To be sick of DP's poo crumbs?

[nomorecrumbs]

My DP is very hairy. He leaves poo crumbs and hair on the seat every day and I'm sick of wiping it. This is way worse than the seat-up-or-down debate. I finally snapped after a year and told him he must start using wet wipes to avoid the poo crumb issue. I feel like I'm looking after a 2 year old in this regard.

It's been particularly bad in bed this summer as he sleeps naked so the crumbs go EVERYWHERE.

He says I have no right to interfere in his toilet routine and I say I'm not sexing someone who can't keep their poo crumbs under control.

His family are full of boys and he says the poo crumbs thing is normal and that I'm overreacting. AIBU?

What's wrong with me! I actually feel sick but can't stop reading.

A long time ago, when we were in bed, I rested my hand on dP's bum. I stroked it a little and felt a lumpy something on my hand and actually contemplated LTB.

I had put that to the back of my mind, but this thread has brought it all out again.

Skidders on sheets.

Can you not top and tail him, like a baby, before bed OP?

even if its a poo troll?it must have actually happened. Its just too much to bare.

I can smell imaginary cack now

CatsAnd - it is dried with the wiping with tissue and then i suppose it crumbs off into the bed.

He sounds like a right catch, your DH.

Ah, thanks for clearing that up MrsKoala

This is the boakiest thing I've ever red on MN. My husband is hairy but has never created a poo crumb. Your DHs choices are wipe bum properly, use wet wipes or take a shower before coming to bed. That or a crack wax. Dirty boy!

Jesus Christ!

I was going to suggest buying him a Clag-Gone bike:

farm1.staticflickr.com/81/228347839_5f5529d352_z.jpg

But "wee and poo water", too??

I'd just buy him a normal bike and tell him to get on the fucker!

YUCK!

My dad leaves skids in the bed as often does wet farts . Unsurprisingly he sleeps in the spare room most nights, but sometimes i change the linen for them when i visit.

God even i feel sick now, and by MN standards i am aright stig of the dump!

Oh my goodness, this gets worse. Skid marks in bed? Poo crumbs? Plus one mumsnetter who has today admitted to having naughty dreams about David Cameron.

WHAT !! That truly is fucking vile. Oh god i can't stop giving myself the what would you rather ultimatum...sleep in a pooey crumbed bed or shag call me Dave. Oh god imagine HIS poo crumbs.

Holy shit.

My husband is so hairy he almost has a pelt but doesn't get bum buttons.

He has however, done shit-stripes and our cleaner was so appalled that she came round with her English-polish dictionary to make sure she was telling me the right thing.

Since we had the kids we sleep separately and his room has the ensuite. Different bathrooms are the way to harmony.

But back to the OP - he sits down for a wee??? How girly!

Is that you Samantha?

Are shit stripes the brown crayoning streaks down the pan Fourwillies? If so why did your cleaner tell you about it? What was she asking you to do?

No they were on the sheets on his side of the bed, caused when he sits down to take off his socks. He admitted that he sometimes suffered from an excess of "acrid bottom gravy" towards the end of the day, when hygiene is at its most deteriorated. My cleaner took exception to having to see them when she changed the sheets. Fair enough.

I don't think I can bear to read the entire thread, sorry...eew! But feel compelled to tell you there's a place called Winnat's Pass in the Peaks :)

Good God and you guys have sex with these men? [not you, obviously, Mrs Koala].

AAHHH yes that's like my dad. but i think it happens in the morning to him. After a night of wet farting he sits on the edge of the bed before he stands up. I like to call it the Turdin Shroud.

OP, amongst all the outrage, I can't help suggesting that your DP should, at the very least, wear underpants in bed. Yes?

Turdin Shroud . Once had the misfortune to stay in a B&B in Cromer where we had to share a bathroom (carpeted) with the host family. Went for a wee and felt like I was walking on tiny bits of Ryvita. On examining my bare feet back in our not so sumptuous quarters they revealed a shit load of tagnuttage, pubes and dog hair.
These little beauties do exist - have a quick wipe round of your bathroom floor tomorrow - please use white cloth/paper - the truth will reveal itself.
FWIW Kim and Aggie were always hopping mad about dangleberries being found in the most unexpected places.
I am sure Viz magazine's Profanisaurus ( precursor to all modern dictionaries) dedicated several pages to bum crumb based vocab. They also covered muffdruff.

Honey, I don't know what to say..how you live with this is beyond me.
A poo shedding man would be vagina repellant to most women..

What!

Dame of all the things I've read on here, your post was the only one that prompted an involuntary clutching of pearls and a curling of the toes