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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man is a socially inept arse?

176 replies

watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 20:47

I just had the shortest date in the history of the world. He was really shy,so i tried to make small talk.... asked about his job etc... i said i had been busy with work but how it worked out ok as i had a lots of holiday and was going away in a few weeks. he asked where and i told him and then he laughed
in my face
and i asked him why he was laughing, and he said he had been to the caribean and scotland ( wtf) and all over. i told him i had lived abroad and that norfolk is very pretty.
and again he laughed then he laughed again when i said i was going in a caravan even though he has never been in a caravan
hes only done call centre work. and has been in his new job ( cold calling) for 3 months.Yet mocked my work. he is a child. said things like ' meh' and 'm'kay' and stupid stuff like that
doesnt do anythng, or go anywhere. he sat in silence and if i didnt talk it was silent.
i said ii had to check my phone as work might have called and i might haveto go back ( was checking for my get out text) and then we sat in silence for a momment and he said ' i want to go home'
and then ' i dont want to be rude but i just want to leave'
so i said ' no thats fine, bye' and left
fucking awful
surprised i didnt cry

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 08/08/2013 21:51

Agree with thenightsky. He knew you were way out of his league!

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 21:53

thenightsky- thank you. too kind. ive just put a pic on that i look just as i was going out of the door. i kind of thought i looked ok... ( im 35 next month) and now i just feel utterly hideous.

i know its all him but still, if that wasnt hurtful or embarassing, or awful, then i wouldnt be human. i think i did well not to cry till i got home....

OP posts:
Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 21:56

i dont think thats the case at all. i hardly have a queue of men lining up... and he was mocking me.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 08/08/2013 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 08/08/2013 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyInDisguise · 08/08/2013 22:01

I thought the same than TruckAndDinosaurs.

Yes socially inept but perhaps not a reason to make fun of him.

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 22:01

yes i know its HIM.

doesnt stop ME being hurt still.

bloody insulting and upsetting.

OP posts:
CatsAndTheirPizza · 08/08/2013 22:01

I wondered about aspergers too - it's very possible watch and would explain/excuse everything.

EllesAngel · 08/08/2013 22:02

watch he's a twat...plain and simple. He mocked to make himself feel better which shows how pathetic he is. Don't let him get to you you are so much better than that.

LadyInDisguise · 08/08/2013 22:03

Well I don't think AS is an 'excuse'. It's an explanation and a reminder not to make fun of him because, AS or not, he probably can't help it.

And of course, it says nothing about you as a person watch.

MrsDeVere · 08/08/2013 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyInDisguise · 08/08/2013 22:05

And if it is AS, he also didn't want to be hurtful and was really thinking about not hurting you by leaving so quickly.

HansieMom · 08/08/2013 22:07

I thought Aspergers from the first but was chicken to be the first one to say it.

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 22:08

i dont give two shits if he has anything. If he has he should maybe make people aware ( which he didnt) and im not going to go searching for reasons why he was an arse to me. he was an arse and utterly nasty.
end of.

and yes, i will run him down without giving a second though as to why he was like that, because 1) why should i care? 2) he was nasty 3) im never going to find out nor see him again.

OP posts:
LadyInDisguise · 08/08/2013 22:08

Mine would.
Because he would actually find the idea of going to that place strange and funny and wouldn't see how someone would do that.

Not about laughing AT someone but laughing because the idea is funny/strange.
He would also struggle a lot with small talk and stay silent for long periods.
And not get that the way you talk as a child/teenager isn't always suitable as an adult, esp if no one has ever pointed out that to him (eg it depends on the circumstances etc...)

topknob · 08/08/2013 22:09

ASD or not you still have to learn what is acceptable and what isn't. I have an 11 yr old son with ASD.

MrsDeVere · 08/08/2013 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyInDisguise · 08/08/2013 22:10

watch the only reason why you can just forget about the episode and move on is ... kindness.

myroomisatip · 08/08/2013 22:13

Please don't feel hurt. He is an idiot. I had to go and check out your profile and you are gorgeous. Just feel sorry for the guy, he really does have major problems, (don't most guys?).

Wow, I get a bit lonely but I honestly think that is the least of my problems!

LadyInDisguise · 08/08/2013 22:15

MrsDeVere

I don't think anyone has diagnosed him. At most I have pointed out that it could be AS. Or something else (just socially inept).
As I said it's not an excuse. It's a possible explanation.
And it doesn't mean that all people with AS/ASD are like this. We all know that aspies are as diverse as NT people. Some you are happy to spend some time with and others you don't.

For me the AS is just a reminder that it doesn't hurt to be kind to people because they might not be able to do anything else.
And unless I knew that person for a long time, I would start by being kind and look at the 'nicest' possibility.
Neither me, you or the OP has anyway to say whether this was a 'nasty' person or whether it's the way he is.

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 08/08/2013 22:15

lady - eh? im not following you? i wont move on for a few days. tbh i keep bursting into tears. it was hurtful and embarassing an awful. I feel like shit even though its not me. he mocked my life in my face, it wasnt just the holiday thing. and then he said he wanted to go home and didnt want to be cruel. what a fucking insult. I feel like i must be so terrible looking that he cant even sit with me for more than 40 mins. I wont move on for a while because im damn upset.

OP posts:
CatsAndTheirPizza · 08/08/2013 22:15

FFS no-one is diagnosing anything - merely pointing out that if this was the case it would explain his behaviour.

Bit Hmm at OP's response.

EllesAngel · 08/08/2013 22:17

Agree with MrsDeVere very bizarre but that's mumsnet for you.

The lovely and beautiful watch is needing to vent after a crap date that left her feeling bad and posters are trying to make excuses for him Hmm

watch it's him not you, you know that. Vent away as much as you need to then put it, and him, behind you and remember to listen to your instincts next time :)

CongoBongoIsland · 08/08/2013 22:18

You need to brush up on your world of Warcraft patter if you want to dazzle these sort of guys.

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 22:20

You are so pretty and he sounds like a rodent, tbh.

He sounds as though he has no social skills at all. What you have to do is to think of anyone watching the pair of you - they'd be muttering to themselves, "What the hell is she doing with that bloke?"

Count yourself lucky the date (such as it was!) was cut short. Doesn't matter who did it.