

i checked my phone once.

and if he was on a webste saying all that, then i wouldnt know so could hardly care. Over half of MN is threads of people posting about people who dont know they are being posted about, neighbours, friends, work people, family members, random people in the street. you are being very very precious.

nothing i have said is shocking. his behaviour was.

It's a shame you can't leave feedback on dating sites like you can on Ebay or Trip Advisor.

You could say 'I feel conned. The outer packaging looked ok but when his mouth opened his teeth were all mangled and gerbilly. I feel the photos were not a true representation of the goods delivered.'

Lets' try to cheer you up with other First Date Horror Stories. Then you'll feel less alone and be able to laugh about it.

You need to brush up on your world of Warcraft patter if you want to dazzle these sort of guys.

So true!

:)

i have a LONG list of first date horror stories. this one will just get filed with the others.

I dont even feel conned. i wasnt sure from his pics, and i knew there had to be a tooth issue as in all his pics his mouth was closed. sadly, through dating experince i have come to learn if someone has their mouth shut in every photo they send, its for a reason.

and, its not even about how he looked, had he had been awful looking but polite and nice it would have been fine.

had he had been awful looking but a great personality im sure i would have had a great time and might have even seen him again.

but he didnt. he was fucking rude.

i'm on eHarmony too. I went on a few dates with a chap recently who was also very weird - creepy weird. very controlling, sex-obsessed (but actually not very good in that department - a waste of good underwear!) and very showy offy. everything I'd done, he'd done better. he was very odd. I guess internet dating can sometimes attract the stranger examples of humanity!

My worst one was with a bloke who wanted to take me out for dinner (his treat, very generous offer I thought) and then took me to Garfunkels. don't know if it's even still in existence, but it was like an early version of an all you can eat buffet in a brightly lit canteen sort of atmosphere - only one up from a McDonalds really. 'Fair enough, don't judge yet,' I thought. Then the waitress came to take our order for drinks and he asked for a Coke. And this was the conversation that ensued:

Her: 'large or small coke?'

Him: 'How much is the large?'

Her: 'x pence' (or whatever it was then)

Him: 'Erm...and how big is it?'

Her: 'It's about this big'

Him: 'And how much is the small?'

Her: 'It's y pence'

Him: 'And how big is that?'

Her: 'It's about this big'

Him: (thinking for what seemed like an eternity) 'I'll just have the small then.'

Then he counted out the money for the bill to the very penny in cash, with all of his coins sorted out on the table. It's not that it was an awful thing to do, it was just the most uncool date behaviour EVEEER.

stop you really shouldn't be falling into bed with people you find creepy!

Have people forgotten how to meet people in real life and therefore have an idea abut what they are really getting aesthetically and have spoken to them in person beforehand so have an idea about what they are getting personality wise? Surely if you don't meet strangers from the Internet then you dont have to put yourself through the torture of meeting somebody who is a complete nightmare, looks nothing like their profile suggests and is unable to hold a two way conversation.
I obviously don't understand the whole Internet dating thing.

You look lovely. REALLY lovely.

I can appreciate this must have been a really unpleasant experience and you're sick of wasting your time but I'm not sure why you're so deeply upset by this particular incident? Yes he sounds like a total Richard Head, I see no excuse for his behaviour... but you weren't particularly emotionally invested, you didn't have high hopes for him and it's not like you'd built up a rapport before the date...

If he'd been really lovely up until meeting then behaved so ignorantly then I could understand your "feeling wretched". I feel like an ogre saying this when you're obviously feeling fragile, but you're using very emotive language to describe your reaction, your emotions seem at odds with the reality of the event...

You're crying over it? It's "incrediably hurtful" and you're "shocked to [your] core" But why when you weren't attracted to him and didn't find anything likeable about him, why be so bothered that he's not interested in you? Fine, be offended at his rudeness, and unsettled by an unpleasant experience... but to have such a strong emotional reaction to the peculiar behaviour of a stranger?

Perhaps this incident is just the straw that broke the camel's back?

i was only there for the free weekend. he was the best of the bunch.

i shall not be signing up. not only because its so expensive.

real - he sounds classy. my dating low lights include an unexepcted ginger mullet who called his mum half way through in front of me to tell me how nice i was.

a hunchback who was possibly the most arrogant man ive ever ever met.

the granny shagger, who gave me intimate detail of his exploits and wondered why i didnt want to see him again.

the nutcase who only slept with me because i had previously had a thing for someone he had been stalking for 8 years. as in restraining order stalking...

a man with a knitted tie.

they are just the ones from this year. there are 4 years worth of dating lows. most i think ive blocked out. NONE were as humilating as last night.

vivi - i do feel wretched. Maybe its the straw that broke the camels back.
maybe its the feeling of being judged so harshy, to my face.

its probably a bit of both.

Doesnt matter where insults come from, they are still hurtful. and this was, as i said, directly to my face. over a table.

Just to go back a bit, Norfolk is awesome and I have been just about everywhere in the world. Nothing wrong with a caravan in Norfolk IMO though I would prefer a cottage personally. Well-Next-the-Sea was fabulous and if he had never been he was talking out of his arse anyway. He has visited the Carribbean, probably stayed in an enclosure getting pissed all week.

I used to work in garfunkels, fellatio- you were not alone in your experience.

Aw watch, it sounds grim - it's weird as an adult you don't expect to go through this kind of hideous experience and then you Internet date and you do, and you feel 14 again :(

My worst? I was optimistic about fella but dubious about lack of photos- he was 35 and wanted to meet women from 30 -40 which I thought meant he was more open minded than the usual. Turned out he was fifty. I remember he clutched my hand and said 'I don't mind if you don't mind' just before I left.

Yes but judged by someone you have no emotional investment in, or respect for, or knowledge of. Your reaction to that unqualified judgement should be tempered with an allowance for the fact that his judgement doesn't count for much.

I look a fucking STATE today. I'm going to Tescos later. If a fellow shopper were to pass comment on my appearance or the contents of my basket, I would feel offended and unsettled, but I wouldn't take their comments to heart because they DON'T KNOW ME and I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM.

You don't know him. He doesn't know you. You don't care about each other. Its not nice to be insulted to your face, but your reaction seems extreme in this case.

Running Tbh, I think that internet dating is like catalogue shopping. You get to browse, add people to your 'wishlist', and then review and buy if you choose (first date) with a view to returning if it isn't up to scratch (no second date/return to browsing).

I think that people sometimes forget that they are interacting with real people and when they meet someone they don't click with, or fancy in the flesh, they dispense with all the social pleasantries and are focused on getting back to the catalogue to start looking again. Or whatever.

The problem is that some people are socially awkward and not because of any ASD or other related condition, but because of their basic personality, their upbringing, etc. Which, in some cases, might explain why they are OD in the first place.

I don't like how on MN ASD gets bandied around as an excuse for appallingly rude behaviour. I have worked with people with ASD, we have ASD in the family and, as I said upthread, I went on a date with a man who had an ASD. Yes, people can be blunt, the flow of conversation can be stilted, and topics of conversation can make you if you have no experience of it. But ASD doesn't make someone behave like an arsehole. Being a nasty bastard does that!

snail you are not picking them well and why jump into bed with a nutcase? Maybe ginger mullet guy et al might have just needed educating on how to dress.