Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect gps to respect my rules for the dcs?

150 replies

newryan · 02/08/2013 20:43

Staying with gps for 3 weeks. OK it's not that long in the grand scheme of things but I am going crazier by the day.

I'm not over the top strict but my dcs need permission to watch tv, play on computer or get something to eat. However since we've been here every time I turn my back they have the tv on again ("granny said I could") or I've chucked one off the laptop as they've been on it too long and need to get outside and burn off some energy, only to find that grandpa has handed over his ipad. When I told my dad that they usually have a time limit on screens he said "well I don't go by those rules for them."

Yes it's their house, but the dcs are rapidly turning into slobby brats who can't entertain themselves without a screen of some kind. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:08

sirzy but don't you think that tv and video games can be a bit addictive and they end up not knowing how to amuse themselves without? When I make them turn everything off, they sit around and complain a bit for a while, then get bored and go off and find something else to do. I think they need to do other activities, not just screen-based.

OP posts:
snowmummy · 02/08/2013 21:09

I think you're fantastic for staying with the GP's for 3 whole weeks! They should absolutely respect your rules and boundaries and not undermine you. YANBU

Mumsyblouse · 02/08/2013 21:10

I agree with you that my children's behaviour deteriorates dramatically when they are on their screen a lot in the holidays, normal tasks like dressing, brushing teeth, even going on fun activities get met with 'waaaaiiiit a minute' and lots of grumpiness. I don't have a solution except to set out your stall with your parents and then relax your own rules a bit and meet in the middle. It is hard though and three weeks of sitting in front of a screen not interacting with the grandparents anyway is not that great a way to spend time. I usually say just one hour in morning, one in evening and nothing if people are grumpy getting off the screen.

Viviennemary · 02/08/2013 21:10

Children realise that they are on holiday when at the gps. So I think you should chill out and stop worrying. It doesn't sound as if they are up to any activity that will cause any harm whatsoever. Need permission to watch TV. That does sound a bit over the top to me.

snowlie · 02/08/2013 21:11

I normally restrict screen time but at GP it's a bit more slack, they don't have access to their stuff, so they often feel at a lose end. Keeping them occupied keeps them off the screen....but that's quite tiring for the adults too. I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Sirzy · 02/08/2013 21:11

Its 3 weeks not their whole life.

Perhaps it is because they have been so restricted before now that they are wanting to spend so much time on now they are being given more freedom!

ageofgrandillusion · 02/08/2013 21:12

It's their house, their rules. If you dont like it cough up for a hotel.
Fwiw - your rules seem a wee bit petty. Why not chill out a bit, you are on holiday after all.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:13

mumsyblouse that sounds similar to what we do. They watch tv after breakfast for a bit, then we usually go out somewhere, then in the afternoon there is some time on the computer/ds if they want to. Except it hasn't been working that way because of the grandparents. Doesn't help that my dad is addicted to computers/gadgets and my mum watches tv all day normally.

OP posts:
jamdonut · 02/08/2013 21:15

What I did at my grandparent's house's was completely different to what I did at home. Granted there were no computers etc then, but my mum was glad to let the grandparents take the strain for a bit,I think.

The same goes for my own kids...grandparents are there to spoil children rotten,otherwise what is the point of having them? And does it really matter,because you will be back to your rules when you go home?

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:15

They are not "so" restricted - do you think an hour a day is mean? And more than that during the holidays usually. Isn't it normal to have to ask permission?

Yes, it's possibly that the gps feel they have to entertain them if the screens are off. Even though I have told them that they don't have to. I ignore them a lot and they go off and fight play.

OP posts:
bruffin · 02/08/2013 21:17

That's nonsense Brett's. I never limited screen time and my dcs are now 15 and 17, more than able to amuse themselves. D's loves being outside, spent 3 days walking to Nan's with a couple of mates last summer. DD spends her spare time helping out.
I will never understand this ridiculous MN thing that GPS need to be told rules to look after their own grandchildren.

LillyNotOfTheValley · 02/08/2013 21:17

YANBU, just unrealistic.. Grin
After having played cops for 20 years, GP feel it is their turn to have some fun and be the cool ones - that you cannot change!

However, I found that explaining to my DM that after the month the DC spend with them, I have to get them back to real life and it would greatly help me if she could stay within reasonable boundaries.. and it WORKED! (meaning they do not get 3 choices of main course for each meal anymore and no more than 3 hours in front of the TV munching choc bars per day Hmm but I still have to work on the "let granny do your cleaning for you/go get that second ice cream"...)

MiaowTheCat · 02/08/2013 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:22

Lilly that would be great but unfortunately any kind of comment like that is taken personally and as a massive insult.

Those of you who don't/didn't restrict screen time - how long would the dcs watch/play for? I think my lot wouldn't move the whole day.

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 02/08/2013 21:22

I do think because you know your parents watch TV all day and use screens a lot, it's a bit unrealistic to expect the dc to stick to one hour a day.

I didn't like my dc watching too much TV, but as your in someone else's house and on holiday I would relax a bit, as long as they are doing other things during the day.

notanyanymore · 02/08/2013 21:22

YABU, 3 weeks won't turn them into 'slobby brats who can't entertain themselves'. Your over-reacting to gp's being gp's imo, and it is their house. Let it go and just have a nice time!

ExcuseTypos · 02/08/2013 21:22

You're

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:23

Miaow they never visit us so it's this 3 week visit a couple of times a year at their house.

OP posts:
BerthaTheBogCleaner · 02/08/2013 21:29

I don't see letting them bounce between the computer, tv, ipad etc as spoiling really. That's more like fobbing off. Spoiling involves attention.

Would you like them to visit you? Would it be easier at your house? Just because they won't, doesn't mean you have to visit them. You can say no. Or make shorter, less frequent visits. You're allowed to put in the same amount of effort that they do. What are your children getting out of the visit?

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 02/08/2013 21:31

Lol at "if you don't like it cough up for a hotel". How about "if you don't like it stay home and have a much nicer time".

bellablot · 02/08/2013 21:35

YABU, stop being so uptight and give them all a break, try relaxing and unclenching, you might enjoy! Smile

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 02/08/2013 21:37

I never asked my parents for time on the computer (as a teen naturally) or TV as a kid.

But then again I got bored after an hour or so, then would do something else and come back a few hours later. It was only if there was a marathon of my favourite programme I could've sat down and watched it for a long time. But some kids can just sit all day and watch TV.

I think if you don't want the GPs to do this, you have to not ignore them/leave them to fight and have something for them to do at all times, even if it's colouring in. Otherwise, it can't be guaranteed they wont be on the TV.

Perhaps breakfast, a bit of TV, go out, have lunch, do a fun activity at your GPs home i.e cooking, drawing, painting, collecting things, a treasure hunt etc and then a bit more TV then dinner time then wind down time with perhaps a book, or a chat if they like having a talk. Then bedtime.

Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:37

bertha we can't make shorter more frequent visits as we live very far away. The dcs love to come here and much as I find it stressful I don't want to stop them having that relationship with the gps.

OP posts:
Original poster
newryan · 02/08/2013 21:38

Oh, and in the past they have visited us but not for ages. I suppose I got things more the way I wanted, but my parents didn't enjoy themselves at all, that was obvious. They don't like to be out of their comfort zone, and now can't/won't travel the distance to visit us.

OP posts:
snowmummy · 02/08/2013 21:40

I still think YANBU OP. I would not put up with 3 weeks of unrestricted tv, ipad, computers etc. What a waste of 3 weeks!