He hasn't text :'(

[OctopusPete8]

So...the OH is away on his Stag do, over the weekend. Just to give some quick background, I planned my Hen do first, I deiced due to cost, having children ..etc a weekend is an awfully long time so I'll just have a night ..alrighty then, all planned.
Few weeks ago, Oh I'm off to *** for a weekend, I was a bit miffed and I admitted I was jealous that he got to go away and I felt like I had to decline a weekend, its being paid for in his defence.

And then.....'Oh were going ***' Thats MY HEN DO! wasn't deliberate, but its for the convenience of a friend/personal circumstances.
He's gone today etc, etc on good terms was not deliberate if a bit thoughtless, till monday.
So yes, I am having 2 kids all weekend by myself and have to get to my childcare myself, with no car going down 3 flights of stairs.

And......its nearly 10pm no text, no "how are the kids" "how are you?"

Has updated fb twice though....
I felt quite hurt and humilated ,
AIBU.

Are you both going to spend the next few years or decades like this?
Why would you choose to be in a relationship that pisses you off so much?
Did you fall into it by accident? (4 year relationship, child of 4)
It doesn't have to be the rest of your life.

In the face of being told I obviously don't like my own kids , I'm an bunny boiler I have been restrained actually.

LOL , that made me laugh TSSDNCOP.

I don't know is Cabrinha's post teling I don't like my own kids?

Helpful TSSDNCOP.
Very helpful.

OP,, I am not sure why you are fixating on cabrinhas relatively helpful post when there have been some frankly nasty ones you have not addressed individually at all

Good you're laughing again. Now keep doing that for a bit longer.

Please listen to those saying its not uncommon for a communications white-out to happen on weekends away.

What does a text usually say anyway "you alright" "yeah" "blah blah" it's just a pointless exercise that we're all hooked on and get all bothered when it doesn't happen.

Let it go. Have a quiet day with the kids, this is one of those times CBeebies was invented for, and enjoy your party. Could DM have the children the morning after your party?

I really get it too op and think you've been given a really hard time.

This was supposed to be your weekend of relaxing. Due to finances you chose to have only one night out not the entire weekend.

Your DP has now decided he's going away on this weekend, despite knowing earlier you had already organised your hen do on this weekend and so has made himself unavailable for childcare instead expecting you to do the lot on the weekend you had already organised your hen night on.

He could have done it any other weekend. He could have been there this weekend so you could have a good night out and relax the next day, but no. He's gone now leaving you to deal with all the childcare and doesn't even have the courtesy to contact you and ask how you and the children are!

He's inconsiderate and I'm sure if you had gone away for the weekend as you'd planned, you'd have managed to find the time for a few quick calls to him and your children in the midst of it.

Your DP is behaving like a care free, child free twit!

What you need is a good plan if action so you can really enjoy your hen night.

Did you say your DM is looking after your children, is there any possible chance she could have them a bit earlier so you can get a power nap in before you start to get ready? And is she having them overnight until at least mid morning? Perhaps take her a bottle if wine as a sweetener.

Getting them out of the house seems a struggle but if you're a SAHM then you must have it down to a fine art, so again, don't focus in this... Think of it as a means to an end to a great hen night.

Then can you arrange for your friends to come get ready with you so you can really start the party?

He hasn't text, but for now I think you should put that aside and then discuss it when he gets back. Don't let it ruin the rest if your weekend. This was your hen weekend and that is what you've got to think about now.

Listen to AuntieElouie OP, she speaks wisely.

You can let all this totally get out of control, or not.

The latter will make for a better party for you.

I don't know all the posters names I have re-read C's poat and apologises it isn't that bad.

Whenever I read considerate posts like Wynken, blueballoon etc I feel like I want to tear up for some reason,

I want to get a grip,but I've been shat on from a great height and need to be allowed to be angry first.

actually, it makes it very hard for me to leave the house tbh its an ongoing issue.

Octopus - do you generally get much time to yourself? At weekends does your DP look after the children whilst you go out shopping/for lunch/abseiling/whatever?

I'm a SAHM and the stage with small children who aren't at school/nursery is very hard work. Some people forget that once their children are older.

Is your mum coming early tomorrow so you can at least get ready in peace - or any chance you go to a friends to get ready? I know for me, I used to enjoy getting ready to go out but its hard when you're trying to bath dc's and read their stories whilst doing your make up etc.

First things first, if he's on the ferry to Amsterdam he has had no signal on his phone until it docks this morning.

Why thank you TSSDNCOP

Octopuspete8 can you get a friend over for a a few hours before you have to go out so you can have help getting the children to your mums. Don't be afraid to ask for help from a friend, if you're feeling a bit low, on this weekend of all weekends, your good friends will be willing to help where they are able.

You really do need to set aside your anger and upset though if you are going to enjoy your night.

Is your hen do tomorrow (sat)? If so be angry today and then wake up resolute that tomorrow is your day and you are going to do everything with a smile in your face. If my timings are wrong and your hen night is tonight, you only have until lunch time to be angry.

Someone once told me that if you are finding it hard to smile, put a pencil in your mouth, your mouth can help but form a smile then and it should lift your spirits, not sure if it works, but it's worth a try.

Better out than in with anger so rant away. Elouie is right, you need a plan to try and make the most of the circumstances as they are now, can you speak to your Mum ?

And I think MrsCampbell and others asking how much time you have to yourself are asking a very good question. When you feel like you do now it often is because you have been carrying on when struggling for a bit and things build up. It's a sign that it's time to have a think about things and make a few changes. Get through this weekend then our some things in place to make life easier for you.

It can be incredibly tough being a SAHM when they are little. I found one of the most successful, competent women I know, on a break from a very successful career, sobbing in her kitchen one day saying she couldn't cope and was a failure. She just found that stage so incredibly hard, some of us do, there is no shame in it.

i'd ask your dm to help you the next morning too. tell her how you're feeling and i'm sure she'll understand.

What exactly do you mean by "it's being paid for"?

Who is paying for his stag weekend?

I've got a nearly 4 year old and a baby too, Octopus, and while I do love them very much, I would not relish the thought of a whole weekend with them on my own, and my baby is a relatively easy one. If you're not sleeping well, things seem much harder too.

I would be very pissed off if my lovely night out that I was looking forward to was ruined by being knackered from relentless childcare. I would also be very pissed off if my DH wasn't very grateful that I would look after them on my own for a whole weekend so he could go on a jolly holiday with his mates. I would be furious if he was not only not grateful for a) having a weekend away and b) potentially ruining my evening out but also didn't pick up his phone to check in on us.

I'm sorry your night out has been spoiled, as others have said, can you get a nap in before you go out? Get DM to turn up early so you can pamper yourself?

I'd definitely be planning in another night out in the next couple of weeks, one where DP does the childcare, gets up in the night and gives you a lie in.

OP, it's not the "done thing" to phone home on stag weekends. He may be missing you loads but resisting the urge to call/text for traditions sake. You say he's normally very good at texting when away. I think you do need to get over this bit.

The real issue is his assumption that it was by default your responsibility to sort out childcare when he booked something on a weekend you were already busy. YANBU to be put out by this, but now is not the time to dwell on it. It doesn't seem healthy to try to initially hide how upset/angry you are about it, then seethe weeks later.

Instead think about how he can make it up to you. Maybe a weekend away with your friends once the financial strain of the wedding is over. Or a weekend away visiting a long distance friend.

I do understand how important the weekend are when you are a SAHM though. I love my dd to bits but it can get a bit relentless when it's 12 days in a row without respite.

I understand why you feel disappointed that his needs and wants seem to have totally overridden yours, but once you'd agreed to it and it was a done deal I'm not sure why you think it's essential that he texts you bang slap int he middle of a night out? You know he's alive and well, you can see it in facebook. Why on earth does he need to text you?

It would neer occur to me to go and text anyone halfway through a night out that they know I am on, jus to check in with them. Bonkers behaviour.

I have next to time by myself,My Dp is good with the kids but due to he has to wrk alot and I'm left sleep deprived etc

To top is off my sons favourite toy has stopped working, as had the dvd player and my baby is going through seperation anxiety so screams everytime I leave his eyeline, Its just more and more horrific as it goes on, of course that isn't dp's fault but I'm resentful all the same.

I didn't know about the unwritten rule, so it could be that.

although with kids I would expect the dynamic to be different but thats me.

I'm on the verge of sobbing DS2 seperation anxiety is realy pushing me over the edge, I suppose it can't get any worse....

famous last words.

OP you sound so upset I can't help feeling there's more to this.

I don't think your dp not texting on his stag do in itself is so awful tbh. Ime there is usually a ban on the stag contacting his other half with terrible consequences if he breaks that ban

I think it's definitely worth thinking about what the real issue is here. You sound like maybe there are underlying things you are upset about.

But right now, would it be better to try and work out how to make this weekend more bearable? Have you got plans for today? It's usually easier to meet up with a friend I find. (Yesterday dh was away and I felt dreadful - recovering from some nasty virus - but forced myself to go out and meet friends and it was actually easier than staying at home with 3 dcs, even though what I really wanted to do was crawl back into bed!) Can you spend some of the weekend with your dm, so you aren't doing it on your own?

I am facilitating his non stop 72 + weed binge

And you are going to marry him?

Weed? deal breaker.

Is there a soft play near you? When I'm knackered I take the 4 year old there, let him loose and then I can just sit with the baby, my phone and a drink and cake.

YANBU to be upset at no contact from him at all. We're not talking about a stag night out here. I would expect most people (if possible) would want to keep in contact with their partners and children if they were away for 4 days.

I second the soft play suggestion.