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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my childminder to collect her child from a school...

249 replies

persimmon · 06/08/2013 22:18

.. about 5 miles away after she's collected my DS and her other mindees from their school? I can't figure out if I'm being mean. Basically, her child will start senior school in September. She applied to one outside the catchment and got in. CM doesn't want her child getting the bus, so is planning on driving to her child's school every day with all her mindees. The senior school is in a different place entirely and will involve a significant drive on busy main roads during school run time.

I just feel like we pay her to look after DS and don't want him stuck in a car for what could be almost an hour after school. Or is this normal for a CM to do?

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 06/08/2013 22:52

YANBU I wouldn't be happy with this ,particularly if its straight after school with no opportunity for going to the loo and having a snack first . To all the people saying CMs are providing a home from home service would it be acceptable if she just sat the mindees in front of the TV or took them to Asda every afternoon . She is providing a paid for service and hence the mindees do come before her child to an extent because whilst the mindees are there she is at work .

Greythorne · 06/08/2013 22:52

I think you have to accept that you get what you pay for.

If you have the means for a nanny, get one.

flyingwidow · 06/08/2013 22:54

I wouldn't want that for my dc. Switch cm's- as another poster said- it may work for others and great if it does, but if it doesn't work for you vote with your feet and go elsewhere.

morethanpotatoprints · 06/08/2013 22:55

I have never used a cm, but I agree with you. I wouldn't expect my dc to have 100% attention but I wouldn't be happy with this. She doesn't get paid to collect her child from school.

nokidshere · 06/08/2013 22:55

Acrylic..

I would imagine that cost is probably the main reason for collecting in the car!! It's £40 per week on the bus for my boys and we do some car shares in order to reduce the outlay a bit! The DC's don't actually get a choice!!!

nokidshere · 06/08/2013 22:58

Oh and I do a 14 mile round trip from one small town to another through country lanes and it takes me between 15 and 25 mins max!

AcrylicPlexiglass · 06/08/2013 22:59

It would make not a jot of difference to me whether it was another minded child or the childminder's own child who was being picked up. Why would it? I just would not choose childcare that involved a long car trip for my child every day (unless all the other childcare was even worse). Being in a car for almost an hour, even with a nice person practicing number bonds, is not my child's idea of fun after a long day at nursery/school and is not my idea of good childcare either. In persimmon's situation I would definitely look for alternative care.

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 06/08/2013 23:00

I personally wouldn't want that much time spent on the school run on a daily basis when I'm paying either. I think you need to look for alternative childcare if it doesn't suit you. She is not going to change what she feels is best for her son, so it needs to be you who changes.

natwebb79 · 06/08/2013 23:01

My toddler DS goes to a child minder who has to drop off/pick up her teenage kids from school in the car. He loves it as he gets to have a ride in her 'BIG black car' as he puts it (it's a people carrier compared to my boring old Punto) and her kids make a massive fuss of him. It doesn't bother me in the slightest but if it bothers you that much then I guess you will have to look for alternative child care.

AcrylicPlexiglass · 06/08/2013 23:02

£40 per week??? Daylight robbery. Bikes for Christmas?

HorryIsUpduffed · 06/08/2013 23:02

If you chose her precisely because she's near your DS's school then YANBU. If you chose her because she's good, then YA probably BU.

formicadinosaur · 06/08/2013 23:02

If it was 20 or 15 mins, then fine bug an hour is a lot. Maybe she plans to drive her DD for the first term only?

Turniptwirl · 06/08/2013 23:06

Yabu

If you don't like it then change cm or put up with it

TheDoctrineOfAllan · 06/08/2013 23:07

It's fair enough to say that you wouldn't have chosen her service over another if this had been part of it from the beginning.

So the service has changed somewhat. You could accept it, negotiate a change of your own (discount or whatever) or look for an alternative service.

HandMini · 06/08/2013 23:11

Suggest it only happens on half the days you use her services?

HandMini · 06/08/2013 23:12

Do your children have an activity that they would genuinely enjoy in the car - struggling to think of one beyond reading / story tapes?

littlewhitebag · 06/08/2013 23:34

My cm used to run around taking her kids and her mindees places all the time. She also played badminton and took my preschool dd with her. Or met friends for coffee/ lunch. To me it was like a normal family day which my kids were part of. They loved her, i mean really adored her. That is the whole point of a cm versus a nursery.

NaturalBaby · 06/08/2013 23:36

What exactly are you worried about - that your ds will be bored in the car or that your CM is going to crash the car?!

AcrylicPlexiglass · 06/08/2013 23:51

I take the point about childminders being good precisely because their mindees fit in with family life, honestly. But an hour every day in a car after a long day at primary school is just not ideal. If school finishes at 3.30 and the child is picked up at 6 by his parents he would be spending well over 1/3 of his childcare time in a car, potentially feeling bored, tired, possibly even car sick. Very different from lots of short journeys throughout the day. This is very unlikely to be a great or even good-enough after-school child care experience, imo.

MaryPoppinsBag · 06/08/2013 23:52

Just find someone else if it bothers you. I'm a CM and my children come first. And if not first at least equal to my mindees. She is entitled to pick up her own child from school. Maybe once her child has settled at school she will catch the bus. Her daughter might be nervous and being picked up might ease her in gently. And once she is established she might find a friend to travel with on bus or get lifts with.
You may give up a great CM for something rather trivial, which might only last a short while.

Your CM will probably make sure your child has had a wee before they set off and take snacks and a drink. I personally wouldn't have an issue with it.

Also Would it bother you if the school run took as long as an hour on foot?

Viviennemary · 06/08/2013 23:54

YANBU. I don't think it's fair to charge for looking after children and then ferry them around in a car every day. I think I'd look for somebody else.

MaryPoppinsBag · 07/08/2013 00:01

But what if the journey by foot took 40 minutes or so? Wouldn't that be the same?

Childminders are not children's entertainers. It will not harm your child in the

NomDeOrdinateur · 07/08/2013 00:02

In the nicest possible way, YABU - if you want your childminder to be accommodating and supportive when your child wants to do things which require extra journeys in the future (e.g. parties, friends' houses, after school French/sports/science clubs, swimming lessons), then you need to reciprocate.

My DM was a childminder and regularly received complaints from parents about how long their offspring were spending in the car en route to another child's commitment/drop-off/pick-up etc. Of course, the same amount of time in the car for all of the mindees was totally acceptable when it was necessary in order for their child to attend swimming lessons, after school clubs, etc...

Also, the time in the car was generally well used. The children would practice reading, spelling, vocab (I Spy, etc), and listen to appropriate music and stories on CD, and didn't have chance to get bored!

PeriodMath · 07/08/2013 00:06

I wouldn't be ok with that but then I wouldn't use a childminder in the first place for precisely these sorts of reasons. She's told you what she's doing, the ball's in your court.

brightpinktoenails · 07/08/2013 00:09

I would imagine that the childminder became a childminder to fit around her family life.

It's perfectly reasonable for her to want to do it (pick up her child etc) but I wouldn't like my LO in the car being ferried around either

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