To have left them all to go and get something to eat?

[DfanjoUnchained]

In short:

Dp's mother and sister come over at 3pm, still sitting around at 7.30pm but don't want to eat.

I'm starving, having a very painful and heavy period (sorry) and ds (7months) needs to eat too. I didnt have lunch either as ds teething and v difficult at the moment.

Dp was meant to cook or get food; he did neither. It got to half 7 and I couldn't wait any longer and said I needed to eat something as was feeling unwell. I asked what they all wanted to do and they said they would eat at home, fine.

I said goodbye to mil and sil and said sorry, ive really got to go, feeling unwell etc hope you dont mind, they said no go its fine. I left with ds and ate out.
When I get back they're gone and P is really angry, says my attitude was terrible and I shouldn't have 'stormed out'.

Apparent SIL feels unwelcome now and I need to apologise if I want any kind of friendship with her. Was I meant to sit there and starve before another night of no sleep due to teething baby and horrible period pains??

Tbh I'm so annoyed at him for not supporting me, he knew I was feeling like shit and didnt support me.

[nkf]

I think something happens to MN in the summer holidays. Same as the run up to Christmas. Some sort of - I don't know - oddness seems to emerge. The level of disbelief that someone could have empty cupboards is just weird.

My take on it is that the OP is being made to feel that she has been rude. Her DP was meant to bring food home and didn't. I read the post as checking out what she had done against other people's judgement. Because when you're in a situation, it can be hard to see what's going on. Especially if you are tired and hungry.

And it's turned into some sort of weirdo domestic goddess thread.

[sweetestcup]

"DH and I have a whole emergency operation in place in case of guests when there's no food in the house."

Oooh is that like a zombie apocalypse plan?

OP, good luck with your DP, only you can know if hes going to be the supportive partner you deserve, and am concerned you didnt do something about your lack of food earlier, was this fear of upsetting your DP or something.

[Flobbadobs]

Come to think of it, we have an emergency plan as well. It's called "going to our local Chinese and let them cook for us". Which, in a sense is kind of what Dfanjo did...
I hope she's currently snoring loud enough to keep her P awake all night but quietly enough to let the baby sleep through..

[mamalovesmojitos]

Only on mumsnet could people read the op and find fault with the author. Mad!

Op YADNBU. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Yes, I think you do need some space and some TLC in your mums if you can. Your 'd'p is being a complete arse and you are obviously not comfortable enough in your own house to assert yourself for basic needs! You poor thing. I've been there myself and it's rotten. Mind yourself and remember YOU WERE NOT IN THE WRONG. AT ALL. Try and build up the confidence to do what YOU want when you need to. You do not deserve that kind of treatment. Best of luck x.

[liquidstate]

Dear lord. The amount of fussing on here about the contents of a cupboard. When you are tired and feeling lousy you don't always fancy toast or whatever staple is in the cupboard. I think the OP was right to leave. My cupboards and fridge are bare just before the big shop so I wouldn't be able to cook anything decent and the OP did state she had emptied the freezer. What was she supposed to do - sit there gnawing on a bit of stale cheese and raw carrot?

Also for all those posting about getting a takeaway delivered. How much spare money do you have a month? I can't afford takeaways unless its a real emergency (ie relative in hospital or something). MIL and SIL sitting on their arse on my sofa would not constitute grounds for the extra expense.

OP - take yourself to your mums and have a break with tasty food and an extra pair of hands for a day or two. You sound like you need it. I'm sure the ILs arent really that upset, sounds like damage limitation on DHs part.

[ilovesooty]

I just don't get the focus on the food/cupboards either, or the criticism of the OP.

Looking at other stuff you've posted I think he sounds utterly vile. And I bet the stuff about your sil feeling unwelcome isn't even true.

I hope your mum gives you the TLC you need.

[cranverry]

I hope you can get a good sleep tonight and go to your mums for a bit if rest if that's an option. YANBU as your partner sounds less than helpful. If you agreed he'd get food in then he should have got food in. And cooked you all a meal.
I sympathize with the heavy periods and feeling faint. I suffered anaemia during pregnancy and my iron levels still plummet when I have my period so I rely on iron tablets to get me through the worst of the days. Maybe speak to a doctor about it.

[OnTheNingNangNong]

OP, YANBU. your partner is a twat. You are not. Good on you for getting food for you and DS.

Go to your mums and get some space, your partner really isn't much of a partner to you. I hope your DS sleeps well for you tonight!

[PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline]

I want to hear more about the emergency food operation.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

YANBU but OP...do an online shop next week. I know the pain of being disorganised re shopping and once you've got kids you just HAVE to have food in. Even if you only have some dried pasta, a few tins of beans and a frozen pizza you need food in the house....if one of you gets ill, you don't need the added worry of no dinner.

[Sheshelob]

I think Fakebook might be married to the Milk Tray Man...

[MurderOfGoths]

sheshelob

[Fakebook]

Haha, or even James Bond...

[DrCoconut]

The dreaded cup of tea and biscuit brigade. They think because they can
last all day on a bloody digestive so can the rest of us. I have to eat when I need to as I get migraines with irregular food intake. People can take it or leave it at my house but it can make things difficult when at someone else's if they are not really eaters. I have been known to take cereal bars to discreetly snack on.

[BlackeyedSusan]

actually, can mashpot and hobnobs just bugger off now, or at least name change. I am rather short of useful food at the moment as the fridge freezer died and we are going away. loads of tins, but nowhere to store the remainder of the contents.

dfanjo. yanbu. sounds like you relationship could do with a good rethink.

[foreverondiet]

Very rude to go out. Understand why your family feel that way.

Totally fine to say at say at 6pm, don't mind me just going to make dinner so will be pottering around in kitchen, why not bring a chair in and chat while I cooking. I do this when people round regularly.

[Flobbadobs]

RTFT forever...

[foreverondiet]

Ok see lack food... Think should have made /eaten something - no pasta / rice / biscuits etc even if something you didn't fancy. If literally nothing probably should have called for take away. If neither possible should have said to them - look I have literally not a morsel in the house and nowhere delivers so have to go out to get food, would you like to come with?

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

Christ, will people read the bloody thread ., it's not about the lack of food in the cupboards!!

She asked them if they wanted to eat, they replied no.
She was hungry so went out to eat, they had been there since 3 after all.

Her dh is the issue here, firstly by not cooking as he had promised , not supporting OP with sorting out the visitors and getting them to leave then blaming her for upsetting his sister.

Go to your Mum's if you think you need a break from your dh, he sounds like a prat.

[Pollydon]

Yup, My ILs once came to take me out to lunch when dh was away .I was 7 months pg & constantly starving. They arrived at 1 pm, I went to get my coat, they informed me that theyd just had brunch, we would go for lunch about 4 . So I cooked a Shepherds pie, SMIL was besides herself, couldn't I wait to eat until 4 ??? Erm , no.
But they do have a funny controlling thing about food ! All of Corse reported by them to dh, who told them they were BVU.

[Pollydon]

Oh & your dh sounds like a twat & you sound lovely op.

[DfanjoUnchained]

P said he was defending me to them, not sure if I believe him tbh, can't imagine him having my back. He has a very toxic relationship with his mother so it's all very complicated.

He's giving me the silent treatment this morning, although I haven't tried to talk to him. Going to call sil in the afternoon and try and not let it ruin my day.

It just seems to be argument after argument followed by a disagreement. Yesterday morning I took ds into living room from 6am until 9am so P could sleep. I think about his well being like that all the time, sadly I'm always overlooked. Not sure I want/can live like that.

[DfanjoUnchained]

I think it's got worse since he started working from home, so he's here all the time without an office space. I have to be out a lot to give him space to work. But sometimes I just want to crash at home rather than go to baby classes or friends

[nkf]

Go to your mum's house and have a break. Working from home is a readjustment. So is a seven month old. Try not to stress. When is the move coming up?

[MelanieCheeks]

There's a mismatch of expectations here. They arrived at 3 - what time were you expecting them to stay till?

You were expecting P to arrive with food - when he didn't did you say anything at that point, like "oh well I'll need to go and get some food then"