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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want our baby to have my surname?

237 replies

ellie19812 · 04/08/2013 13:50

Our baby is due in January, we are living together however the idea of marriage does not appeal to me (maybe this will change in the future, I don't know yet).

Anyway, I really want our baby to have my surname, however he and his family have assumed the baby will take on his surname.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Snog · 05/08/2013 19:53

Bowlersarm you seem to want to take offence over nothing!
It matters not to me what your choices are. If you are unhappy with them it is certainly not my intention to have made you unhappy with them.

I do find it bizarre that so many children are given the father's surname because this practice dates back to historical times when women and children were viewed as chattel and things have moved on for women in most other aspects of 21st century life in the UK. We can own property, have jobs and vote but still more often than not give our names away on marriage and do not give our names to our children. Doesn't this strike you as anachronistic?

This is not a personal slur on the choice of any individual as you seem to be taking it! Let's face it you are with the majority in your choices presumably? and it's me who has made a minority choice.

Snog · 05/08/2013 19:55

sonlypuppyfat was it bizarre that women got the vote after hundreds of years of traditionally not being able to vote?

kim147 · 05/08/2013 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snog · 05/08/2013 20:00

Yes, good point kim147 - I certainly find "giving away the bride" to be anachronistic too. It's the whole chattel thing over again.

Needless to say I am not married!

Bowlersarm · 05/08/2013 20:01

Slog I assume your first 'unhappy' should be reading 'happy'.

Ah well I'm going to leave it there. We'll have to agree to disagree. I think in your desire to get your feminist viewpoint across you have the potential to upset, well, women. Ironic, huh.

sonlypuppyfat · 05/08/2013 20:01

You all really soung hard done by the male race.

kim147 · 05/08/2013 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kim147 · 05/08/2013 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonlypuppyfat · 05/08/2013 20:06

I ring church bells when I ring her in is that something sinister too then

Snog · 05/08/2013 20:08

Bowlersarm no I meant unhappy - there is no mistake in my posting. Why would you be upset at my posts? I am just questioning the status quo, why are you so upset by that?

And sonlypuppyfat where do you get that anyone feels"hard done by the male race"? Where did anyone imply that, and what did you mean by it?

There is no "male race" - its the human race we are talking about here.

Snog · 05/08/2013 20:17

kim147 my dd has given a bridesmaid's speech twice now Grin

kim147 · 05/08/2013 20:19

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kim147 · 05/08/2013 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 05/08/2013 20:24

'The male race'?

Hmm

You seriously don't believe men are part of the human race and others are the ones you think are being sexist?

HoikyPoiky · 05/08/2013 20:25

Double barrelled is ok. (But can be unwieldy and can sometimes sound a bit silly Sad )

One of the surnames as a middle name is Ok

A new family name is OK

The only problem with a DC just having the mothers name and not the fathers is that most people will think that the child is NOT the fathers child.

Its a sexiest but just how things are. Confused. This is less likely o happen if the hold has the fathers name but could still happen.

Bowlersarm · 05/08/2013 20:44

I'm not upset. What makes you think that? And yes I know you meant unhappy. But you aren't correct. You're just trying to be combatative.

Bowlersarm · 05/08/2013 20:45

......combative.

Snog · 05/08/2013 20:58

no combat intended Smile

Rufus43 · 05/08/2013 21:49

If I was not married then my children would have my surname. There would be no way on gods green earth that I would have a different name to them

My dh wanted us to choose a new family name, he wanted it to be "Wolf" luckily his dad was furious so it gave me a get out clause!

squoosh · 05/08/2013 21:50

Grin at Wolf!

That is just the kind of new surname I'd expect a man to come up with!

Rufus43 · 05/08/2013 21:58

Don't ! He wanted Ace for ds2s name! [Hmm] Even ds2 said " that's a stupid name mummy"

Xmasbaby11 · 05/08/2013 22:03

YANBU! I am always surprised how many women are happy for the child to take the father's name. I think it is 100% of my friends who are unmarried / haven't taken their husband's name.

As others have said, it's not a given either way - one of you 'loses out'. I think it's important to agree on this, even if it takes a lot of discussion.

curlew · 05/08/2013 22:03

"Ah well I'm going to leave it there. We'll have to agree to disagree. I think in your desire to get your feminist viewpoint across you have the potential to upset, well, women. Ironic, huh."

Not ironic at all. Sometimes people do find it very difficult when they are asked to look at why they do things. But it's important that they do.If you want to take your husband's name because you love tradition, I won't agree with you, but I can accept that. If you do it because that's what your husband wants/insists on, or because you think you have to or because you're worried people will think you're a single parent if you don't, then I will do all I can to encourage you to think about your choices.

Talkinpeace · 05/08/2013 22:09

no need for deed poll
you can call yourself whatever you like
you can have two names
double barrel is normally best
(did not work for DH and I as the combination sounded silly so they have his name but I do not!)

sonlypuppyfat · 05/08/2013 22:13

I've had grief for saying the male race, and it is the human race. Sorry some of you seem not to rate half of it

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