Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect gps to respect my rules for the dcs?

150 replies

newryan · 02/08/2013 20:43

Staying with gps for 3 weeks. OK it's not that long in the grand scheme of things but I am going crazier by the day.

I'm not over the top strict but my dcs need permission to watch tv, play on computer or get something to eat. However since we've been here every time I turn my back they have the tv on again ("granny said I could") or I've chucked one off the laptop as they've been on it too long and need to get outside and burn off some energy, only to find that grandpa has handed over his ipad. When I told my dad that they usually have a time limit on screens he said "well I don't go by those rules for them."

Yes it's their house, but the dcs are rapidly turning into slobby brats who can't entertain themselves without a screen of some kind. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:41

haveigotpoosforyou I don't tend to organise things for the dcs all that often, unless taking them out somewhere. I find that if I leave them to it they come up with their own ideas at home, and know that (during term-time) the tv doesn't go on until after homework and dinner.

OP posts:
Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:43

snowmummy I think so too! It's amazing what they can come up with if they have to think a bit - I took them to a park the other day, no playground or anything, just a few snacks with us and they organised themselves into a running races competition. There was a bit of squabbling, but we get that over which tv channel to watch!

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 02/08/2013 21:43

I will repeat what others have already said. YABU. It's three weeks, it's not that bad and it's not all day. In the nicest possible way, I think you need to unclench a little bit here and realise that it's perfectly normal to have different rules with GPs than you would at home.

If you lived with them all the time, that would be different, but it's silly to be worried about three weeks.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:46

Well, I will try, I have tried. But really, some kids will watch tv all day if allowed to. I can't afford to take them out all day every day, so there will be time hanging around the house.

OP posts:
snowmummy · 02/08/2013 21:47

Right there with ya newryan, why would anyone want their DC's watching tv / on computer / ipad when there are far better things to do? I don't get it!

Bowlersarm · 02/08/2013 21:50

YABU.

Have some respect for their rules, and try and embrace it.

Sorry, if it's not what you want to hear.

YoniBottsBumgina · 02/08/2013 21:53

Have you seen that thread about "When my children are grown up, I will swing on their fridge door and draw on their sofa" Grin Be thankful the GPs are only having a bit of mischief with the DC and not going for full on revenge Wink

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:55

Yoni Grin

OP posts:
middleeasternpromise · 02/08/2013 21:56

Personally I would not get that het up about it - you have gone there for 3 weeks because you want the kids to have time with their GPs - the kids are out of their environment so its not as easy for them to go off and find something else to do the way they would at home. There will be no threat to your normal routine as long as you acknowledge to them all this is holiday rules. If you keep getting wound up; stressing with your parents - you are not going to achieve what the visit was for - nice time for kids with GPs. Why dont you go out and catch up with old friends or get some me time and leave the GPs to get on with it. Your children know your rules and also know their GPs are bonding with them by spoiling them rotten - Ive never known a GP not to do it - and those that dont - well the parents dont want to take their kids round there. Enjoy it for what it is. Life is too short.

Burmobasher · 02/08/2013 21:58

Jeez, lighten up a bit. It's 3 weeks in the summer holidays, be pleased that they have a good relationship with their GP's because they won't always around.
Not sure i like the inference that any parent who doesn't strictly monitor their kids tv time has slobby brats for kids.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 22:03

middleeasternpromise yes I am trying to get out as much as I can but while the gps like to give a lot of treats etc they are not keen on being left with the dcs. Occasionally they will take 1, usually the 12yo. I think they only way to survive this is to relinquish all control!

burmobasher some kids are not so interested in screens and therefore don't need strict monitoring.

OP posts:
kawliga · 03/08/2013 00:09

newryan be careful, by strictly monitoring the tv you are turning it into a forbidden thing which is so precious they only get one hour to watch no wonder they are gagging for it all the time. It's the sweet forbidden fruit, very tantalizing and attractive which they only get for a few precious moments.

I don't limit dd's screen time at all, never have done, and honestly after a while she gets bored of sitting there looking at the screen and wants to interact with me or just do something different. Having said that, we only have freeview at home and no fancy gizmos or games, and I guess even the hardiest television fan can only stand so much cbbc before they've had just about enough. Maybe that's the secret: serve up endless hours of boring telly, that will teach them.

Nanny0gg · 03/08/2013 00:47

How is screen time more passive than reading a book? Would you limit that?

justanuthermanicmumsday · 03/08/2013 01:16

I sympathise with the poster completely. My kids are much younger but you are doing a wonderful job trying to keep them off tv, and other gadgets,there's so much more to do to keep the body and mind active, especially whilst they're so young.

My kids get fixated even if I let them on the ipad for 1 hour, when I say times up they have a fit. this summer has been a nightmare. So much so I completely banned it.they only have it on Sundays as it is, but due to their behaviour I locked it out of sight and they've been behaving better. No tantrums playing nicely, not looking like zombies doing what kids should be doing.

3 weeks is a long time for children, it may not seem so to us adults. 3 weeks of constant screen time iis not good. Yes they should spend time with the grandparents, how about quality time where they interact rather than sitting like vegetables glued to a screen not talking to one another?

I have the same issues when I go to see my dad. they will sneak down early to watch tv. If I didn't go out with them they'd be on it all day. but it's not as simple as saying dont go to GPS if its a problem, you want your kids to have that bond. All you can do is take them out as you are already doing, and be more vigilant as GPS don't understand your stance.

with me it's a problem I have to go and buy stacks of stuff since my dad has nothing for the kids to play with. the last thing I want to do is go to a toy store for supplies when I am meant to be relaxing. Truth is there is never any relaxation with kids, least I don't feel it I feel more stressed wen I take them to my parental home.

FreudiansSlipper · 03/08/2013 01:26

I can not see the problem it's 3 weeks stop being so controlling and let everyone enjoy themselves

really is there need for such rigid rules all the time

kawliga · 03/08/2013 01:46

What on earth is showing on the telly that the dc are glued to it like vegetables and sneaking down to watch it? If you are subscribing to cable just cancel it, problem solved.

As for other gadgets, wow, just don't have gadgets if it's turning you into a control monster trying to keep the dc off it. Why would you buy an ipad and then start having control issues with your kids about it? Just why?

nooka · 03/08/2013 02:08

If your grandparents usually watch a lot of TV and play with computers/gadgets then it is hardly surprising that they don't think it is an issue that your children want to do the same. Possibly they think that your a little over an hour in the holidays restriction is somewhat controlling. So I think that trying to enforce a rule that your parents obviously do not agree with is problematic.

On the other hand there is no way I could stay with my parents for more than a week!

My children have no formal TV/computer/console restrictions and are still able to entertain themselves, although ds as a teenager is a bit of a pain. Your children will also be just fine. Ideally you should be able to agree a compromise with your parents, but it sounds like negotiation might be difficult?

justanuthermanicmumsday · 03/08/2013 02:27

Kowling tv programmes are addictive by their very nature, I don't have cable I don't have tv I was talking about my dads house.

as parents we should control what our kids do especially when they are not old enough to realise the harm certain things can do to them. The ipad is mine not theirs i wouldnt get small kids an ipad no way. They only have jt once a week. Well did have till I decided zero screen time.

screen time has adverse effects on adults and teens too, its not just a kid issue. I've read a fair few psychological case studies and articles on it it would be stupid t ignore. A total ban would be stupid too, balance is the key.

I don't agree with this idea oh it's 3 weeks what's the big deal. I may appear like a control freak but each to their own. I know wht op is concerned about.

When I was growing up tv went on when parents put it on, and off when they switched it off. Usually tv was weekends only and in the lounge not kids bedrooms. Consequently I spent a lot of time outdoors or playing with friends, that's how I want my kids to be. It's sad seeing kids glued to screens so much.

Notcontent · 03/08/2013 04:31

I sympathise with the OP too.
If left to her own devices my dd would spend a lot to time watching tv, iplayer, playing with laptop, iPad, etc. if restrictions are placed on her then she will get on with other stuff that she actually gets something out of, instead of just sitting there and wasting time.

invicta · 03/08/2013 04:42

It's only for three weeks, and you are saying at their house, and it's the holidays, so can you compromise? We have screen time in the morning, t lunch, and early evening. In between, the screens are off.

everlong · 03/08/2013 05:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HabitualLurker · 03/08/2013 06:44

I'm actually pretty amazed that anyone thinks reading a book is just as passive as watching telly. Seriously?

Ok, so neither involve moving your body much..

pamelat · 03/08/2013 06:54

I assume its doing you a favour that they have them for you

Sorry but think you are unreasonable

Im quite anal with my kids but they are 3 and 5. In fact im quite relaxed with the older one already

They wont spoil, theyll learn thta different places have different rules, not a bad thing, and grsndparents are there to spoil

Enjoy your free time. Ive got 3 DAYS coming up and am stressing about my loss of control there, but know im being silly ;)

hesterton · 03/08/2013 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 03/08/2013 08:29

Your options are

  1. Just accept their house their rules and ignore it all.
  2. Have a discussion with your parents about why you have your screen time rules and that you feel they are undermining you and that it makes visiting them less pleasant for you and causes stress and may make you choose to visit for less time in the future.
  3. Just cut down the visit length to 2 weeks.

3 weeks twice a year is a huge amount of time to visit someone for. Most people don't get that much holiday time off work in total.
I'd favour option 2 and trying to come to a compromise with them but wouldn't stay with other people for more than a week or 2 anyway. If they refuse to visit you then tough, they don't see you that much.

One set of my grandparents were always glued to the telly, unlike my parents. It was permanently on in the background. I think my parents would have gone nuts if they'd had to spend more than a week there.