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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 05/08/2013 15:53

I agree 5madthings

I think it's actually just a child's attitude to nudity

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee · 05/08/2013 15:54

nah this isnt a wind up. The OP says they have BOUGHT the house next door. T'were it a wind up it would be rented or HA, and they'd have a snarling dog, natch....

bearleftmonkeyright · 05/08/2013 15:55

Pagwatch, the advice about growing a big bush was spot on. Very sensible given the circumstances. Big bushes make good neighbors.

KellyElly · 05/08/2013 15:56

Smoking when you are the parents of young children seems incredibly irresponsible to me, and having a smoking parent, let alone both parents, is a key risk factor for children taking up smoking themselves. I thought everyone knew stuff like this? As is drinking over the recommended units of alcohol, being overweight, not taking regular exercise, doing extreme sports, eating a bad diet etc etc. I take it you are an exemplary human in tip top heath who has no vices then OP?

WestieMamma · 05/08/2013 15:56

Blimey OP, how do you manage to walk with your judgey pants hoiked so high? Don't they chaff?

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/08/2013 15:57

the older one is school aged - and has already done a year of school. If he is capable of understanding it isn't appropriate at school, or in church or whatever, surely he should be able to behave himself in the garden.

Acceptable behaviour varies OP according to the situation. This wouldn't be tolerated at school or in church, but these boys were in their own garden. There is a massive difference.

And just for the record, I do have 2 small boys that I can control perfectly well!

Theprosandcons has it spot on I think.

AmberLeaf · 05/08/2013 15:58

I'd love to live next door to you OP.

Me and my 3 boys would have such fun not being your 'kind of people'

ChippingInHopHopHop · 05/08/2013 15:58

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PiratePanda · 05/08/2013 15:59

It's not boys will be boys though, is it? Little boys find willy waggling hilarious; little girls find other silly and irritating things hilarious (including laughing at little boys waggling their willies). Generally the do it and laugh about it to annoy grown ups.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 05/08/2013 15:59

Pag that was sheer genius Grin

insancerre · 05/08/2013 16:01

I am finding this thread funny, imagining the op wringing her hands and sobbing
"won't somebody think of the chiiildreeen!!!"

What is even funnier is knowing that in a few years time when these boys are teenagers, willywaggling will be the least of the op's worries
op, I think you had better start searching rightmove now

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 16:01

"As for the willy waggling....sigh. You can tell you don't have boys. Little boys think willy waggling is hilarious. I tell my DS aged 3 that his willy is private and he shouldn't show it to anyone else, and if I were the mother of those small boys I would have told them off and told them to apologise. But it is harmless and silly, not at all malicious or sexual. "

That's my stance too. DS would (and does) get told off for this type of behaviour, but it is just normal naughty behaviour for a young child, not sexual or sinister. that is why all the "dial 101" and "OMG he exposed his penis " posts are so ridiculous and also why people are taking the piss.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/08/2013 16:01

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Pagwatch · 05/08/2013 16:02

Why, thank you Chipping

Eyesunderarock · 05/08/2013 16:02

'They're not having wild parties keeping you awake all night'

Not yet, but a time will come when they are 18, 15 and 13 and then the partying may well commence. Have you considered moving to a location without neighbours?
Do you have a partner with an opinion on willy-waggling?
The reason that they don't do it at nursery, school and church is because those are public areas, people would have the right to complain and stop them. Their back garden isn't.

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 16:02

What happened to the no troll hunting rule Hmm

Eyesunderarock · 05/08/2013 16:03

Oh please don't let it be a reverse AIBU,
I truly loathe those with a bitter and eternal hatred. I'd rather a wind-up or a troll than a reverse AIBU.

littlemslazybones · 05/08/2013 16:04

The ability to wave your vulva whilst bouncing on a trampoline probably requires a level of athletic prowess that escapes most 5 year olds.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 16:05

"Not yet, but a time will come when they are 18, 15 and 13 and then the partying may well commence. "

OP's dd will be 13 then too and sneaking around the party with the hot boys next door

babyboomersrock · 05/08/2013 16:05

Would it really be equally ok for a little girl to expose her vulva to someone?

"Er... yes! Unless there is something particularly offensive about a vulva?"

That's not what I meant at all, and I am sorry you misunderstood.

There is nothing offensive about penises or vulva. I'm saying that taking down clothing to expose them to other children is - at least - rude.

I suspect that most of the posters who're being terribly jolly about willy-waving might not be so thrilled if their daughter exposed her vulva, that's all. The whole "boys will be boys" argument rather underlines that.

Boys, it seems, can be as silly/rude/suggestive as they like, and they're just being boys. Penises are hilarious toys. And then we wonder why so many boys grow into the laddish, infantile men we see on the Relationships board.

Eyesunderarock · 05/08/2013 16:05

'As is drinking over the recommended units of alcohol, being overweight, not taking regular exercise, doing extreme sports, eating a bad diet etc etc. I take it you are an exemplary human in tip top heath who has no vices then OP?'

No, that's me. Grin

insancerre · 05/08/2013 16:05

Grin at littlemslazybones

Maryz · 05/08/2013 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 16:06

Peterparkersays I don't think the issue is that they might have hurt each other with a stone - the issue is that one landed within a foot of my sleeping newborn. It could have taken her eye out! If the other mother wants to let her kids go ferral and lob stones at each other, I couldn't really care less - that's her look out, surely?

I did invite them over - I had them for drink and bbq soon after they moved in. They smoked on our patio without asking :( they trashed my daughter's bedroom and broke several toys (ok, it does happen I know) and their middle child - the 5 year old, not the 3 year old - hit my daughter because she was playing with his toy.

This is what I meant when I said they weren't our kind of people - nothing bad by it - we just didn't get on. I suppose I had been hoping for another mother who would like to pop over for a glass of wine and a natter...

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 05/08/2013 16:06

Really, get a grip.

They're 3 and 5. They find willies and bottoms and poop and farts hilarious. Yes, it would be innapropriate in school, but they're not in school. They're playing in their own back garden. They can do whatever they want. They're kids. They're not "exposing themselves". Hmm

Yes, the stone throwing was bad, but the mum had them apologise. I would be very annoyed if I had a neighbour come over all the time to complain about my kids playing (because that's all they're doing, playing).