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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect gps to respect my rules for the dcs?

150 replies

newryan · 02/08/2013 20:43

Staying with gps for 3 weeks. OK it's not that long in the grand scheme of things but I am going crazier by the day.

I'm not over the top strict but my dcs need permission to watch tv, play on computer or get something to eat. However since we've been here every time I turn my back they have the tv on again ("granny said I could") or I've chucked one off the laptop as they've been on it too long and need to get outside and burn off some energy, only to find that grandpa has handed over his ipad. When I told my dad that they usually have a time limit on screens he said "well I don't go by those rules for them."

Yes it's their house, but the dcs are rapidly turning into slobby brats who can't entertain themselves without a screen of some kind. AIBU?

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 02/08/2013 20:45

I would reply to your dad with 'well that's a pity, as it means we won't be able to visit you so long in the future'.

I get that different houses have different rules, but three weeks is a long time.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 20:49

Wish I could be that direct with them. We are more of a "keep comments to yourself, just go for a bad atmosphere" kind of family. Not like that at all with DH and the dcs, they are very used to being told directly!

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 02/08/2013 20:50

I think you are over reacting. If you feel that strongly about them using screens, stop hanging round the house and organise some walks/visits/parks etc

ChippingInHopHopHop · 02/08/2013 20:52

It Is Three Weeks.

Make the most of having both your parents still and stop whining about petty things would be my advice.

Sirzy · 02/08/2013 20:52

I think you need to relax a bit while your away.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 20:54

We do lots of outside activities, but as soon as we get home the tv goes on or they head for the computer. That's how the gps spend their days (without they outside bit) so it's not that surprising really. If their screen time is restricted, I find that they do many other activities - reading, drawing, playing together. But they don't do those things if they are allowed unlimited screen time.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/08/2013 20:55

So they have spent the day outside but they want to relax when they get back? How is that a bad thing?

LingDiLong · 02/08/2013 20:55

I think you need to be a lot clearer about your 'rules'. If they are allowed some screen time, it's not going to occur to your parents to say no when the kids ask for the TV or computer.

Why don't you announce at the breakfast table when everyone is there 'right, no screens today, we're going to do x, y and z now. You can watch TV/use the laptop after lunch'. So it's crystal clear to your parents what you are doing.

Other than that, yes, just chill. 3 weeks won't permanently turn them into slobby brats.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 02/08/2013 20:56

YABU. It is 3 weeks. It is in the Grandparents' Charter that they indulge their grandchildren with things that parents usually disallow.

MrsPercyPig · 02/08/2013 20:58

What age are your dc?

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:00

I have told my parents that usually they are allowed an hour a day. That is relaxed if they watch a film on dvd and they can have a little more than that during the holidays.

We don't spend the whole day outside, but we get out somewhere once a day. They can quite happily play outside with other kids, do crafts, help me with cooking etc, but the default always seems to be screens. I just don't like it all the time, it's so passive.

Ling I will aim to be clearer and remind regularly. If I leave one of them with the gps then fair enough, it's their rules, but if I am there and tell the dcs clearly what they can or can't do, then the gps blatantly ignore it, that's very annoying.

OP posts:
Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:01

dcs are 12, 10, 8.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/08/2013 21:01

Perhaps you need to book into a hotel next time then if you are not willing to relax a bit and realise that they want to 'spoil' their grandchildren a bit.

RenterNomad · 02/08/2013 21:02

You know how your DC are with and without screen time. My DS is miles calmer without television, and I'd be annoyed with my parents or PIL for undermining restrictions on that, because it affects everyone

LingDiLong · 02/08/2013 21:03

Yes, that would be annoying if they've actually heard you say 'no'. How old are your kids? Maybe you could also broach this by telling them they MUST ask you and not their grandparents, and if they don't ask you first they lose screen time or something.

Morgause · 02/08/2013 21:03

My DCs are grown up now but it never harmed them to be spoiled by their grandparents. They are both lovely and sociable young men.

They soon learned that there are home rules and GP rules. And I know they won't mind when we spoil their DCs.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:03

But there is relaxing a bit, which I have done, and completing disregarding what I say. I would regard gp "spoiling" as more treats than normal, days out etc, not letting them get away with things.

OP posts:
ChippingInHopHopHop · 02/08/2013 21:04

Like I said, it's THREE WEEKS. It's hardly going to change the track their lives take.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:04

completely, that should say

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/08/2013 21:05

They are playing on a computer, they are away for a short time. Is it really worth you getting so wound up about?

Surely if your children are on holiday they should get to relax how they want when they have some 'downtime'?

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:06

renternomad that's a good point - there has been so much more arguing than usual to get the dcs to get ready to go out, go to bed etc, because they are so often in front of a screen and reluctant to stop.

Ling yes I did that today, so hopefully that will improve things.

OP posts:
LingDiLong · 02/08/2013 21:06

I agree with Renter, it depends what kind of effect loads of screen time has on the OP's kids. It makes mine restless and hard work - they get bored and irritable and start fighting with each other. My parents used to let all the grandkids (10 of them!) have free use of their laptop and TV when we all got together. I think they thought it would be easier and keep the kids occupied. It was hellish. They all fought constantly. I convinced them to tell all the kids the laptop was broken and just not get it out at all. Now all 10 kids actually go off into their (huge) garden and play really nicely together.

Wholetthedogin · 02/08/2013 21:07

But isn't that the game?
Parents say No. When backs are turned GP's smile, wink and give them a little bit of what they fancy whilst looking over their shoulder at you.

Now I kind of think that's funny and it's a bit of a joke with us. I just love that my DD has a great relationship with her GP's and so what if she get's spoilt a little. That great relationship is worth it.

Isn't that what GP's are supposed to do??????
They are loved, they are happy and it's for 3 weeks. What is the worst that can happen?

TheFallenNinja · 02/08/2013 21:07

This wouldn't bother me too much, just prepare them for the short sharp shock when the holiday is over.

Hulababy · 02/08/2013 21:08

I think if you are staying at someone else's house then you have to relax your rules and live by their rules a lot more.

Besides, it is a grandparent's job to spoil their grandchildren and let them do all the things mum and dad won't. You'll get your chance to do it to your own children's children in years to come.