Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 10/08/2013 18:24

So no discussion about the actual concerns took place? Disappointing.

ouryve · 10/08/2013 18:25

There must be a time warp built into the 1973 carpet.

Spottypurse · 10/08/2013 18:35

I must have lost the ability to read English because my brain cannot make it make any sense of your last post JenniBoo. None at all whatsoever. My bad.

BendyBusBuggy · 10/08/2013 18:59

JennieBoo, I'm sorry you had such a rubbish evening.

i don't think a lot of people would think locking DCs into their bedrooms is a good idea.

FWIW here is my view:

I would very much like my DC (i have 3: a 7yo DS and 6yo DTs) to be well behaved children. I don't want them to be inconsiderate and to make other people feel bad e.g. by being rude. When they are, I tell them exactly that. I cannot make them stop though as they are individuals who are learning about being social beings - they sometimes get it wrong. As a grown-up I could probably put them in their place quite easily, but I think there is a line to be walked as I absolutely don't want blind obedience. I am German and you can look at recent history to work out what this could lead to. I also think especially with DDs (one of my DTs is a girl) it is good if they know what they want and know how to say no. It all depends on the circumstances of course, but they are still learning all of this so often sometimes get it wrong. It's often difficult, but I suppose parenting is. (And I do often sometimes get very a little cross)

As for the willy waggling - my younger DS thinks it's hilarious. But so does my DD (in her brother obv.) - as well as farting, talking about wee and boobies. I get very embarrassed and tell them so, but I wouldn't punish as I really do want them to have a "normal" relationship with their body and not to think there is anything wrong with, well, having one. I genuinely believe this is a phase - my older one laughs at his siblings but never makes any such jokes himself.

The stone throwing wasn't nice. When thinking of how I would react, I think I would tell my children off in front of someone else and tell them I was disappointed, but not punish them unless it was a very close friend who was present.

Good luck with your house hunt.

YouTheCat · 10/08/2013 19:11

Why do I have the song 'Fantasy Island' running through my head? Grin

FrussoHathorAKADaisythecow · 10/08/2013 19:18

jenniboo I think your neighbour must be a MNer and was thoroughly taking the piss.
Grin

livinginwonderland · 10/08/2013 19:45

it gets better and better.

JenniBoo · 10/08/2013 19:58

Sorry youthecat - we left at 11. I was fantasing that we would have left at 10 Blush obviously.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 10/08/2013 20:03

Yeah right. You type out a long and elaborate post but get the time wrong? Hmm

JenniBoo · 10/08/2013 20:03

Thank you neunundneunzigluftballons I have previously been described by a member of MN-Royalty as the hostess with the mostess, which was very nice too.

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 10/08/2013 20:05

Sorry ilovesooty! I thought that was your advice - not to mention the war and all that!

Anyway, seems pretty clear. They think their own children are little shits, throw them out in the garden unsupervised in the day, and lock them in their rooms at night! Hmm

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 10/08/2013 20:09

Thank you Bendy I think the book about locking children in their room at night is a pretty mainstream best seller - however I've never met anyone whose actually admitted it before either!

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 10/08/2013 20:11

Sorry youthecat I speed type at 90 wpm, so it's no trouble at all Grin

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 10/08/2013 20:16

And you don't proof read before you press post?

ilovesooty · 10/08/2013 20:22

II didn't advise anything about the meeting apart from pointing out they might have quite a bit to say to you. I understood you were having it to discuss the difficulties between you. Obviously I was wrong.

FrussoHathorAKADaisythecow · 10/08/2013 20:28

OP I can tell why they were not your sort of people

Fwiw a HV once suggested the locking in room technique to me.

JenniBoo · 10/08/2013 20:33

I suggested the meeting to the Dad when he knocked the door to tell me his wife was upset - I was planning to explain how unacceptable their behaviour was, and to discuss raising the fence... BUT the consensus on here was that that was a bad idea, because their parenting was in the normal range, and I was being unreasonable. So I took all your advice and decided not to mention my concerns, but took nibbles and wine instead. I did say that in advance of going....

I've never met parents who lock their children in their bedroom before! So now I'm even more convinced they are as mad as frogs...

Fruss See - that's why I dont' trust HVs

youthecat No - never. Is that very wrong?

OP posts:
sameoldIggi · 10/08/2013 20:42

So, are you going ahead with the house purchase? Yours isn't on the market yet, is it? That will cause problems in the Scottish system surely.

FrussoHathorAKADaisythecow · 10/08/2013 20:44

OP, I don't trust HVs either, but for much worse reasons other than the locking in bedroom technique suggestion.

Plus it's easy to make mistakes in your typing when you have a new baby.

PaperSeagull · 10/08/2013 20:45

Priceless. Grin

DollyPS · 10/08/2013 21:01

I call bullshit on that book I can't find it and if someone can show me please.

Oh and moving away to rural is only going to make you worse in the long term with anxiety and you be hyper vigilant with your girls and any other children you have along with your husband who sounds such a dream guy that doesn't know or want to know how to care for his own children.

sameoldIggi · 10/08/2013 21:14

Sorry Dolly it does exist - one for sale here: Toddler Taming

Wannabestepfordwife · 10/08/2013 21:21

Wow I have just read the TFT I'm in hysterics op you have managed to out hyacinth, hyacinth!

I would like to issue a word of caution I used to move around all the time thinking my life would be better but it wasn't till I sorted my issues out that I felt comftable and felt like I had a proper home.

Gruntfuttock · 10/08/2013 21:24

Certain things that the OP has said have reminded me of Liz Jones of the Daily Fail, such as "so I slip off my L K Bennett slingbacks". Grin

YouTheCat · 10/08/2013 21:26

I thought that too, Gruntfuttock. (Love your name Grin )

Swipe left for the next trending thread