to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

[JenniBoo]

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

dollyps That's a bit unfair on my DH. I never said he didn't care for his children. He is a brilliant father. He loves them to pieces - he just doesn't like dealing with poo, piss or puke - that includes his and mine, as well as their's. However, he is a great provider, works all hours to put a roof over our heads and is very attentive to my orgasms.

Omg I just weed a bit.

Pass the Tena someone.

there's always one - isn't there

So he's a good shag and he has a lot of money. Whatever floats your boat. He doesn't sound like much of a father.

Who was babysitting, OP?

Another neighbour's daughter Sanity I get on really well with all the rest.

Ilovesooty Miaow

But yeah, you're right... men who earn six figures and give decent head are ten a penny ;-)

So I slip off my L K Bennett slingbacks

honestly, who even talks like that?!

Liz Jones does.

Or Eddie Monsoon.

OP are you Jennifer Saunders?

Don't be so tetchy winter I was simply indicating that I was wearing dainty going-out-shoes, not DMs and there was no need to ask me to take them off.

Am sure my slingbacks were cleaner than their carpet. In all honesty, I am sure it would have been more fitting for them to take the carpet up so I could walk over in my shoes... but lets not sweat the petty stuff...

Wow, you sound so lovely, OP. I bet we all wish we could be your new NDN, although, I doubt many of us would prove worthy of your posh nibbles.

I doubt I'd be a contender. I swear a lot, find toilet humour hilarious and get my trainers from TKMaxx children's section (wonderfully small feet, no VAT for me).

I thought L K Bennett was a character in Pride and Prejudice.

Grunt I would love a nextdoorneighbour called Grunt. It is my dream. Well, my dream after buying a detached property on its own land, preferably with an orchard and a stable.

However, you are very welcome to come over for coffee and buns or Pimms and nibbles... no enemies, just friends I haven't made yet... do you think MaryZ will come too... I do like her quite a lot?

See! See! I told you I'd not be a contender.

Jenni, I'm a bit of a zoopla nut. There is a Scottish Island going for 3 million.

Tetchy?! I'm not the one who is bothered by a three year old's willie...

I shop in Lidl, Aldi and Asda and there isn't a Waitrose for about 50 miles(!), that's how deprived the area I live in is (

Waitrose what's that. Oh that's the shop with a lot of overpriced stuff in it I find and rude staff. Well in my area it is.

I stand corrected on that book though.

Also sorry smalls are going to puke and pee and shit. Fathers need to do there bit too regardless this isn't the 1950,s you know. It's like fathers babysit when it's their kid. They don't babysit they are being a parent.

Oh and when going rural there are wild life out there and cows, bulls, sheep and well out there it is a lot noisier not quieter I should know I am rural oh and the sex ed lessons for the kids now that is fun.

Liz Jones is my guess!

I'm just disappointed it's not Jennifer Saunders being Eddie.

I would laugh at the willy-waggling....much as I am laughing at the idea of you going next door and asking their Mum to get them to put their willies away.
Why does this always descend into Mums of girls vs Mums of boys? My boys are normal....can be angelic, can be monkeys....but I would absolutely let them bounce on thd trampoline naked, and willy waggle, not because I can't control them but because they are little and this is not in any way sexual. Honestly this is ridiculous. (I'd let my DD play naked too fwiw)
The smoking is annoying but it's their garden.
The stone throwing seems like an accident-they said sorry.
You are not the parenting police. You do sound like a not very nice neighbour though.

OP, yes YABU. Very unreasonable.

Your children are a) girls and b) very young. See if your view changes in a couple of years. Mine are 4.5 and 2. I am rarely in the garden with them. In fact sending them charging out to the garden to let of steam is one of the only ways I get peace to cook dinner and do chores. Your neighbour is hardly letting them 'run wild' by not supervising them in their own garden.

Kids need somewhere to blow of steam. Mine are very well behaved at nursery, school, church, playgroup etc but they fight and 'run wild' at home. Everyone needs a release, better it's at home in their own garden than anywhere else. when they were 3 and 6m they weren't out without me, but that changed and will change for you.

Both my children love being naked in the garden. My daughter has nothing to waggle, my son does, and his favourite game is chasing his big sister with his willy. It's what kids do. A 5 year old isn't exposing himself to your daughter with any more intent than if he were to stick his tongue out. It's funny - cheeky, certainly - but hardly a measure of the mother's parenting. But now that the 2 little ones have got a reaction they'll be sure to do it more. Of course the big one doesn't do it at school, but he's NOT at school, he's in his own garden.

Yes, smoking isn't nice, but that's up to them. It's their house/garden, where they smoke is up to them. You need to shut your window and accept that having neighbours has pros and cons.

Re stone-throwing. Their intention wasn't to hurt your baby. They know not to throw stones, but they are small children and if children always did what you tell them then parenting would be a piece of cake. They get carried away, push boundaries, do silly spontaneous things, yours will too. If mine were throwing stones I'd tell them not to, which the mother did. And I'd have a quiet word later about why it's dangerous and that would be that. I'm not sure what else you wanted her to do? bake a cake to say sorry? beat them black and blue?

Sorry it's not what you want to hear, it's very easy to have all the answers when its not your kids. I think planting a screen or moving to somewhere with no immediate neighbours would be a good idea!

to be honest I have 2 boys and a girl 10, 7 and 4. Your post is typical of a mother of girls and especially young ones. If you had boys you would see this differently as boys are high energy and totally differnt to girls in their play. he mother should be correcting them but it is not up to you and sometimes making a big deal out of things just makes things worse. To some extent she is right boys will be boys. You need to lighten up and realise that whilst how you raise your children is up to you you can not stick your nose into how other people raise theirs. I can understand that the smoking would be annoying but they aren't doing anything wrong and you are being very judgemental and superior.

Oh and yes a 5 year old getting his willy out in school would get into a lot of trouble and what starts as an innocent child playing would be made to feel like he had done something terrible, that doesn't mean the school would be right though and often this is the result of teachers who don't have children doing the discipline. I know I am a mother and a teacher and I frequently have to be the diplomat between parents and childless teachers (you should hear the childless teachers talking about the parents in the staff room )! Of course they are all going to be perfect parents. I recently said to a year 6 teacher who is not very good with sen kids that he might have a child with sen one day and he said in horror, 'my children will be clever'!

yup - parenting is parenting, and you get to deal with whatever hand you've been dealt, and if you're no good at it, or it's not what you expected.. welll that's tough titties....

However, there's always some moaning bugger who thinks that their particular hand is SO FUCKING TERRIBLE that everyone else in the world can't possibly understand how UNBEARABLY HARD THEIR LIFE IS and that we should all be making allowances FOR THEM because our lives are so easy....

OMG! I have 3 active little boys SHRIEK. How TERRIBLE!

yada yada... never read the Daily Mail? Would that woman say that too?

The aibu is sorted though.. it was firmly decided I was, and on learning that this is normal behaviour for all prospective neighbours, DH finally agreed to let us move - yay! So we are looking at detached houses, where we won't have to breathe in other people's cigarette smoke on our patio

Thank you Mumsnet. You are the best.

Oh dear Jenniboo, you do sound bitter. I didn't read anybody complain about how terrible their life was (apart from you having to live next door to very small children who waggle their willies and throw an occasional stone!), especially not any mums of 3 boys. Boisterous, high energy, slightly crazy - yes! but definitely not terrible.

I hope your detached house brings you much happiness. Can't help wondering how you'll manage when your girls start school and have to mix with other children, some of who may not be 'your type of people'. I live in a detached house. We still hear the neighbours from time to time and I bite my tongue about their lack of gardening and their bushes damaging the boundary wall. So I'm sure you'll have something to complain about regardless of where you live!

I agree that the OP sounds bitter and unhappy. She runs away from problems in the mistaken belief that you can throw money at anything to make it better. She even pursued that tactic when she visited the neighbours on Friday. She couldn't just take a tray of ordinary nibbles: she had to show off by making posh ones in order to reinforce her perceived superiority. She married well and was able to give up work allowing her plenty of time to indulge her anxiety and neuroses. She is raising children protected from any remotely challenging experience.
Most of all, she managed to land a man who earns six figures and is good in bed. However that man is incapable of being a proper father. He works away a lot and only finds his children acceptable when they're sanitised. That's nothing to do with proper fatherhood.
I'm beginning to feel that the OP is deserving of our pity. There are many things money can't buy, such as emotional fulfilment, self awareness, genuine warmth and a grounded undersunderstanding of family life to enable her children's full potential. Sadly for her, nor only will she never have those things but she's unaware that she lacks them.