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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my sister not to leave her baby behind when she goes on her honeymoon?

229 replies

Callmecordelia · 31/07/2013 14:00

My nephew is nearly 3 months old, and is a delightful, thriving baby. I get on well with my sister, and she is a great Mum.

She is getting married next year when DN will be about 15 months. We are all helping out with jobs to keep wedding costs down.

Last week, dsis announced she had found dream honeymoon to Bali, and my DPs and the baby's other grandparents would share childcare for two weeks. The two sets of grandparents live about four hours apart, with sister living roughly midway. My parents reacted with fairly understated horror. I told her she was unreasonable, and should modify her expectations. Thought she would see sense, although the face she pulled at the idea of Mark Warner made me think she hadn't listened.

Spoke again this morning. Now the idea seems to be Turkey for a week, leaving baby behind still. This time I was not so polite. I told her that she was being completely unreasonable, the separation anxiety would be awful and she could not leave her child behind. That our parents are exhausted by 2 days with my toddler, who they know very well, and had she considered she would miss her baby?

She was crying when we rang off. I feel bad for raining on her parade.

WIBU?

OP posts:
shotofexpresso · 31/07/2013 14:15

While I agree with first idea of 2 weeks was a bit of a stretch for all involved,

You behaved absolutely dispicably on the phone, I'm getting married soon and will be leaving my 4 year old and nearly 1 year old with a much trusted and loved grandparent for a week, for the first 'proper' holiday I've had in 8 years , get off your fucking high horse and mind your own buisness.

BridgetBidet · 31/07/2013 14:16

YABU. Particularly to start dictating to her where she should go.

IceNoSlice · 31/07/2013 14:17

Ah, crossed posts. Good on you for accepting YABU. There is always more to a story than you can convey in a post, and it sounds like you didn't act out of spite, just misguided. But apologise, then leave this to your DM and DSIS to sort out, eh?

Cravey · 31/07/2013 14:18

So it's ok for your parents to look after your child but not hers ? You sound really nasty tbh and it's none of your business. If the grandparents are happy then what is it to do with anyone else ? With a sibling like you your poor sister really doesn't need any enemies does she ???

MissBeehiving · 31/07/2013 14:19

Dsis left my DN (then 15 months old) with my parents to go on her honeymoon and then skiing a few weeks later. She didn't ask them first, just booked both times and expected them to make arrangements. DM was still working full time at the time, and as a teacher couldn't take any leave. DN wasn't sleeping through at all. Parents were knackered and one day during the week I had to leave work because DF had a migraine and was being sick and couldn't care for DN.

Anyway, I didn't say anything I wish I had but DN showed her displeasure by refusing to be handed back to Dsis when they arrived to pick her up. Grin

shotofexpresso · 31/07/2013 14:19

Ok seen you're repost, If you're parents don't want to they need to man up and say so.

MumnGran · 31/07/2013 14:19

2 weeks in Bali ( a very very long flight!) was unreasonable....and your sister obviously took that on board.
One week, with only a short flight back to the UK in an emergency, and with a baby of 15 months is not at all unreasonable!
The only thing you could have mentioned (tactfully!) is whether the GP's are happy to handle this version of the honeymoon.However, they are old enough and I am sure bold enough to have that discussion for themselves.

You should call her back, apologise and try to mend some fences.!

And for what its worth.......in terms of the baby's welfare, it would probably be best to stay with one set of GP's rather than move around

Lj8893 · 31/07/2013 14:21

YABU.

It is up to your sister and both sets of GPs to decide what shall happen. Nothing to do with you unless you are being asked to babysit also.

1 week for a honeymoon is a perfectly acceptable time for a child to stay with grandparents.

Viviennemary · 31/07/2013 14:21

It's nothing to do with you. Nobody has asked you. If everyone involved is willing then fine.

3boys3dogshelp · 31/07/2013 14:22

Yabu, it's not for you to tell your sister what to do for her honeymoon, although she should have asked your parents first.
Can you not offer to have him for at least some of the week to take pressure off your parents?

GW297 · 31/07/2013 14:22

YABU - she should jump at the chance of a week's child free holiday for her honeymoon and her son will have a lovely time with his grandparents who love him.

eurochick · 31/07/2013 14:22

If the GPs want to say "no" that's one thing, but it is really not for you to interfere. YABcompletelyU.

Jan49 · 31/07/2013 14:23

I wouldn't have left my dc at that age but I think it's up to your sister if she is willing to and up to the gps if they are willing to provide the care. I don't understand why you're involved.

maja00 · 31/07/2013 14:24

It's up to the grandparents to say no if they don't want to.

In principle, there's nothing wrong with leaving a 15 month old with GPs for a week if everyone is happy with it.

maddy68 · 31/07/2013 14:24

But still it's not up to you to tell that the gps don't want to its up to the gps to do that themselves

Crinkle77 · 31/07/2013 14:25

YABU to tell her what to do and it really isn't your business

LazyMonkeyButler · 31/07/2013 14:25

Well, if your DParents know your DD "much better" than DN, maybe this would be an excellent opportunity for them to get to know their other grandchild better?

We left our then 13 month old DS with my parents for a week to go on honeymoon within Europe. My parents did insist offer though, in fact the honeymoon was their wedding present to us as we would not have afforded one otherwise.

If your DM doesn't want to look after DN for the week though, that is a different matter and she needs to say so in no uncertain terms. I just hope it's not being put across to your sister as "well, yes, we would have Cordelia's DD for a week but not yours because we don't know her". That would hurt. A lot.

Original poster
Callmecordelia · 31/07/2013 14:25

Woah. OK. I get it....

I am not really that bad a sister, honest.

OP posts:
giantpurplepeopleeater · 31/07/2013 14:26

Jesus YABVU.

Her child, her family, her choice. You should learn to mind your own business and not push your opinions and standards on others.

A week away from a 15month old will not cause 'lasting seperation anxiety'.

MortifiedAdams · 31/07/2013 14:26

Stop trying to fight your parents battle. She could send her ds to the INlaws for the week - you parents saying no doesnt automatically mean she wont be able to go.

My dd is 19mo and would bloody love a week of uninterrupted grandparent time.

DuelingFanjo · 31/07/2013 14:26

"They both still work full time."

so clearly your sister is being totally unreasonable ecpecting other people to take holiday to look after her child.

YANBU to have told her what you think.

Original poster
Callmecordelia · 31/07/2013 14:27

And they wouldn't have DD for a week either. Mum is a senior teacher, full time, and almost permanently exhausted.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 31/07/2013 14:28

personally I think you should offer to babysit for a chunk of time as an apology. You were really out of line poking your nose in and making your sister cry.

She's compromised and you want it your way or the high way. Controlling much?

ceeveebee · 31/07/2013 14:29

I think to make amends for your terrible behaviour, you should offer to stay with your parents to help look after DN for a week

giantpurplepeopleeater · 31/07/2013 14:29

Think you owe your sister a massive apology..... talk about judging someone unneccesarilly.

As for your parents, their relationship to their grandchildren (your and hers) etc, it matters not.

Its between your parents and your sister - and your parent shoudl speak to her if they don't want to it. Doesn't mean she won't leave her DD with her ILs. And if she does, suck it up without saying anything.

I'll bet your sister feels wonderfully supported by her family now!