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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think well done, Kate, but...

193 replies

bloodynurseries · 30/07/2013 17:03

It's great she had a drug free birth.

But I've seen a few posts today implying that those of us who didn't manage a drug free birth or a 'drugged birth' as one person said somewhere else, are lesser mothers? It just seems like it's yet another stick for mothers to beat each other with.

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 30/07/2013 20:42

Having said all the stuff about how you can't compare different births in different women ... if a birth goes well for any woman that's a good thing isn't it ? It's just a shame there's a slight competitive element - with not everyone recognising that all mothers just do what they need to do at the time.

Also if she breastfeeds I for one will be pleased about that, partly because it encourages breastfeeding in others, and partly because like many people I have a media fuelled slight obsession with Kate and her baby, and that's what I did with mine.

Trigglesx · 30/07/2013 20:51

I've had two babies without any pain relief and one with an epidural. The first baby was 27 years ago, and I was young and just wanted to get through it without the meds if possible, and was luckily able to do so. The second baby came too fast for pain relief meds Grin and the third was induced by IV and no way in hell was I doing that without pain relief!! My biggest concern was having healthy babies. I don't feel smug, inadequate, or anything other than relieved and happy that my babies were okay.

I don't understand this idea that how you gave birth is "better" than another method. You gave birth. End of. The rest doesn't matter IMO.

Munchmallow · 30/07/2013 20:54

She never really looked pregnant (just a little round tummy) and she certainly didn't look as if she had just given birth when she left the hospital.

I think someone else did it for her.

Only half joking.

emilyeggs · 30/07/2013 20:55

You would have pain relief if you went in to hospital for any other procedure that is painful, why is child birth seen different!

Trigglesx · 30/07/2013 21:00

emilyeggs exactly. If you need or want pain relief, you should have it. It's just silly to turn it into some kind of "one-upmanship" about whether or not you had pain relief.

I think part of the problem is that people refer to going without pain meds as "natural" childbirth, somehow implying that anything else is "unnatural" by default.

MNHQ
OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet · 30/07/2013 21:04

@WorraLiberty

Am I the only one laughing at 'Well done Kate'? Grin

It's like you're congratulating another MNetter

How do you know she's not......??????
GrinHmmGrin

FrozenNorthPole · 30/07/2013 21:08

I had two drug free births. No one cared. I didn't expect them to Confused

I was mildly pleased as I wondered what my pain tolerance was like, and found out. To me, gas and air did 'count' as a drug because it's a pharmacological analgesic. Do I think I did better than anyone else? F*ck no. Do I actually ever mention it to anyone - except if someone asks specifically or on a thread like this - no.

I feel lucky I got the birth I wanted but I feel 1000 times MORE lucky I got my amazing children.

I get a bit pissed off, though, when I read "why would you DO that, I wouldn't have my tooth out without an anesthetic, you don't get a medal you know, such a martyr etc. ...". I'm not about to interrogate you about your birth, do me a favour and don't judge me on mine.

TheOldestCat · 30/07/2013 21:11

Anyone who implies other mothers are lesser because of the way babies were brought into the world is a twat.

I'm not smug about my gas&air only births. Mother Nature (and 9lb3oz DS) left me with a rectal prolapse. She's the smug one Grin

TheOldestCat · 30/07/2013 21:12

Agree, FrozenNorthPole. But I wish one could have conscious sedation for birth, like I had with my wisdom teeth extractions. That frickin' rocked.

emilyeggs · 30/07/2013 21:13

I've never heard anyone ask for a natural root canal surgery! Why would they Grin

RobinBedRest · 30/07/2013 21:14

I do think it is possible to have a relatively pain free birth without drugs, just as it is possible for everything to go belly up and end in c section or forceps delivery.

Lets face it, if there were anything that could be done to help her have a good experience it will have been available to her i.e. classes, support etc

No one will have been limiting visitng hours, sending her home not beleiving she is in labour or any of the worse horror stories that come up on here.

McNewPants2013 · 30/07/2013 21:26

I slept right the way through on both of my DC woke up 2-3 pushes and that was that. I did have gas and air.

That don't make me mother of the universe not am I smug about it, I was just pleased to have my babies in my arms.

I nearly lost my sister as she was bleeding serverly and ended up with a crash section and had to be put to sleep. Which I am very proud of how she handled every thing.

What am I trying to say as long as the mother is comfortable and finds away to get through the birth that is what is important.

fairylightsinthespring · 30/07/2013 21:33

I am sure we will never know the exact details of Kate's birth, and absolutely rightly so, its private. It does piss me off when people say "x did so well, no drugs" because it DOES imply that they have somehow done it "properly" and us poor buggers who ended up in the "escalation of intervention" that ends in CS and had all sorts of drugs along the way have done less well. In any other context, doing "well" means doing "better". I agree with posters who ahve said that birth is nrt that important, its what comes after, but people get very upset, feel like failures, and that's sad.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 30/07/2013 21:35

No-one gets a medal for doing without drugs!

Zoe Williams is very, very sharp on this - the idea that women's pain is so unimportant that we are often denied / delayed in having epidurals etc when we ask, and to support that we are sold this crap that we have somehow failed if we don't go through an incredibly painful experience with no pain relief.

Plus there is no way they would reveal what actually went on during the labour. She may have had all sorts. They may be equating 'natural' with 'vaginal' in which case she may have had gas and air, pethidine, an epidural, and monks chanting for all we know.

TheCraicDealer · 30/07/2013 21:36

Does gas and air do anything? It always just looks like it's something to distract the mum from the pain and focus her breathing!

Do not get this obsession in some circles with "natural" birth. You wouldn't judge someone for using pain relief when passing kidney stones, would you? Crackers. I know I'll be gagging for anything and everything going; no amount of woo, peer pressure or NCT classes will prevent me from asking when the anaesthetist will be arriving upon entry to the maternity ward.

miaowmix · 30/07/2013 21:37

a. who cares?
b. my birth plan simply said 'DRUGS'
c. I loved my pethidine, my gas and air, my epidural, and especially my emergency cs, and that with a 6lb 11 baby. I guess I'm weird in that I just hate pain Shock

shufflehopstep · 30/07/2013 21:41

I had a drug free birth with my DD but it wasn't intentional. I had gas and air at first but was too far gone when I got to hospital to have epidural, then, when the baby got stuck, I was whisked off to the delivery suite and they didn't take the gas and air. I had a local anaesthetic when I had the episiotomy but that was it.

Next time I'm getting to hospital early (none of that having a paracetamol and taking a bath malarkey they tried to fob me off with) and having the full pain relief.

I agree with inneedofrain; Any birth, where, at the end, mother and baby are both doing well, is the best and most perfect birth in the world!

Panzee · 30/07/2013 21:45

Please unlike the page. No good can come from it.

LilacPeony · 30/07/2013 22:53

a) I don't care whether my mum used drugs when she had me and my kids don't care whether i did either. It doesn't matter. If people enjoy pain then let them enjoy it.

b) I have never heard a man say "I accidentally chopped my arm off in a farming accident and i am pleased as punch with myself that I refused all painkillers offered."

usualsuspect · 30/07/2013 23:10

I would have taken illegal drugs if that had been an option tbh.

Bumpotato · 30/07/2013 23:19

O/T but speaking of Kate and drugs, I thought Kate was "drugged up" on her wedding day. Her eyes looked dead that day.

Original poster
bloodynurseries · 31/07/2013 11:27

This is the offending thread - www.facebook.com/thefeministbreeder
on the left hand side.
Someone actually says she did it naturally as she's a 'tough chick'. I must be very weak and pathetic!

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodynurseries · 31/07/2013 11:27

www.facebook.com/thefeministbreeder
proper link

OP posts:
Poledra · 31/07/2013 11:42

'I gave my baby the best, chemical free, start in life without drugs'

Hehe, I am about to win the award for 'Mother giving shittest start in life to baby' then - I had an appendectomy when 31 wks pg with DD2. SO I had a GA, antibiotics, morphine, heparin and NSAIDs. And then I had the audacity to have an epidural giving birth to her.

Fantastic

tabulahrasa · 31/07/2013 11:52

I think people who are proud of how they give birth are weird - be proud of giving birth successfully by all means, it's hard going, be pleased if it went how you wanted it to - but that's a bonus... whether you have drugs or not or whether there's medical intervention isn't an issue of superiority or morality, it's just about getting mother and baby through it with the best outcome.

People die giving birth, whether you want pain relief is neither here nor there in the big scheme of things. Yes it's natural, yes it's what parts of your body are designed to do...that doesn't mean that people who want to use modern medicine to make it easier are inferior somehow.

I mean are women who don't need painkillers for period cramps somehow better women?