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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my sister not to leave her baby behind when she goes on her honeymoon?

229 replies

Callmecordelia · 31/07/2013 14:00

My nephew is nearly 3 months old, and is a delightful, thriving baby. I get on well with my sister, and she is a great Mum.

She is getting married next year when DN will be about 15 months. We are all helping out with jobs to keep wedding costs down.

Last week, dsis announced she had found dream honeymoon to Bali, and my DPs and the baby's other grandparents would share childcare for two weeks. The two sets of grandparents live about four hours apart, with sister living roughly midway. My parents reacted with fairly understated horror. I told her she was unreasonable, and should modify her expectations. Thought she would see sense, although the face she pulled at the idea of Mark Warner made me think she hadn't listened.

Spoke again this morning. Now the idea seems to be Turkey for a week, leaving baby behind still. This time I was not so polite. I told her that she was being completely unreasonable, the separation anxiety would be awful and she could not leave her child behind. That our parents are exhausted by 2 days with my toddler, who they know very well, and had she considered she would miss her baby?

She was crying when we rang off. I feel bad for raining on her parade.

WIBU?

OP posts:
TheToysAreALIVEITellThee · 31/07/2013 14:08

None of your business op. Beak out.

squoosh · 31/07/2013 14:08

Are you always this interfering? Not for the first time I'm thrilled I don't have any sisters.

redskyatnight · 31/07/2013 14:09

I think it's up to your parents and the other grandparents to tell her if they are happy to sort the childcare or not. None of your business and up to her if she wants to leave her baby.

I think the fact your parents can't cope with a toddler for so long and the distance between the gps makes sharing childcare awkward would be justifiable concerns, but it is up to the gps to sort it out or say they can't do it.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 31/07/2013 14:09

Btw if your parents are so exhausted from looking after your toddler, then maybe you should stop asking them?

poshfrock · 31/07/2013 14:09

Sounds to me like you are jealous of your sister having a childfree holiday. My SIL left her 9mth old with my PILs when she went on honeymoon for a week. They had a great holiday and the baby survived. I think you should mind your own business. I can't really see why you are even involved in the discussions.
If the GPs don't want to babysit it is up to them to say so.

Cherriesarelovely · 31/07/2013 14:09

Agree about her not asking the grandparents first though.

ThePowerof3 · 31/07/2013 14:10

Yabu

AnnabelleLee · 31/07/2013 14:10

You should feel bad. You should also call back, apologise, admit you don't have the first clue what you are wittering about, and hope she forgives you.

minniemagoo · 31/07/2013 14:10

Wow, your parents can easy no of they want but it is very u of you to think your sis is out of order leaving her 15 month old behind. I know there are some parents never leave their kids but there are others who do, like us. Mil and Fil have regularly taken some or all of our kids, they have a great relationship. They had dd1 (13mths) for 10 days when we went to the states for a holiday, they kept the youngest every time we went on hol till the youngest was 3, their suggestion that we would enjoy the holiday more, they were right. They had all 3 (6,3,1 at the time) for 15 days when my DF had a stroke and subsequently passed away unexpectantly. I truly believe the reason the kids (and me) coped so well at the time was they were well used to staying at GPS.

DeepPurple · 31/07/2013 14:11

YABVU

What has it got to do with you? Are you jealous? If the GPs are happy then what exactly is the problem?

My family desperately want to look after DD and my parents, sister, and in laws has all looked after her for a week or a weekend each before. She does not have separation anxiety and she is a very happy and confident child.

Not everyone has issues with leaving their children with other loving adults.

I think you owe your sister a massive apology and a huge bunch of flowers.

OTTMummA · 31/07/2013 14:11

Is this reverse AIBU?
If not then someone should tell you to mind your own.
This really has fuck all to do with you.

CreatureRetorts · 31/07/2013 14:11

Is this a reverse AIBU?

YANBU. My dd is a touch older (not PFB) at 19 months. No way would I leave her with the GPs - it is tiring.

However your method of interfering was a bit blunt.

HazleNutt · 31/07/2013 14:12

Is this a reverse AIBU?

HazleNutt · 31/07/2013 14:12

Creature Grin

TerraNotSoFirma · 31/07/2013 14:12

If its okay with the GP's and the parents, it's none of your business.

YoniBottsBumgina · 31/07/2013 14:12

Yes.

Her baby, her choice. YABU.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 31/07/2013 14:12

Yabu and it's not your business.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 31/07/2013 14:13

I have a younger sister like you who can't resist telling me her opinion if things aren't done the way she thinks they should be Hmm

She is incredibly annoying and is usually ignored or told to keep her nose out when she's being especially twattish!

Original poster
Callmecordelia · 31/07/2013 14:14

Ok. I will apologise. Thanks for showing me another side to things!

Quite surprised that people think that it is ok to leave the toddler for a week. Fwiw, she didn't check with my parents before, and they don't want to do it. They thought they had been clear, but obviously weren't. I have discussed it with DM.

My DD and I lived with them for a year, so they know her much better - they see DN once every two months. Different situation, and they have never provided free childcare. They both still work full time.

OP posts:
squoosh · 31/07/2013 14:14

If this is a reverse AIBU I will grimace dramatically and raise my fist to the screen.

IceNoSlice · 31/07/2013 14:15

YABVU. No response from the OP?

Whothefuckfarted · 31/07/2013 14:15

The separation anxiety relates to how the baby feels, not the parents. All babies will go through this developmental stage to a certain degree. It happens between 8 and 18 months old.

I do think it's between your parents and your sister though. Not really your place to say anything at all.

Scruffey · 31/07/2013 14:15

Well I would not have left mine at 15mo. But it's her choice not yours so you should prob let her and the grandparents sort it out.

HighBrows · 31/07/2013 14:15

You are being utterly unreasonable.

D0oinMeCleanin · 31/07/2013 14:15

I left dd1 for a week when she was 10 months old. She didn't seem to notice tbh. We did it again when she was 15 months old for a long weekend. I phoned her and she refused to come to the phone because she was busy playing in nana's bath with her dolly.

Again at 3, again she did not seem bothered. Every time she spoke to us she would ask what present we were bringing her home and then bugger off to play again. We ended up bringing her a little sister home. When she found out she told us it was the worst present in the world and we should've brought her a real monkey home instead Hmm

YABVU.

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