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AIBU?

To not want my childminder to collect her child from a school...

249 replies

persimmon · 06/08/2013 22:18

.. about 5 miles away after she's collected my DS and her other mindees from their school? I can't figure out if I'm being mean. Basically, her child will start senior school in September. She applied to one outside the catchment and got in. CM doesn't want her child getting the bus, so is planning on driving to her child's school every day with all her mindees. The senior school is in a different place entirely and will involve a significant drive on busy main roads during school run time.

I just feel like we pay her to look after DS and don't want him stuck in a car for what could be almost an hour after school. Or is this normal for a CM to do?

OP posts:

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JoandMax · 07/08/2013 05:58

Neither of you are being unreasonable but I think you either have to put up with it or find a new CM.

And an hour in the car after school is not something exciting or a learning opportunity at all! They need to be relaxing and playing and forgetting about school.

I am having a dilemma what to do with my youngest in Sept - he finishes pre-school 1hr 45 mins before his brother but we live a 25 minute drive to school - there's no way I want him to have done a long morning then have to spend over an hour in the car in the afternoon.

exoticfruits · 07/08/2013 06:07

I would change childminders.

BoundandRebound · 07/08/2013 06:10

I really don't think there is any way this journey would take an hour, you are suggesting she travels an average of 10 miles an hour, on A roads

MrsPercyPig · 07/08/2013 06:28

I was coming on here to say YABVVU and then I saw that your son will really be in the car for an hour a day! That's far too much every day for him and being with a CM (who you are paying) in the car for an hour is very different to being in the car with you!

I definitely wouldn't mind her picking up her child from school if it was close by, but not an hours commute! I know people are saying she is a CM so as she can look after her family but YOU are paying her to look after your son not drag him around in a car for an hour a day!

I don't think this is acceptable and I would look for a different CM.

Cherriesarelovely · 07/08/2013 06:40

If it really will take an hour I would find a different cm. I can't quite decide if the cm is being U but I wouldn't like it for my Dd at that age.

MrsCampbellBlack · 07/08/2013 06:45

I do a similar length school run and it can take me an hour due to traffic.

I would look for some other childcare as don't think this is ideal for children post-school. Are there any after school clubs at all on offer to you?

teatimesthree · 07/08/2013 06:48

I am a big advocate of CMs and mindees fitting in with family life, but this would be too long in the car for me.

fatfinger · 07/08/2013 07:07

It's one thing to do a 'normal' school run or the occasional errand that involves a longer journey but quite different to mindees spending an hour in the car every day.

You are paying for childcare, that isn't childcare however it is dressed up.

MousyMouse · 07/08/2013 07:17

yanbu
you had/have an arrangement that suited you that has now changed.
I would look for another childminder or does your dc chool has an afterschool club he could join?

FamiliesShareGerms · 07/08/2013 07:19

I don't think either of you are BU, you just have different priorities. You can't expect her to change her plans but she shouldn't be surprised if you decided to change your childcare plans. You might want to see how it works in practice, though, including whether her DS uses the bus after a while and the problem resolves itself.

nokidshere · 07/08/2013 07:21

Actually I do not "drag" my children or anyone else's children anywhere at all. We go places and we do stuff that's part of a daily routine. Sometimes - shock horror- we have been known to be in the car for most of the afternoon until dinner at 5pm!!!

The children love a magical mystery tour where I have to drive where they tell me to, and I pretend (or not) to be lost and they all roll around laughing!!!!

MackerelOfFact · 07/08/2013 07:22

YABU. She is 'minding' your child. I think if you want something more than that - tutoring or structured play or whatever it is you'd rather you child did for an hour after school - you need to make other arrangements.

My mum was a childminder when I was growing up and I would hate to think that the parents of her young mindees - who I loved like my own siblings and spent my own evenings entertaining, teaching, and sharing my home and toys with - were resentful of their DCs doing something for my benefit.

nokidshere · 07/08/2013 07:23

Actually I do not "drag" my children or anyone else's children anywhere at all. We go places and we do stuff that's part of a daily routine. Sometimes - shock horror- we have been known to be in the car for most of the afternoon until dinner at 5pm!!!

The children love a magical mystery tour where I have to drive where they tell me to, and I pretend (or not) to be lost and they all roll around laughing!!!!

MackerelOfFact · 07/08/2013 07:24

(Not that my mum was a neglectful childminder at all, but when you're 11 and have four under-7s in your home every evening, there's not a lot else you can do other than play with them - certainly no peace or homework was going to happen!)

MrsCampbellBlack · 07/08/2013 07:25

I think if the child was with the CM all day it would be less of an issue. But as its only after-school care then an hour doing a school run is a lot.

moogy1a · 07/08/2013 07:29

I'm a CM in rural area. If we want to go anywhere it's at least 20 mins.
each way.
The kids chat, sing, read play daft games in the car.
I can't see the problem yabu

DontmindifIdo · 07/08/2013 07:32

I do think people who are saying "shes right to put her dcs first" are missing that you are right to do the same, and an hour stuck in crawling traffic every day is frankly crap, so go elsewhere. (and if she's committed to doing an hours drive every night, I don't see how she could also be flexible about sports club drop offs/pick up as others have suggested)

kinkyfuckery · 07/08/2013 07:34

How would you react if it were another mindee she had to pick up rather than her own child?

CaptainSweatPants · 07/08/2013 07:34

Op I agree with you

I'd look into afterschool club if your primary school offers it

School age kids need chill out time or a trip to the park after school not ferrying about IMO

My dd gets car sick so I wonder how long your cm would think it was a good idea if she had a car sick child to deal with every evening

Nishky · 07/08/2013 07:35

My children go to after school club where they run around in the fresh air wherever possible and do lots of crafts if not possible.

I would not be happy to pay for a car journey after school!!!

racmun · 07/08/2013 07:35

Most the childminders I know of do have to shuttle the children round between a couple of different schools. I thought it was the norm tbh.

If you're not happy, change to another cm it get a nanny

diddl · 07/08/2013 07:36

I'm surprised people think that OP IBU tbh.

The cm doesn't have to collect her 2ndry age child from school-there are buses!

Surely when you have a job, there sometimes has to be some compromise & perhaps your child getting the bus is one?

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Sirzy · 07/08/2013 07:39

Perhaps she doesn't want her child sat on a bus for over an hour a day when there is an alternative especially when he is just settling into school? Given some bus routes it could probably end up closer to 2 hours a day given the traffic the OP talks about!

The childminder has made the decision that she feels is best for her child. It is now for the OP to decide what she thinks is best for her child, its not ideal but surely when you decide to use a childminder you have to be aware that circumstances may change?

nooka · 07/08/2013 07:41

I agree with most of the other posters, it is not particularly surprising that the childminder would like to pick up her dd from her new school, but it's also not at all surprising that you are not happy for your ds to spend up to an hour every day after school sitting in a car in traffic.

I'm not sure how old your son is but my children would have been pretty vocally unhappy about that and the point for us in having a childminder who picked up from our school is that they then went and mellowed out at the childminders house until they got picked up to come home (when they moaned about the length of the journey home).

Yes the childminder concept is 'home away from home' but generally speaking the home that most parents are thinking about is probably not the back of a car, and they are the paying customers, childminders aren't doing some sort of favour for parents. Our childminder didn't take any of the children anywhere unless one of her children was already doing an activity there, and none of the pick up journeys were more than 10 mins or so.

OP I'd at least start looking at alternatives, although hopefully the daughter will soon want to take the bus with their friends instead.

Wuxiapian · 07/08/2013 07:42

I don't think I'd be happy if it was an everyday thing. I would look into finding alternative arrangements.

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