To have told my sister not to leave her baby behind when she goes on her honeymoon?

[Callmecordelia]

My nephew is nearly 3 months old, and is a delightful, thriving baby. I get on well with my sister, and she is a great Mum.

She is getting married next year when DN will be about 15 months. We are all helping out with jobs to keep wedding costs down.

Last week, dsis announced she had found dream honeymoon to Bali, and my DPs and the baby's other grandparents would share childcare for two weeks. The two sets of grandparents live about four hours apart, with sister living roughly midway. My parents reacted with fairly understated horror. I told her she was unreasonable, and should modify her expectations. Thought she would see sense, although the face she pulled at the idea of Mark Warner made me think she hadn't listened.

Spoke again this morning. Now the idea seems to be Turkey for a week, leaving baby behind still. This time I was not so polite. I told her that she was being completely unreasonable, the separation anxiety would be awful and she could not leave her child behind. That our parents are exhausted by 2 days with my toddler, who they know very well, and had she considered she would miss her baby?

She was crying when we rang off. I feel bad for raining on her parade.

WIBU?

Sorry - misunderstood!

You were the one that is unreasonable.

I left a nine month old for a 6 days with grandparents while DH and I had a break on our own. A good time was had by all, with lots of days out/treats for her and her then two and a half year old brother. My parents were teachers and very good and confident with kids.

So, I think you are being very unreasonable to assume it is the crime of the century for your sister to contemplate leaving a fifteen month old with a grandparent

YABU

I hope your sister goes on her honeymoon and has a lovely time. At 15 months the baby will undoubtedly be fine and there is plenty of time for him to get used to grandparents and spending nights with them.

I could not have a honeymoon as nobody was prepared to have my dcs after our wedding and reacted to being asked much how you reacted to your sister. I was so upset but had no choice but to accept it and I feel so sad still that we couldn't have a honeymoon.

I really hope your sister has a wonderful time. If it will be too much for your parents why can't you help out as well?

Scarlett - as I have said, many times. On page 1, first of all.

Quite all right Penelope. I am here, waving the end of my tether. Sorry you got the brunt of it.

It is there Honeymoon so I think its only fair they get at least a week away alone! We didn?t take our DS with us when we went, and our family were completly reasonable in this because it wasn?t just a ?holiday?! It would be nice for the family to spend some quality time with the little one especially if they don?t live near surely?

Sorry op just managed to rtft (was on phone when posted and it kept closing the page).

[Smile]

Well she might be beastfeeding for months yet when do you think she should go looking for her dress? I have to be honest you sound like a very judgemental sister.

We go away every year for a week on our own. Our son Has always been absolutely fine. If you can't call in a favour like that...for your honeymoon....it's a bloody shame.

And she will have no newly wedded bliss, It'll be straight back to mummy mode ffs let her have her honeymoon, don't be so miserable about it. It's one week.

Beastfeeding sounds exhausting

OP, you've been very gracious.

monkeynuts wtf are you talking about? In what way exactly, in the care of loved ones, would the baby's needs not be met?

I have RTFT & I actually have a 15 month old boy. Am I qualified to have an opinion?

I have not left him for one night yet (although I am seriously considering it). He would not understand that I was coming back & I know full well that he'd struggle with a week. So would I. Dh has been without ds & dd (3 1/2) for 5 days a few times & he misses them terribly.

A honeymoon is less special if you have kids already, surely?! So she should plod down on that one.

I don't think it was U to mention separation anxiety.

I can't believe she made the assumption that child are would be there. My ds is absolutely full on, exhausting and at his most accident prone at the minute. Only mummy will do. Dd was exactly the same at this age. It's bad timing.

You do however sound superior re dress shopping, wedding bubble & how much closer you are to your parents than her.

There are clearly deeper issues. I do t think you are as reasonable as you might think. But you have a point.

Oh and OP I totally understand your protectiveness over your parents.

My dh and I went to Paris for 5 days when ds was 16 months old, we loved it but probably not as much as ds who was spoilt rotten :), just because you wouldn't do it doesn't mean she can't. It's her honeymoon so stop interfering and being nasty.......

The wedding is a year away neun. I don't see the rush. I think I remember when I bought my dress I ordered it at the last possible moment, so that the seamstress would not have huge amounts of work to do. I think that was what the shop advised, but it was ten years ago. I am fine with being told that I am wrong, and that is not sensible.

But that was me. I may have thought she was being a bit mad, but I did not say. Progress, no?

Anyway, we'll have a fun day out whatever. I wish she hadn't moved away. We all miss her. However, where she is is very practical. even though she wants to come home and is homesick

drizzleit I don't get what you mean?

YABU.

DH and I just got back from our honeymoon, a week in Italy without 16 month old DS. He spend the week with grandparents and had an absolutely wonderful time. Grandparents loved having him. DH and I did miss him terribly of course BUT we needed that time for our honeymoon, our last (possibly ever) holiday together alone as a couple. We were all better for the break. It's for the parents to decide with the grandparents. I would have felt very upset if a relative had judged me so harshly.

Progress, no? Yes well I suppose that is true.

This is the most ridiculous thread. OP just leave it - people do love to get riled up. Well done for talking to y,our sister and being apologetic.

Friends have done similar, to go on a skiing holiday, and the child has survived just fine. Whilst I would have a family honeymoon, your DN will be well cared for. It's their business.

is wedding bliss and having a honeymoon when you are already living as a couple and have kids really that big a deal? why do folk need to head off without kids (not saying it's wrong) on their own? folk who don't get married or who got married then had kids don't usually feel the need to get away alone.

I left dd for Five days when she was 14 months.

She was fine, happy with my parents. Never done it since, I think it's easier when they're under 2 to be honest.

I agree BlingBlang. I don't really see the need for people to have such an extended holiday away from their dc.

Df and I have been together for ten years & are getting married next year. We are 'honeymooning' in Malta for a fortnight, with the dc (5 and 3).

Why would we need to leave them behind and jet off for a fortnight. To get to know each other? After ten years and two children?