To be sick of DP's poo crumbs?

[nomorecrumbs]

My DP is very hairy. He leaves poo crumbs and hair on the seat every day and I'm sick of wiping it. This is way worse than the seat-up-or-down debate. I finally snapped after a year and told him he must start using wet wipes to avoid the poo crumb issue. I feel like I'm looking after a 2 year old in this regard.

It's been particularly bad in bed this summer as he sleeps naked so the crumbs go EVERYWHERE.

He says I have no right to interfere in his toilet routine and I say I'm not sexing someone who can't keep their poo crumbs under control.

His family are full of boys and he says the poo crumbs thing is normal and that I'm overreacting. AIBU?

Well I never get thrush or any sort of vaginal infection, so the crumbs must know to stay away from there.

They just like congregating in the bedsheets instead.

I think this has to be the grossest thing I've ever read on MN, and I have googled Dragonbutter (don't). Fucking hell. And you share a bed with this man?

Dear God. My DP is very hairy. I can't bear to think of this.

Poo keeps us healthy

I have nothing to contribute other than after a spectacularly crud day this thread has made me literally laugh until I cried.

OP - thank you.

(Unhelpful )

This thread is so funny, made me laugh out loud uncontrollably so that i woke my baby up

Agog.

"nomorecrumbs Wed 31-Jul-13 21:46:04

How on earth do you get a DP to change the way he sits on the toilet without sounding like his MIL or making him feel like a 2 year old?"

I'm guessing your mother doesn't want anything to do with his toilet habits either!

Eeeeeeee dp has an incredibly hairy arse.... I will be checking the sheets closely tonight!

Wow. I have mild IBS. Maybe the poo crumbs are helping, garlic!

I had to train dh to put the loo lid down before flushing, but he has never left a poo crumb or had a dingleberry. In fact, I have three dses and have never come across any. I would be sleeping in a different bed if my dh was leaving poo crumbs and pubes on the sheet.

Regarding fanny dandruff - I used to work in operating theatres, and they decided to phase out dresses, and make us all wear the scrubs you see on all the hospital programmes. When I asked why this was (because I hate myself in trousers), I was told it was to prevent PERINEAL FALL-OUT!! I assume this was skin cells from the perineal area and might be fanny dandruff. Either that, or no-one has told us that women's perineal areas are actually nuclear. And if that were the case, I am not sure scrubs would provide enough protection.

What kind of dry shit biscuits is he depositing to make crumbs?!?

My OH is hairy and I have never in all my days with him (4015) heard of this

G-R-O-S-S

Omgomgomg as soon as I read your OP I realised what all the wee things that always end up on the toilet seat are. I knew it was my DP but holy fuck. Fucking shit. Oh my god.

YANBU! My DH leaves what I call "poo flakes" on the toilet seat. it's revolting! He does clean it up but only if I point it out to him and ask him to. Thankfully I have never found poo flakes in the bed, I don't think I'd be able to sleep in it if I did! I don't get why he can't just wipe his arse properly!

Oops, Francis, I meant my MIL, or his Mother. Who clearly never used a toilet after him...

OP I feel your pain. Kept on at my other half re poo specks on the loo seat (not seen in the bed but am off to check!!) until he asked a couple of weeks ago what the stain on the back of the seat was. When I told him it was a stain no amount of bleach would remove we had a new seat within two hours and I haven't seen a crumb since!!!!

Is that actually true SDT? Can I start telling people about that?

"My fanny would grow a new hymen to repel his vile, shitty advances. How the F do you get wet knowing he is going to spray shit up the walls as he thrusts?"

This is the funniest thing I have ever read on the internet.

Poo flakes. Wow.

I have guffawed reading this thread

In all seriousness though - how could you find him attractive? Has he always had poo crumbs? Did you marry him knowing about the poo crumbs?

That would be a deal breaker for me. I can barely cope with dp not covering his nose/mouth when he sneezes/coughs. I'm sure i turn into his mother and he feels about 6 years old every time he does it. Shitty arse crumbs everywhere would tip me over the edge.

cuddle the troll

I do not know what to say OP I just couldn't intimately share a bed with someone who has a dirtier arse then a 1 year old and isn't wearing a nappy

This is a great thread...and it just keeps getting better

my fanny would grow a new hymen...

Omg, have been reading this throughout the evening and some of it aloud to dh. Both of us are equally shocked, sickened and shuddering! This is not the norm and he either needs to wash his arsehole A LOT more or you have to ltb. Please pass the bucket, I need to hurl!