TidyDancer's bridezilla thread part 3

[TidyDancer]

Here you go!

Gluezilla you say, what a twit,
She wanted it all, went batshit,
The net, it went loopers indeed,
Seen more sense from a pombear who peed,
Mumsnet gathered all near and so far,
To gawp at such things, so bizarre,
It will sadly blow over,
Like the cliffs down in Dover,
And we will all regret the hangover.

at Gluezilla being stuck.

I would be tempted to reply along the lines of:

Dear Gluesis
I don't know why she's stuck for someone to decorate her venue. I've refused to do this 3* times now, she should have started looking for someone else to do it after the first time. I suggest she gets on with that rather than harassing me, when I've said that I won't be doing it, or her venue will be undecorated on the day.
Yours, Tidy.

*Pretty sure it's 3 by now, isn't it?

I agree with the couple of PPs who said, upthread, that the probable reason for the delay with Gluesister's reply is because they - or rather Glue - were desperately asking around some of the other dis-inviteds.

Actually, and I've mentioned this a couple of times previously, I wonder whether Glue has been pestering Tidy's local dis-invited friend? Tidy, have you told her about this yet?

"un saving the wedding day doesn't mean she wouldn't be free on the hall decorating day."

True-could be that OP was never free on the decorating day!!

Hmmm... the right thing to do would be to not reply.

However.... after the event, and GZ is hashing over her wedding day with anyone that will listen, I would be worried that my name will be dragged through the mud and somehow anything that goes wrong on that day will all come back to me letting down GZ on her wonderful day by backing out at the last minute. We all know this isn't true, but this is what people do, don't they...a scapegoat...

So, I would be tempted to spell it out so that the sister knows... the fact you never ever agreed in the first place, that GZ made a HUGE assumption, and you feel used and hurt.

She did spell it out and I doubt the sister would go around contradicting her sister on the day if she was badmouthing Tidy to the guests anyway. Tidy can explain the situation to anyone who matters, ie those in her village, after the fact. I doubt GZ will breathe a word of it to them actually.

helliebean, Tidy has already spelled it out in an email to the sister, last Thursday

"Dear Sister,

I'm not entirely sure myself why F is upset if I'm honest. All I can do is really explain my position and hopefully it'll make sense to you.

Your sister invited me and [DP's name] to her wedding by way of a Save The Day card, and I made plans accordingly. I've since learned that I'm one of 20 who received the original save the date cards and whom are not invited after all. I've accepted this as I appreciate that every bride has budgetary constraints and family pressures that change over time.

What I didn't expect was then to be asked to decorate her venue, as F had never discussed this with me before less than a fortnight ago and I'm afraid it's just not possible for me to help for a number of reasons. I'm not sure if you're under the impression that I had arranged to help F and then pulled out, but this isn't what happened. I truly had no idea she was going to approach me to do this until I received her email.

Your sister is normally so thoughtful, so I'm surprised she hasn't realised what an imposition it is. It's just too much I'm afraid and I simply can't help on this occasion.

Hope all goes well and look forward to seeing the pictures in due course.

Kind regards
Tidy"

I have read all three threads and knew she had said that along those lines, but couldn't find it when I went to look for it!

Probably no reply is best then, having read that again...

Not easy to find something amongst 2,600 odd posts! I thought you must have missed it. It's a full time job keeping up with this saga, isn't it?

dontlaugh

I'm going to miss this thread

Thanks Tidy

I'd let it lie. I certainly wouldn't reply saying you're sorry, because you're not, and why would you be. And also, it's not the fact that you weren't invited, you were uninvited, that's the nub.

But if you have to reply.

Dear Gluesis

Please relay to your sister that I will definitely not be helping and that her time would be better spent asking one of the party guests than sitting around wringing her hands.

Love 'n' bubbles
Tidy x

No no no its not the end, there is a whole different saga. Bridezillas behaviour after wedding to tidy, I am sure tidy will keep us updated

Has it not occurred to either bride or sister that all this time wasted emailing back and forth and hassling you, she could have utilised much better by looking for someone else to decorate the wedding venue?? Obviously not.

I would like to correct the sister, however. The bride is not "stuck," she is "stubborn." (along with a few other things... )

Yo! Bridezilla Lionel Richie rewrote his song for you...

Stuck on glue
I've got this feeling as I have no soul that I just can't lose
Guess I want my way
Needed a friend to decorate
And the way I feel now I guess I'll e-mail you 'til the end
Guess I want my way
Mighty glad you saved the date

I'm stuck on glue
Been a fool too long I guess it's time for me to come on homebase
Guess I'm on my way
So hard to see
A sane woman like you would not run around for a twat like me
Guess I'm on my way
Mighty sad Sis says

I will miss your thread Tidy but agree to not replying back.

Also, I have to agree that the sister has in no way indicated that she understands Tidy's feelings. She stated "I'm sorry you feel that way." That is CLASSIC in "how to deal with unreasonable people" lingo. Seriously. And she follows it up with yet another request to do the job, followed by a dose of attempted guilt trip by saying the bride is "stuck."

If she REALLY understood, she'd have said something like "of course, you're right, I've had a word with my sister about her behaviour and told her to find someone else to decorate the hall. I'm so sorry that she treated you this way. I can only hope that after all this wedding madness dies down that she will realise that she has damaged your friendship. Best wishes to you and I hope that you and she can patch things up in the future."

What she sent was in an entirely different vein, IMO.

Agree with Triggles, they are just not getting it and are being superficially polite because they really really think there's a chance Tidy will change her mind.

Ignoring is the right thing to do, but I wouldn't be able to do that myself . I would be very tempted to write back reiterating the salient points, spelling out that:
a) GZ was really rude over the STD card
b) Tidy never agreed to decorate the hall
c) GZ owes Tidy an apology for her rudeness
d) NOTHING will change Tidy's mind.
e) GZ needs to find a decorator pronto - not "another" decorator, because she never had one in the first place.

I dont read it like that at all. To be honest it must have been a difficult response to write. One which her sister probably wanted sight of. Reading between the lines I think she did the best she coukd. She KNOWS Tidy isnt being unreasonable but cant slag her sister off in public.

But it's not in public. It's in a private email. Honestly, I have 3 sisters, and if one of them had behaved in that manner, I would've quite happily sent the content that I wrote above, rather than the one the sister sent. I'm not one to "slag off my sister in public" however, if she made a huge social error like that, I'd say so. Just as my sisters would say the same to me. If my sister is treating someone badly, I'd be the first one to say "look, what you're doing is wrong." Not in a nasty way, but in a "do you really think that's a good way to handle things" way.

And any decent sister would have, at this point, told the bride "look, don't worry about the wedding venue - let's you, me and some friends all get together and plan what to do and decorate it ourselves. It doesn't need to be a surprise - it just needs to look lovely." Or she would say "look, let's just knock this on the head and ring someone to take care of it. I'll call around for you and find someone that has reasonable rates that can do a nice job of decorating and then all you have to do is tell her what you want." Easy.

I absolutely agree Triggles, I'm not sure that the sister does really get it.

Otherwise why the mention of her sister being upset & Tidy reconsidering?

And yes, why isn't she offering to help?

They obvs want Tidy's artistic talents for nothing!

Sister doesn't know Tidy. If she did she might be able to say "Glue's gone a bit zilla, sorry" but you can't do that with a stranger.

She's obviously comfortable enough to email Tidy and ask her again to reconsider decorating.

Omg, send her a packet of glitter or confetti, and ask G-sis to sprinkle it around the venue. There, you have officially decorated the venue. Make sure to invoice her after the big day so the drama continues for our amusement!

But that's in solidarity with her sister before a stranger, as one might expect, whereas slagging her off to a stranger would be pretty disloyal.

I'm with SarahandFuck on this one. Gluesis is in a difficult position and it's to her credit that she hasn't started slagging off her sister to you, no matter what her private opinion of the situation might be.

Don't respond.