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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 11/08/2013 11:51

And if her husband's response to the latest problem was that they should move, he seemingly doesn't care enough about her to invest time and effort in helping her to develop her coping strategies. She doesn't matter much more than one of his material possessions by the sound of it. Six figures and good
head don't equal a man who cares about his wife or family enough to work hard on the emotional bond.

BuntCadger · 11/08/2013 12:52

I have boys of 13 and 5 and a girl of 21 months. My eldest laughed a lot when I read OP out to him, my 5 year olds fav toy is his willy, and has popped it out at school, like many of the other boys there. Actually I recall wearing no knickers to infant school and flashing my bum to everyone! I'm fairly surely daughter would waggle a willy if she had one, as it is she makes a beeline to grab her 5 yr old brothers in the bath.

The smoking issue, I'm an ex smoker and hate the smell now and our neighbours smoke so we sometimes get it wafting in, it's life. We close windows and vents on that side. Prefer the smoke outside then indoors with their kids.

The stones been thrown, sounds like it was dealt with.

However as I don't really truly believe this thread is genuine I'll leave it there :)

jacks365 · 11/08/2013 14:32

Hate to break it to you but detached houses still have attached gardens so the stone incident and the trampoline can still happen. Near us you're better off with one of the bigger terraced houses than the detached as the gardens for the detached are so small the kids run riot on the streets instead. They are so cramped in that you'd still get the cigarette smoke too. You could try a remote farm house that should suit.

YouTheCat · 11/08/2013 14:41

I did suggest this

JenniBoo · 11/08/2013 15:43

I love it youthecat however it is the wrong side of Scotland for us and a bit out of our price bracket.

Jacks thanks that is a good point - but we're not thinking "detached" in the whimpey home sort of way, where there is a metre between the properties and adjoining gardens. We're looking at substantial houses. The one we saw yesterday was bordered by woodland to one side and fields to the other. It was lovely Grin

ilovesooty of course I have mental health ishoos and am unhappy - why else would I be posting on netmums? Confused

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 11/08/2013 15:44

buntcadger you bathe your children together? Is that entirely appropriate?

OP posts:
mummy1973 · 11/08/2013 16:06

ha...this has had me gripped and amused for days.

cjel · 11/08/2013 16:22

still no answer to how you visited house in Scotland in an afternoon?

Spottypurse · 11/08/2013 16:25

Can I just point out that if you think you're posting on netmums, you're in the wrong place?

YouTheCat · 11/08/2013 16:41

Save up. You'd never have neighbour problems ever again, unless you don't like seals and sea birds.

5madthings · 11/08/2013 16:47

why would siblings bathing together be an issue jenniboo?

mine are 13, 11, 8, 5 and 2 my eldest showers/baths on his own tho often ends up with dd in the bathroom chatting to him. the others often bath together. they all see each other and us (dp and myself) naked ans vice versa, its not an issue.

FrussoHathorAKADaisythecow · 11/08/2013 16:53

why else would I be posting on netmums?

FrussoHathorAKADaisythecow · 11/08/2013 16:54

Grin no wonder you didn't get the response you were after hun, you're on the wrong site. Xxxx

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 11/08/2013 16:56

Cjel, OP hasn't stated where she lives, other that that she's in a city. Looking at properties in Perthshire suggests that city could be Edinburgh or Dundee, both an easy afternoon drive away. Even Aberdeen would be do-able.

YouTheCat · 11/08/2013 16:57

That is gold. Grin

I know it's just the same letters in a different order but it makes so much difference.

JenniBoo · 11/08/2013 18:15

Cjel er.. because we started in Scotland in the first place... obviously...

Oh dear, I've got the NM and MN muddled up again. I know that's very naughty. I have always enjoyed how the regulars on each site feel they are so very different Confused

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 11/08/2013 19:17

So have both of them highleted the inadequacy of your husband?

OnTheNingNangNong · 11/08/2013 19:26

Ha. Netmums. This thread is pure gold.

ilovesooty · 11/08/2013 19:30

As I said the OP is deserving of our pity. She has a rich husband but no strategies to sort out her mental health issues.

JenniBoo · 11/08/2013 20:01

Ahh.. that explains the extreme reactions here. My friend suggested that one of them was more suited to me. She recommended the one which is disproportionately full of mothers moaning about mothers losing their child benefit, who all wear Boden and covet a boot room and an AGA (even though they haven't baked a cookie EVER) - oh and think anal sex is not only ever so daring for a Friday night, but will also stop their husband straying - but that you should probably dump him anyway for any misdemeanor, however minor.

She said the other one was full of people moaning about benefit cheats and discussing what was on offer in Home Bargains and how to feed a family of 5 on a tin of baked beans and a loaf of bread for a week.

So I was meant to be going to the first one - even though I have to say I have never been keen on Boden. Anyway, I assume I'm in the wrong place? So terribly sorry - I have to say I do quite like a cheeky sneak into Home Bargains - it's great for filling party bags.

Does anyone know the address for the other parenting forum then?

OP posts:
HenWithAttitude · 11/08/2013 20:02

What a fabulous read this was Grin

BuntCadger · 11/08/2013 21:20

Nothing wrong with a 5 year old ad an almost 2 year old sharing a bath, but I would question the thoughts and meaning of a person who does see an issue with it.

JenniBoo · 11/08/2013 21:29

Is it a money issue Bunt Economising is good when you have small children, and I can see that it makes sense from that point of view.
I'm sorry - it was rather rude of me to push the issue.

OP posts:
BuntCadger · 11/08/2013 21:32

No it's not a money issue, handy time wise tho. They enjoy each others company. Do you bath your dd separately then? Odd if you do

cjel · 11/08/2013 21:33

My dh earned shed loads of money and we had an enormous bath that we used to put 4dgcs in at the same time - it was fun Jenni ever heard of it for children?!!!!