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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my sister not to leave her baby behind when she goes on her honeymoon?

229 replies

Callmecordelia · 31/07/2013 14:00

My nephew is nearly 3 months old, and is a delightful, thriving baby. I get on well with my sister, and she is a great Mum.

She is getting married next year when DN will be about 15 months. We are all helping out with jobs to keep wedding costs down.

Last week, dsis announced she had found dream honeymoon to Bali, and my DPs and the baby's other grandparents would share childcare for two weeks. The two sets of grandparents live about four hours apart, with sister living roughly midway. My parents reacted with fairly understated horror. I told her she was unreasonable, and should modify her expectations. Thought she would see sense, although the face she pulled at the idea of Mark Warner made me think she hadn't listened.

Spoke again this morning. Now the idea seems to be Turkey for a week, leaving baby behind still. This time I was not so polite. I told her that she was being completely unreasonable, the separation anxiety would be awful and she could not leave her child behind. That our parents are exhausted by 2 days with my toddler, who they know very well, and had she considered she would miss her baby?

She was crying when we rang off. I feel bad for raining on her parade.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Tryharder · 31/07/2013 23:01

I initially read it that she was leaving a 3 month old baby behind and agreed with you that it was unfair on both by the baby and the grandparents.

But having reread your OP and seen that the child will be 15 month old, I would not be concerned at all.

If you are so bothered about your grandparents being too old and stressed to look after a toddler, why don't you take time off work and mind him yourself? Sisterly love and all that.......

squoosh · 31/07/2013 23:03

The 'need' for such an extended holiday of seven whole days is that some people, shock horror, actually want a holiday alone as a couple. You do get extra points for sniffy disapproval though.

thistlelicker · 01/08/2013 01:02

I still maintain if wedding is this time next year op dm won't be working as its school holidays! So why couldn't she look after the infant?

xylem8 · 01/08/2013 02:18

all these people posting thatthey have lefttheir toddlers with gps for a week are missingthe point .you had gps who were willing and able to look after your dc

notanyanymore · 01/08/2013 02:25

Its their honeymoon. Their HONEYMOON!!! You made her cry over it?? You need to apologise.

Wuldric · 01/08/2013 02:32

TO the OP - who precisely asked you to voice your opinion on this issue? Is it any business of yours? Your parents are adults. If they don't want to look after their grandchild for a total of 3 days, presumably they have the power of speech and can tell your sister that they don't want to do it.

It really does grate that people think they have rights to interfere when it is none of their business. If you were a truly concerned sister and concerned daughter, instead of imposing your own agenda, why not offer to have your DN for a few days yourself? Or are you too busy telling other people how to live their lives?

exoticfruits · 01/08/2013 06:32

Unfortunately OP you will now get all the people who haven't read the thread and seen your very reasonable update- that is a problem with MN and you need a tough skin!

BlingBang · 01/08/2013 10:02

and a honeymoon is just another holiday these days. maybe once when the virgin bride left her parents house to start her new life etc - but seriously it's just another holiday if the couple have been living together and have kids.

and all these folk who happily had their parents look after your kids for a weekend, week or whatever, hope you are sure they were really up for it and not secretly exhsusted by it but felt they had to help out, especially with young children who are full on, might wake through the night and be up ready for acton at 6am. the op has every right to worry about the effect this might have on her parents - even if the sister doesn't care but thinks a childfree 'honeymoon' trumps all.

amessagetoyouYoni · 01/08/2013 10:09

Well done for being so reasonable and mature, OP. Families are funny old things - we can all blow up and put in our two pennies worth now and then, but its great you have that relationship with your sister where you can revisit when calmer and talk things through. Glad things are resolved.

On a wider note, seeing as this thread seems to have taken on a life of its own, I think this issue - of leaving young children with relatives and going away - is a very emotive one. I left my first child with my mum for five days when he was only 4 months old and went off on a 'girlie' trip to NYC. I had crushing PND and I believe that trip was the start of my recovery, to be honest. It raised a few eyebrows with my 'mum friends' though.

thegoldenfool · 01/08/2013 10:48

OP I have read all the pages and can´t believe the comments you are getting from people who haven´t bothered reading through Grin

as you already know from having a chat with your sister YANBU!

it sounds like a nice family of people who care, worry and talk to each other . . . .

PearlyWhites · 01/08/2013 14:38

Yabvu

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 01/08/2013 14:41

Pearly

Did you read the thread?

themaltesefalcon · 01/08/2013 15:02

I don't know how anyone could leave their toddler for a week for a holiday. For a hospital stay, yes, or to stay with another desperately ill child, yes. But lying in the sun while your kid is in someone else's house hunting around for you? No.

gottachangethename1 · 01/08/2013 15:03

After a very amicable divorce from my ex when DC was 2, I went away for 5 days with a friend. Ex had no problems with looking after DC while I was away. My mum and sisters however were horrified and told me straight that I was selfish & my child would suffer. I still went (no chance of a refund) my child was absolutely fine but it left a lasting impression on me and I never left her again. Ironically my sister now has her own grandchildren for days/weeks on end while her own children go on mini breaks and fortnight holidays without their children.
Proof that there is nothing wrong in leaving a child for a week if they are being well looked after. I was just a mug for listening to their silly opinions.

JenaiMorris · 01/08/2013 16:04

"lying in the sun while your kid is in someone else's house hunting around for you?"

Really? Good grief!

squoosh · 01/08/2013 16:13

'I don't know how anyone could leave their toddler for a week for a holiday. For a hospital stay, yes, or to stay with another desperately ill child, yes. But lying in the sun while your kid is in someone else's house hunting around for you? No.'

That post doesn't have enough melodrama in it for me.

HatieKokpins · 01/08/2013 16:24

I'm glad you spoke to your sister, and you cleared up everything. But: "We are going dress shopping in a few weeks (mad I think - she isn't back to her normal size yet, but I didn't say anything....)"

Oh man, it's her wedding, let her do it HER way! I don't think you're being as reasonable as you think you're being. You're the elder sister, I suspect? Leave her be.

BlingLoving · 01/08/2013 16:26

Squoosh Grin

I can only imagine the way people must have been biting their tongues around me when I left DS for 12 days when he was 7 months old. With his father, but still.

peteypiranha · 01/08/2013 16:29

Its a honeymoon. Why on earth would you want your children there? You want to shag like mad, get drunk and have a crazy time. I dont see th problem tbh.

ontheotherside · 01/08/2013 16:43

"Its a honeymoon. Why on earth would you want your children there? You want to shag like mad, get drunk and have a crazy time."

Maybe it would be smarter then, to have the wedding before the baby? Grin

OP, I have read the whole thing and i think your family sound lovely, and normal. Don't let this thread get to you. Siblings/ageing parents/small children brings many tricky situations - close families weather them without drama though.

peteypiranha · 01/08/2013 16:48

Yeah too late for that though. We married in our teens/age 20 so it was years before the children mainly because all we did was shag and drink. I couldnt think of anything worse than having to take children on a honeymoon.

JenaiMorris · 01/08/2013 17:36

squoosh I'm crying here :(

Imagine them toddling about crying 'mummeeee', looking under the stairs, desolate.

Or maybe just giving their parents a fleeting thought then getting on with being thoroughly overindulged by their grandparents Grin

Lavidaenrosa · 01/08/2013 18:35

Honeymoon after having children... honestly! Wasn't the honeymoon about a shy virgin bride? It's just another bloody holiday and you can shag anywhere and whenever you want now (apart from public places, I suppose).

AnnabelleLee · 01/08/2013 18:38

you know the kid doesn't know if you're on holiday or in hospital or whatever? So what, actually is the difference?
I'll give you a clue, there isn't one

lottieandmia · 01/08/2013 18:39

I've only read the OP but YABU! 15 months is absolutely fine to be left with grandparents. If the grandparents have agreed then it's really none of your business and you sound s bit jealous tbh.

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