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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
maja00 · 05/08/2013 15:22

pigletmania you'd call the POLICE about 3 and 5 year olds waving their willies about? What exactly would you hope to achieve?

bearleftmonkeyright · 05/08/2013 15:23

Imperial, I think we are that family!

sameoldIggi · 05/08/2013 15:23

My 5 year old waves his willy at me regularly. He knows not to so it in school thankfully. And if he did it at a neighbour's child I'd certainly tell him to stop. But you are sounding fairly joyless OP, and you may have a shock to come in terms of what your wee ones get up to in a couple of years.
You lost me at "they were not our sort of people" btw.

FreudiansSlipper · 05/08/2013 15:23

not your sort of people Grin

you do need to get over yourself

ds and his friends are 5 and are always stripping off in the garden its great that they are not worried what others think at this age and i have neighbours who are my sort of people

MrsSippy · 05/08/2013 15:24

Boys and their willies - they are so proud of them!!

I wouldn't complain about every little thing, you need to pick your battles so that you are still listened to, if you become the 'mad 'un' next door who moans about everything, next time there is a more serious problem (like the stone throwing) you might not get the apology.

I also think if you phone 101 and say a 3 yo has his willy out in his own back garden, they will hardly alert the flying squad!

PlatinumStart · 05/08/2013 15:24

YABU - I misread the op and thought originally you meant the older child was engaged in willy waving which I'd agree would be a bit too much. But 5? They really are kids. What do you want her to do?

LadyintheRadiator · 05/08/2013 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frogwatcher42 · 05/08/2013 15:25

The smoking thing would annoy me most. They could go out the front and smoke amongst the car fumes - that would be better.

I can't believe that anybody would be happy with a lot of second hand smoke being blown into their house and patio for a large percentage of the day. I don't know what I would do about this apart from seeing if there is a law of nuisance against it.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 15:25

He is also goin g through a phase of thinking it's hilarious to waggle his willy at myself and his siblings. he does go on the step though for being rude if he ignores the warnings to put it away!

So yabu for thinking it's odd or perverted behaviour for a 5 year old to do, be yanbu to think his parent should do something about it.

As for the other things-

You seem to.have appointed yourself as some sort or barometer for acceptable behavior. They are your neighbours, you are not their gaurdian

^ What MrsKR said.

ilovesooty · 05/08/2013 15:25

You lost me at "they were not our sort of people" btw

I'm afraid I felt the same and agree with most of the posts above.

VelvetSpoon · 05/08/2013 15:26

I'd far rather live next to that family than my current neighbours, who have broken my fence (and not repaired it), whose 3 children (all under 5) do nothing but whinge and cry all day long - and its attention seeking crying, not being hurt or upset. Oh, and they overfill their bin so when it falls out/ gets ripped apart by foxes, my garden ends up full of their shitty nappies and food detritus.

The OPs neighbours sound fantastic in comparison!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/08/2013 15:26

5 and 3? That's TINY OP! Grin at a toddler and a reception aged kid flashing! They were just being silly.

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:28

The previous neighbours were a very elderly couple - the husband died 2 years ago and his wife has just gone into residential care. They seemed to find us very difficult and would complain about the noise of my baby crying etc. We kicked a ball over the fence once and went and rang the bell to ask for it back (as we didn't want to just climb over the fence) and got told it wasn't convenient to give it back that day. We later got told that they weren't keen on children and had a standard policy of keeping all balls etc for a week to disencourage the children playing.

However, to keep the peace, I would always apologise and be polite, and we stopped using balls in the garden. I felt they were difficult enigwhbours, but I could appreciate they were very old and finding it hard to cope. So I bit my tongue.

DH and I used to joke that we couldn't possibly get worse neighbours! These are much, much worse though.

I appreciate that small boys might think it is fun to show my DD their willy - but I think the mother should have punished them for behaving like this - not told me off!!

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/08/2013 15:29

If they really were in public and not just playing on a beach then you might have a point about the nakedness OP, as they were in your garden then YABU. Little boys up to at least age 8 (and i'm sure as my ds's grow i'll find out that it lasts way beyond 8 ) find their willies hilarious - they will struggle to understand why your dd doesn't too!

I'd have been a bit miffed about the stone incident but their mum made them apologise, so that's been dealt with.

The smoking sounds like a pita, but not a lot you can do about it I'm afraid.

This sounds like a case of a mum to 2 young girls not seeing eye to eye with the mum of 3 slightly older boys.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 15:29

As for what would happen if they did it in school? At 5, yes they would be told they shouldn't do it and to put it away but they wouldn't be in "huge trouble" Hmm

The language you are using "exposed their penises" makes it sound they you afre talking about maybe teenage boys that would certainly know better and were doing it for sexual purposes rather than because willys are wiggly and funny.

fattymuatty · 05/08/2013 15:30

Ds is six and he willy waggles on the trampoline. He doesn't do it at anyone he just finds it amusing. The same way he finds talking about bums and farts amusing. I thought it was just a little boy thing? If a neighbour came over and complained though I would tell him stop for the sake of neighbourly relations.

Branleuse · 05/08/2013 15:30

they smoke in their garden rather than their house. This is what smokers are supposed to do. Get over it.

Their small prepubescent children are sometimes naked in their own garden. This is OK. Get over it.

The stones thing is naughty though. Im glad they apologised.

Eyesunderarock · 05/08/2013 15:30

'because willys are wiggly and funny.'

And doing something rude that annoys an adult who can't do anything to stop you is even funnier.

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee · 05/08/2013 15:31

You totally lost me at "our sort of people" tbh

Be thankful it was just willy waving. Wait until they try and stretch it over their heads, you will probably wear your pearls out Grin

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 15:31

"makes it sound like you are talking about maybe teenage boys" gthat should say.

FurryDogMother · 05/08/2013 15:32

I remember having a willy waved at me when I was around 3 - it belonged to my best friend Ian (who I used to make sit on my pedal car bonnet and then drove it into walls). It didn't scar me for life - I simply asked my Mum 'why has Ian got a handle on his bottom?'. I think your DD will be OK. Your neighbours sound like fun to me, TBH.

Maryz · 05/08/2013 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stillenacht · 05/08/2013 15:32

My DS (nearly 10) got stark naked on Tenby beach last week. Mind you a lot of his pals do that too, they and he have autism. Perhaps this little boy also has some form of sensory processing disorder or even mild autism.

HeySoulSister · 05/08/2013 15:32

Lol at calling the police.... That's hilarious!!

maja00 · 05/08/2013 15:33

The mother was probably sick of you whinging at her constantly!