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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think well done, Kate, but...

193 replies

bloodynurseries · 30/07/2013 17:03

It's great she had a drug free birth.

But I've seen a few posts today implying that those of us who didn't manage a drug free birth or a 'drugged birth' as one person said somewhere else, are lesser mothers? It just seems like it's yet another stick for mothers to beat each other with.

OP posts:
mrslyman · 31/07/2013 11:57

I've had a drug free birth (and one with drugs) it was 11 months ago and am STILL waiting for my medal to turn up

Rooners · 31/07/2013 11:59

I'm not exactly proud of having given birth. I mean I'm glad I did, for me, as I haven't done anything else with my life and I suppose it's a bit like an extra GCSE or something Smile

Also the children are rather nice

But having had an epidural with d1, and a totally drug free 3hr jobby with ds2, I demanded an epidural when I was having ds3.

I was fobbed off for AGES before they finally dragged in someone to di it and by that time he was almost out anyway, but I got it for the final 20 minutes or so.

I kept saying to her, I DO want one, I've done it both ways and have NOTHING to prove so be quiet about 'you can manage it without' and just give me the DRUGS.

I would highly recommend epidurals to anyone and everyone tbh. It's awful without!

Angelico · 31/07/2013 12:00

OP instead of sharing the FB page so other masochists can go and torture themselves why the hell don't you just UNLIKE it?! I mean, seriously! Confused

gotthemoononastick · 31/07/2013 12:03

My cosmetic surgery of choice was vaginal and bladder repair in my 40's!! Pain relief was not an option in the dark ages and you pushed or died.

Glad for anyone to have any help whatsoever and yay!!! for anyone who has an elective c-section,thus avoiding above damage.

There is no medal for stoicism!

tabulahrasa · 31/07/2013 12:03

"I'm not exactly proud of having given birth. I mean I'm glad I did, for me, as I haven't done anything else with my life and I suppose it's a bit like an extra GCSE or something smile

Also the children are rather nice"

rofl

I had a bit of the - look, I made a whole new person! thing going on, but whether I got it out without drugs or not, meh...

mezza123 · 31/07/2013 12:04

I had a drug free birth because 10lb DD blasted her way out quite fast so not enough time! It was nothing I did and no reflection on my toughness (although I pretend it was). It also wasn't very painful as it was quick too.

mrslyman · 31/07/2013 12:07

I was being sarcastic about the medal btw.

What I will say is that I decided not to have any drugs in my second birth due to the incredibly shit affect they had on my PFB, you can't really deny that morphine based pain relief and epidurals have potential side affects for the babies just because it makes you feel better about your choices.

Although I do understand why the pain relief is a necessary part of childbirth for many many women, and would lay the blame for it being necessary at inadequate maternity provision that does very little to encourage a safe environment for women to give birth in that would make much of this pain relief unnecessary rather than with anyone using pain relief.

Twirlyhot · 31/07/2013 12:14

If you want what's safest for the baby with he least risk of side effects then we should all have c sections.

pianodoodle · 31/07/2013 12:15

I like your birth plan greygardens

tabulahrasa · 31/07/2013 12:17

"What I will say is that I decided not to have any drugs in my second birth due to the incredibly shit affect they had on my PFB, you can't really deny that morphine based pain relief and epidurals have potential side affects for the babies just because it makes you feel better about your choices."

But bad labours also have potential side effects for babies, sometimes massively serious ones.

No-one should be feeling guilty for asking for pain relief, or for deciding that a CS is a better option...and definitely not if they were planning on no intervention and things went wrong.

Owllady · 31/07/2013 12:17

you all gave birth, millions and millions and women have done it all over the world since the beginning of time

no-one deserves a medal for anything birth related and no-one deserves to feel a failure either

we couldn't even manage the healthy mum and healthy baby bit with my first one. using drugs or not using drugs is not something to get all hoity toity about imo

Owllady · 31/07/2013 12:18

I also do not believe for one second the Royal family will release any information at all to the press about the details of the birth - it's a private matter

LinghamStyle · 31/07/2013 12:20

I had only 2 paraceptamol when in labour with DD1, ended up in an EmCS. So with DD2 I decided to have everything they offered me, and again it ended in an EmCS.

I don't care what people think about me for the choices I made.

x2boys · 31/07/2013 12:24

she may well have had a drug free birth but did she have to be induced two weeks late have her waters broken find out baby was lying back to back and after17 hours in the delivery suite finally give birth with the aid of a ventouse like me with ds2 I had every drug on offer or with ds1 waters break naturally but not dilating taken to delivery suite on xmas day as the gel thing [that's supposed to make you go into labour] despite being applied several times did buggar all baby born finally at 5.50 am boxing day with cord wrapped around his neck three times blue and not breathing [fortunately he was ok after a bit of oxygen I had every painkiller going on that occasion so well done kate?1

MamaChubbyLegs · 31/07/2013 12:25

I had a drug free birth with DS. Back to back and on oxytocin drip. It was NOT my choice. There was nothing dignified or admirable about it. I have never screamed so much in my entire life, let alone the other animal noises and projectile vomitting that were going on while I descended into actual terror while midwife laughed

I look at people who managed to get the drugs they needed to make their experience a little more pleasant, and I feel cheated, to be honest. I should have been in mummy bliss when he was born, but it was just relief and immediate horror at what they'd let me go through for 20 hours.

I am not proud of my labour. It was torture. I am proud of whatever muscle I used to fire him out of my fanjo after 1 and a half hours of pushing though, just because it was such a surprise!

Birth isn't a competition. All births are different. Some people need drugs, some people don't. If she didn't need them (because I'm sure she would have got them if she was screaming the place down for them), she was lucky. That's all.

BlackeyedSusan · 31/07/2013 12:28

ah wwell. when they have drug free dentistry o drug free surgery, then they can boast. Grin afte all getting a bit of you body sliced open without drugs is easy isn't it? (episiotomy)

notso · 31/07/2013 12:31

That facebook page is so incredibly smug.

I just parped my 2 stone baby out of my miniscule fanjo and was up and ready to spout more tedious drivel within 10 seconds. The nurses thought I was some kind of miracle but all women are a marvelous as me, no?

I didn't even notice I was having a baby I just carried on working out when there was a little thud on the treadmill and there was my baby. I finished my workout before finding out the sex lol.

KellyElly · 31/07/2013 12:50

I don't give a shiny shit what anyone else does/did during childbirth. I had an epidural and if I ever go through the same pain again in my life I will be taking as many drugs as I can get Grin

miaowmix · 31/07/2013 12:53

Thanks pianodoodle. It is true fact tht when I had to sign for my emcs they drs were apologising, saying sorry it's come to this and I was all 'where do I sign?'. I do regret not having an elective as I had a case for it (fibroids plus other history) but I would have felt properly cheated if I had done it drug free Smile. Illegal I would have taken too, for sure.

GoodMorningMoon · 31/07/2013 13:12

You know what'd be hilarious? If Kate becomes all sanctimummy now that she has The Prince Baby George.

Like going on about all her parenting choices (I.e., natural birthing, ebf, babywearing, cosleeping) and saying, "Because I'm mother to the prince, ye peasants. "

*DISCLAIMER: I don't care a jot about anyone's parenting choices. Just sayin'.

greencatseyes · 31/07/2013 13:15

An aside:

I've had a wide variety of birth experiences.

She didn't have any needle scars on her arms when she came out. There's no hiding them if you had a cannula for drugs or induction.

Also baby's head perfect, not misshapen or bruised - so therefore likely not instrumental birth.

Lucky her.
I think being lucky enough to feel supported, and l having continuity of care with midwives and consultants, and having everyone around you knowing and supporting your wishes probably goes a lot towards feeling relaxed enough to feel able to cope with pain, and let your body get on with it and give birth.

I must say I am pretty fed up of hearing that she 'delivered' a baby.
GAVE BIRTH to a baby. He did not arrive in the post.

Bogeyface · 31/07/2013 13:17

I am always slightly disparaging of anyone who feels the need to point out that they had a drug free birth in a way that is clearly designed to show how much better a woman and mother they are. I was off my tits on anything they would give in all but 1 of my births, and I feel no shame or pain about it.

I have been known to ask if they got their medal in their Bounty pack or if they got it through the post Wink

Treagues · 31/07/2013 13:21

urgh at 'the best start in life, without drugs'
We are not talking flooding a baby's system with heroin here Hmm

Good on all of us for giving birth and how lucky we are that we can access pain relief and half-way decent medical care.

I remember how interesting it all was when my friends and I had our first babies. It wasn't judgemental, I wanted to know about the wide range of experience. (I really couldn't give a tinker's cuss now, though.)

ICBINEG · 31/07/2013 13:23

I sometimes wonder if people actually realise that childbirth doesn't cause even approximately the same pain to all mothers?

I can say with reasonable confidence that if you had been in the same pain that I experienced then you would also have demanded pain relief.

If you didn't demand pain relief then you didn't experience the same level of pain that I did.

I hope that clears it up a bit...

Bogeyface · 31/07/2013 13:33

Thats not necessarily true ICBINEG

I get cross when I am in pain, which is not a good emotion when you are giving birth and it is going to go on for some hours. My sister panics and gets frightened when she is in pain, so again, not good. For many women it isnt how much pain they are in but how they deal with it. In my case, an epidural helped me to calm down, my pent up emotion was actually slowing labour down.