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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left them all to go and get something to eat?

272 replies

DfanjoUnchained · 30/07/2013 21:01

In short:

Dp's mother and sister come over at 3pm, still sitting around at 7.30pm but don't want to eat.

I'm starving, having a very painful and heavy period (sorry) and ds (7months) needs to eat too. I didnt have lunch either as ds teething and v difficult at the moment.

Dp was meant to cook or get food; he did neither. It got to half 7 and I couldn't wait any longer and said I needed to eat something as was feeling unwell. I asked what they all wanted to do and they said they would eat at home, fine.

I said goodbye to mil and sil and said sorry, ive really got to go, feeling unwell etc hope you dont mind, they said no go its fine. I left with ds and ate out.
When I get back they're gone and P is really angry, says my attitude was terrible and I shouldn't have 'stormed out'.

Apparent SIL feels unwelcome now Confused and I need to apologise if I want any kind of friendship with her. Was I meant to sit there and starve before another night of no sleep due to teething baby and horrible period pains??

Tbh I'm so annoyed at him for not supporting me, he knew I was feeling like shit and didnt support me.

OP posts:
Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 31/07/2013 23:06

Love the removing contact lenses as a hint Grin

I came home after dinner and we both just started chatting like normal. Ds was in such a lovely mood, we couldn't keep up the argument (although I don't think we both wanted to).

I am going to see how things go after the move when we're all settled in. Also we've just started counselling so my dsis did say when you first start its like popping a big boil - all the crap comes out first and takes a while to heal. I think this has affected us too.

This thread did cheer me up though, some of you are wonderful

OP posts:
Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 31/07/2013 23:08

I know Murder :( I don't know if my hormones are clouding my judgement and make me very negative though? It's all very confusing right now. I swing from being very happy and getting on well to this sort of thing.

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 31/07/2013 23:15

Think you need space more than anything. Are you doing couples counselling?

BurningBridges · 31/07/2013 23:18

Dfanjo I feel for you. When I had my first baby more than 10 years ago, c-section, unable to breast feed, baby blues the works, in-laws were invited round, turned up 2 hours late and then sat on the sofa till gone 6pm, so I said I am really tired now and need to sort dinner out so can we call it a day and I'll see you all really soon, we can go out with baby etc.

They silently filed out and never spoke to me again from that day to this. Their loss.

PomBearArmy · 01/08/2013 01:20

I'm glad things are better tonight OP. I don't want to put a downer on things, but I think you should start getting a contigency plan together just in case...

Please stop tying yourself in knots trying to please him. If the baby is crying at 6am, at the very least he should be the one going downstairs if he can't deal with it. Stop pandering to him. If he's selfish, you be selfish too - put you and baby first. I was in a similar relationship. Ironically it was when I fell out of love, stopped being a doormat and turned into a zero tolerance bitch with one foot out of the door that he suddenly starting trying to make things work. You clearly can't rely on him to put you both first, so make sure YOU do. Leave him to organise his own stuff.

I know this was never about not having food in, sorry for mentioning it, but just having some basic tinned stuff in the cupboard could have avoided that urgent situation, and you could have called him a selfish prick when they'd left! I hope things work out.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 01/08/2013 02:00

Burningbridges Sad

Although actually maybe a lucky escape from a life with such fuckwits.. So Grin

Wuldric · 01/08/2013 02:48

What I don't get is why you just didn't pop to the shop, get some fresh pasta and some stuff to make a sauce, cook it, serve it, and complain loudly and longly to your captive audience that your DH was supposed to do this but turned out incompetent again ...

Deal or no deal I wouldn't let anyone go unfed.

UptoapointLordCopper · 01/08/2013 07:44

Because she's not a martyr? Because she hasn't got a mission to feed people who don't want to be fed?

Emilythornesbff · 01/08/2013 07:47

The "guests" didn't want to eat wuldric
And OP's DP had said he would sort food anyway, so if there was any pushing dinner to be done he should have done it really.

It's too hard with a baby, when you're hormonal and tired. Ppl sitting about at dinner time / kids bath/bed time. Piss off!
If that was my DH's sister she would have brought something and made it for all of us. Or DH would've cooked and left a mess. Gotta have something to complain about Grin
Anyway. We're all different but OP, YWNBU.
Good luck.

Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 01/08/2013 07:48

Because I was so fucking tired and worn out that I didnt want to cook something from scratch (when P had prokosed to) that would take ages - ds had become very grumpy and clingy to me and screamed when handed to anyone else
So I thought the best thing to do was to was to go with him and get cooked for. Comprende?

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 01/08/2013 07:49

X post (side effect of writing a bloody monologue)

Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 01/08/2013 07:49

Thanks Emily and LordCopper

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 01/08/2013 07:52

Welcome.
Hope you're ok.

ArrowofApollo · 01/08/2013 08:23

Glad things were better and it looks like you may have a potential ally in your SIL. Hope it continues!

Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 01/08/2013 08:29

Yes, we've always got in really well, hence why I was very surprised at P saying how upset she was. I knew he was over egging it as she understands me (we're quite alike).

Feeling much better today as I've been looking after myself more like PomBear said. I'm going to be more selfish now (and obv look after my ds) but I'm a better mum when I'm fully fed and rested so that's my priority.

I told P that he has himself covered and always looks after himself, so I don't need to too!

Me and sil are off shopping today, glad the suns out

OP posts:
KoalaFace · 01/08/2013 08:30

I just read the 10 whole pages like Shock

Got to page 3 and was like "still with the 'why didn't you just cook something' shit?!"

Little did I know that some odd bods would still be harping on about it on page 10.

OP YDDANBU.

I hope your days keep getting better. If you manage to get to the shops (or your OH finally goes) try an get some supplies so you can have a few days relaxing without worrying about food.

You sound exhausted and like you need a good rest.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 01/08/2013 08:49

God, is leaving the house and getting you and a child fed a fucking crime?

You learn something stupid surrendered wifeish new every day on MN.

nauticant · 01/08/2013 08:52

And still the snipers come along for a pop. This is an extraordinary thread.

YABU OP and I'm glad to see things are looking brighter today.

nauticant · 01/08/2013 08:54

Aargh! YWNBU OP. After my little speech I now look like an arse.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 01/08/2013 08:55

Grin nauticant

Everyone knows what you meant.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 01/08/2013 09:24

I think someone pointed out, like aeons ago, on page 2 or something, that there were four adults in the kitchen. So the only possible reason OP should have had to feed them is that she's the one with a vagina. Misogyny, pure and simple. (which doesn't go particularly well with 'fresh pasta' IMO)

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 01/08/2013 10:23

Wuldric, your post actually made me slap myself on the forehead!

ArrowofApollo · 01/08/2013 12:47

Maybe Wuldric is the OP's MIL....

waltermittymissus · 01/08/2013 22:34

What I don't get is why you just didn't pop to the shop, get some fresh pasta and some stuff to make a sauce, cook it, serve it

Er, cause she doesn't fucking have to! Hmm

Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 01/08/2013 22:43

^ Grin

OP posts:
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