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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 05/08/2013 15:44

Unless you all have very badly small boys that you can't control?

Yes Op. Your girls are obviously made of sugar and spice and all things nice whereas all our boys are made of rats and snails and puppy dogs tails.

Maryz · 05/08/2013 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maja00 · 05/08/2013 15:45

JenniBoo, you sound like a nightmare neighbour if I'm honest. If you knocked on my door to complain about my 3 year old flashing his willy, I wouldn't be disciplining him in front of you anyway - especially as you didn't appreciate the mother making her kids apologise last time! I'd have a quiet word with him about not waving his willy over the fence, but it's not something that needs punishing.

If you'd already been round to complain about loads of trivial things, I'd probably do my best to ignore you.

bearleftmonkeyright · 05/08/2013 15:45

They are not your kids op! Your parenting styles and standards do not apply. And can we leave it with the phrase "little shits"

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 15:45

It really isn't weird at that age olidus. Their genitals are very obvious and accessible, very stretchy and funny, and waggling them at a shocked neighbour (although very cheeky) is hilarious to them. But they are small children, it is not sexual at all, so not weird.

Girls tend not to notice their bits as much being more neatly tucked away (and not being waggly on a trampoline)

Original poster

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:46

KellyEllly I would prefer they smoked in their house rather than beneath my windows. However, given free choice, I would prefer they gave up! Smoking when you are the parents of young children seems incredibly irresponsible to me, and having a smoking parent, let alone both parents, is a key risk factor for children taking up smoking themselves. I thought everyone knew stuff like this?

However, I think if you want to do something as antisocial as smoke, you should at least make sure you don't inconvenience other families. I especially don't want to smell smoke in my newborn's bedroom. What decent mother would?

OP posts:

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 15:47

As foralling 3 and 5 year old small children little shits, well that says more about the person saying it really, doesn't it?

Floralnomad · 05/08/2013 15:47

Yes you are over thinking it ,small boys ( including 5 yr olds) think willies are funny ,just tell your daughter to ignore them . TBH your neighbours probably think you're a pain and why should she tell her children off just to appease your sensibilities .

PeterParkerSays · 05/08/2013 15:47

My gut reaction on the trampoline thing would be that the little one is copying his big brother who thinks it's hysterical to get his little brother to do daft things.

A cheery "put them away boys" and telling your DD to turn her back and ignore them when they're being silly like this, should be sufficient.

In terms of the smoke, any chance of putting a fan on the window sill so it blows out of the window, and helps stop the smoke coming into your house?

In terms of the stone throwing thing, they accidentally threw one near your daughter. I would be hauling kids over the coals for throwing stones, but because they could have hurt each other. Get them to say sorry to you, yes, but ultimately the issue is that they could have seriously hurt each other and I'd have had that conversation with them inside, and out of your earshot. The issue isn't that a stone came over the fence, although you're entitled to be unhappy that it has, but that they were throwing them at all.

Your OP states "I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths)" - have you invited them round to play with your DD? Maybe she could play on their trampoline as well, and help reduce the overall silliness?

Maryz · 05/08/2013 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babyboomersrock · 05/08/2013 15:48

Why is everyone being so horrible? Would you really want to live next to that family?

No, I wouldn't. As for the idea (yet again...sigh) that "boys are boys" and must therefore be allowed to wave their willies at people - I despair. Would it really be equally ok for a little girl to expose her vulva to someone? We're not talking about children running around naked in their own garden - in the 70s, most children, including mine, did that - these little boys are being allowed to expose themselves to a little girl.

I'll bet the boys aren't allowed to behave like that at nursery or school - why would that be?

And yes, I have three sons.

gamerchick · 05/08/2013 15:49

Oh get a grip! Smoking in the house when you have kids is not preferable, they are perfectly entitled to smoke in their own garden.

It's none of your business.

ilovesooty · 05/08/2013 15:49

I suspect that was only when the OP thought they were going to be her kind of people.

Pagwatch · 05/08/2013 15:49

JenniBoo

My two sons are beautifully behaved actually and have grown into fine young men . Ds1 never got lower than an A in his exams, rode across Europe for charity aged 17 and is now studying English at university. He is also studying Italian. In his spare time he volunteers at a disability charity. In April he ran the London marathon for The National Autistic Society.

Being a bit sneery about anyone who thought you were over reacting has provided yet another indicator that you really do judge anyone on the basis of anything that sits outside your rather tight rules for what constitutes 'your kind of people'.

A five year old waggling his willy is evidence of nothing other than the peculiar sense of humour of 5 year old boys.

IsabelleRinging · 05/08/2013 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

maja00 · 05/08/2013 15:50

Would it really be equally ok for a little girl to expose her vulva to someone?

Er... yes! Unless there is something particularly offensive about a vulva?

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 15:51

Yy babyboomers. Just because a penis is more accessible and "stretchy" doesn't mean it's ok to waggle it in someone's face. Being egged on by your brothers laughing isn't ok either. Why were they doing it? To wind the OP's daughter up. Why else? That isn't ok and they should know that.

PiratePanda · 05/08/2013 15:51

Oh dear. OP, this is meant affectionately: YABU. They are doing the right thing by smoking on the porch rather than inside their house (and there's nothing you can do about it), and the stone throwing they apologised about.

As for the willy waggling....sigh. You can tell you don't have boys. Little boys think willy waggling is hilarious. I tell my DS aged 3 that his willy is private and he shouldn't show it to anyone else, and if I were the mother of those small boys I would have told them off and told them to apologise. But it is harmless and silly, not at all malicious or sexual. Affectionately: here's a grip.

And FWIW my DS is a very well behaved little boy with excellent manners. He is also 3 and thus prone to jokes and silliness. And let's face it ladies: willies ARE hilarious.

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee · 05/08/2013 15:51

OP you are revealing more about yourself with every post.

Have yo ever considered the possibility that it is infact you who is the problem neighbour? Just a thought.....

Pagwatch · 05/08/2013 15:51

Actually I can't believe I posted that in response to such a pile of shite OP.

Someone speak sternly to me.

(Although the bush line was pretty funny)

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 15:52

If they were actually waggling their willies in the ops face then i suggest she stand further back

5madthings · 05/08/2013 15:52

Other than the stone throwing I dotn see the issue, they are smoking in their garden which is fine, it might be nice if they moved away from the door but they are outside.

Naked in the garden...looks outside at naked five year old boy and naked two year old girl on the trampoline....not an issue tho I would tell my boys to cut it out if they were purposefully wavign their willies at people.

The stone throwing is not OK at all.

And I can't abide a 'boys will be boys' attitude but they do sound like fairly normal children.

IsabelleRinging · 05/08/2013 15:52

YANBU about the smoking though. Smoking outside is just as horrible as inside if affects other people.

Maryz · 05/08/2013 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maja00 · 05/08/2013 15:53

If you don't want smoke wafting through your baby's window, may I suggest... shutting the window.

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