Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 16:08

Wow Thank you babyboomersrock

At last, another sane person on the thread!

I would be mortified if my child behaved like this, and no, they would never be allowed to do this at school!

OP posts:
5madthings · 05/08/2013 16:09

Well my daughter is regularly naked, its her fave state to be in, esp when on the trampoline, its not an issue little kids like to be naked.

Op smoking in your garden without asking was not good, kids making a mess and even then hitting tho not OK is also fairly normal, I would tell mine off for hitting and they would be supervised/kept an eye on s the ddint trash any bedrooms.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 16:09

I'm crying laughing at littlemslazybones Grin

It's so true though! It's exactly the reason a little girl wouldn't do it while boys do. It's too difficult.

magimedi · 05/08/2013 16:10

Silence them with your enormous bush.

Pag - YOMANK!! I was drinking tea!

(You Owe Me A New Keyboard)

KellyElly · 05/08/2013 16:10

The ability to wave your vulva whilst bouncing on a trampoline probably requires a level of athletic prowess that escapes most 5 year olds. Grin

Maryz · 05/08/2013 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bearleftmonkeyright · 05/08/2013 16:11

Well I have one girl and two boys and gone through flashing their bits with all three of them. The idea that a naked five year old bouncing around on a trampolune, laughing at his bouncing willy means that they are going to grow up into infantile men is just bloody bonkers. Maybe telling them off about it could have the same affect. Has there been s study done on it?

lunar1 · 05/08/2013 16:11

Are you implying that there is something sexual about the behaviour of a five year old boy? if your not i cant really see the problem. and if you are then i think you need help. My boys are very well behaved but occasionally a bout of sillyness creeps in. that is normal for child development and not sign of anything else.

why didnt you just say put them away boys and move on. im guessing your neighbours thing they have moved in next to a right grumpy sod.

PeterParkerSays · 05/08/2013 16:11

JenniBoo - the issue, from the perspective of their mother, is not that the stone nearly hit your newborn. From her perspective, the issue is likely to have been that they were throwing stones at all, and would not be something she'd taker up with the kids in your earshot. The issue that the stone nearly hit the newborn is your issue, not her's.

Invite the kids back, keep them in the garden, and only have specific toys available.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 16:12

Oh God Kelly , it really should be quote of the week shouldn't it? Grin

poppygolucky · 05/08/2013 16:12

OP: aibu?
Rest of posters bar one: yabu.
OP: only one sane person on this thread.

Hahaaahaaa. I love MN.

poppygolucky · 05/08/2013 16:13

X-post maryz

HRHLadyG · 05/08/2013 16:13

I would feel exactly as you do about both the smoking which has been proven to be harmful, and its offensive that they don't care about your concerns at all, and the behaviour of the children.
The 8Yr old boy should have been taught better but clearly hasn't especially as he is deliberately trying to make your daughter feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, they are your neighbours and you don't want to run the risk of aggravating them as you may end up with worse. You probably need to accept that you can't change the way they act but the way you react. Give them a wide birth, smile politely.....and discreetly close your windows when they smoke! x

PiratePanda · 05/08/2013 16:14

You really don't think you're unreasonable, do you? You think you're totally justified and wanted to come on here to feel validated in your judgmentalism. Frankly, I don't even know why you bothered starting the thread or why any of us have bothered replying.

You should have gathered by now that it is YOU who needs to leave your neighbours alone - not the other way round.

KellyElly · 05/08/2013 16:14

I suppose I had been hoping for another mother who would like to pop over for a glass of wine and a natter... Drinking wine whilst being in charge of children. Shocking OP. I hope you would plan to keep within the daily recommended unit intake as that would be a terrible example to the children Grin

5madthings · 05/08/2013 16:14

My two year is pretty good at exposing herself tbh, on her back, legs in the air etc anyone in eyeshot gets an interesting view! Men she is a toddler and is not wanting to wear a nappy its no big deal.

Xihha · 05/08/2013 16:14

Oh dear OP, little boys like wiggling their willies around, I have no idea why but most boys feel its hilarious, I have 5 brothers and they have all done well at school and grown into perfectly respectable members of society, but I can still remember many occasions where they had to be told to put their willies away when they were little.

Just because the mother told you to get over yourself doesn't mean she didn't then go have a chat with the boys about willies being private, she doesn't have to discipline them in front of you. You sound rather over sensitive.

as for Would it really be equally ok for a little girl to expose her vulva to someone? at that age in her own garden yeah I don't see why not, although vulvas don't wiggle when you bounce on the trampoline so she probably wouldn't have half as much fun as a little boy does.

maja00 · 05/08/2013 16:14

I suspect that most of the posters who're being terribly jolly about willy-waving might not be so thrilled if their daughter exposed her vulva, that's all. The whole "boys will be boys" argument rather underlines that.

That's a very strange view babyboomers Confused I think most people would accept that male or female, being silly and naked in their own back garden is not a big deal. Yes, a quiet word about not wiggling your vulva at the neighbours might be in order, but punishments and calling the police? Don't think so.

5madthings · 05/08/2013 16:15

hrh the eight year old wasn't naked, the little two were but an eight year old naked in their own garden is also OK, my eight year old was naked in the paddling pool recently.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 05/08/2013 16:16

They smoked, on your patio without asking??? Gosh. Really.

WTF did you expect smokers to do? Go home? Light up in your front room?

Floralnomad · 05/08/2013 16:16

hrh the 8 yr old wasn't involved with the willy waving it was the 5&3 yr olds .

HeySoulSister · 05/08/2013 16:16

Op, why are you letting your dd stare? I assume you are out in the garden supervising her?

ilovesooty · 05/08/2013 16:16

I wonder why the OP didn't give us the information about the behaviour when she invited them over earlier on the thread. Dripfeeding.

bearleftmonkeyright · 05/08/2013 16:17

I do find it funny that there is one person who thinks yanbu and then that's it. You were right all along and insulted every other mother on here with a view slightly different to yours. Off now to think about how I parent my unruly boys.

bonkersLFDT20 · 05/08/2013 16:17

If my 4 YO son deliberately waved his willy and laughed in front of anyone I would come down hard on him. Playing naked is fine, playing with his willy is fine, taunting other people with it is NOT. I am quite sure a 5 YO knows this, though the 3YO is still young and was probably just copying his brother.

Likewise I would come down hard on him if he threw stones over the fence.

Swipe left for the next trending thread