To want our baby to have my surname?

[ellie19812]

Our baby is due in January, we are living together however the idea of marriage does not appeal to me (maybe this will change in the future, I don't know yet).

Anyway, I really want our baby to have my surname, however he and his family have assumed the baby will take on his surname.

AIBU?

If a child is given the mothers surname and she wants to change it to the fathers at a later date its very very easy to do.

If a child is given the fathers surname and she wants to change it at a later date it can be almost impossible to do.

OP YANBU. Legally, if you give your baby your partner's surname and his name is on the birth certificate, you WILL NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE THIS until your child is 18 - even if you split up. Your child will have a different surname to you, which can be occasionally awkward at best and a constant harrowing reminder at worst.

However, if you give your child your surname, and then you get married you CAN legally change your child's name (and yours) so that you become a ""family unit"" if you so wish.

I married and we all have the same name now - which i really enjoy!

x post with sockreturningpixie

I think it is best for everyone if a child has the same name as their primary carer wether that be mother or father.

Form filling, docs appointments, dealing with school/nursery etc. op will you be doing the bulk of that? If so you win the argument if I'm judging

They are not "just names". If they were, there would be no tradition of men passing theirs on over women. People would simply pick the best one and use that. A lot goes with a name.

I say it will probably be a hard discussion with your DH OP. I would suggest a compromise (double barrel for example) and if he outright says no, then point out that YOU are compromising (with your suggestions). And that you don't need to because you can register the baby alone and he can't!!

Good on you for wanting the patriarchial naming system to end. My name is not my father's name, it is MINE. Like DH's is HIS.

It's something you need to discuss and decide together - ignore what anyone else in the families say.

Could one of you change your name by deed poll? Then you would all have the same name but without having to marry.

DS has my surname, and given his dad pissed off after 8 weeks I am glad I made that choice. For others though things go much smoother!

I think YABU. People will assume that your DC is from another relationship.I don't think this is very fair on your partner

I gave mine DC their dads surname, mainly because I hate mine, and it's constantly mispronounced about 5 different ways. We split up when they were 2 and 3 and have never had any bother about them having a different surname to me, they are 7 and 9 now. It did cross my mind once that I wanted the same name as them but now It doesn't really bother me, it's only a name and they are my DC regardless

My two have my surname, dad's surname middle name. Causes no problems whatsoever.

Unless you are 100% sure about brig with your dp long term I think reasonable to give baby your surname. If you later do get married you can change the babies surname later. But if you split up you won't be able to change babies surname without his consent. Hold your ground on this one.

Baby has dh name (dp at the time) because I knew we would marry in the future. And I hated my name and it's associations. Dh was pleasantly surprised at the choice I'd made, as he had no intention to pressure me into it. I know my mum hated the fact we had my dads surname as she was constantly referred to as 'mrs x' when in fact she'd been divorced for years. Yanbu to choose whichever name you prefer, they can always be changed later!

People will assume that your DC is from another relationship.I don't think this is very fair on your partner

That has to be one of the more ridiculous things I've read on this thread.

Our DCs have my name. DH is very welcome to change his if he wants to.

WorraLiberty

You sound a bit hysterical themaltesefalcon

Congratulations on using perhaps the most intrinsically sexist adjective in the English language.

You sound a bit of a prat.

Yanbu. I think dcs should get mums name, afterall women tend to do more childcare.

Oh calm down dear

brokenhearted of course it's Mum's name if it's the name she's had since birth!

'How is that possible? The choices are give the baby his fathers surname or his maternal grandfathers surname.'

and yet again I have to ask why is the father's name his name but a woman's name is her father's name??

So fucking sexist.

I dunno. I think at that point (when she is Christened, or whatever the heathen equivalent is), it IS her mum's name. Much as my diamond ring is mine, even though it belonged to one of my great great grandmother originally.

I think the husband is ridiculous to automatically expect that the child will have his name. That is not a very clever assumption to make these days. As many people on this thread have attested, children often have their mother's, a hyphenated or even a brand new surname. And that is no bad thing.

I did take my husband's surname after our marriage for practical reasons (and yes, we tossed a coin), but I would never have married him had he been so idiotic as to assume that I would. He was surprised and honoured that I did.

He likewise never assumed that our baby would have his surname but since she was born in wedlock it happened that way. It has proved extremely useful (for our recent visa, we would have had to have sent away to the other side of the world for an apostilled birth certicate, for example) and I'd urge anyone who might possibly take their family overseas in the future to think about it.

I would get very, very narked by my inlaws presuming to have an opinion on the subject.

WorraLiberty, that did make me laugh.

we're just giving our little one both our names with a - in between. We plan on using that name when we get married some day too, but regardless the child would have both names. My parents are not married, so I have two last names as well, although normally only use my dads name.

I think you are being a little BU. His family are from a different generation where it is traditional for a baby to take the father's name. Whether that upsets feminists or not, that is how it has always been. It is, however, not their decision BUT you and DP need to discuss it in great detail - you have both created the baby and should both be represented in its name. I don't hold with the idea that because a mum is primary child carer the child should have their name - the father is probably out working to ensure the mother can be primary carer. You are a team. My DS has my name as a middle name and DHs as a surname. DS himself has chosen to use both names. He is proud of both of them. You need to be reasonable though and listen to him as well.

Gosh, the 1950s should phone and ask for their attitudes back, looking at some of these posts. OP, YANBU in the least, but you know that. I am married, but would no more have considered changing my name than I would eating my own liver, and our son has my name, with my husband's full support. It has never caused us any problems.

Also, not what you asked, but I agree with whoever said up the thread to get the legalities sorted ASAP, if you plan not to marry. That was the only reason we married, as it never appealed to me either, but you can certainly more or less replicate things by drawing up a document with a god solicitor.